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We taught our children that death was a part of life when they were very young. To deny it, or to say, "No, you can't go to Grammy's funeral because you won't understand!" is protecting children from the truth that everything and everyone dies. And that isn't fair. Moreover - like sex or anything else - if you deny that it can happen, and try to convince them that it is nothing for them to think about, then they WILL think about it, go out and get misinformation, or become morbidly curious, or develop strange attractions to it.
Just like their Mom and Dad.
I loved the way you put this and what you wrote is so so true. The first funeral I attended was for a high school friend who died in a car accident on the way to school. Over 500 went. My mother thought it was a good idea to go b/c as she said - the first funeral she went to was her favorite uncle and she didn't do so well with it - I need to write your words down and say them to my own kids.
Many look at the age of 40 being a large turning point in their life. Reality is that for most it is the starting downwqrd count of life since the vast majority only live to the 70's or in some cases the early 80's.
Me?...just turned 80 last month...mother passed at 80 and my dad at 86 so the writing is on the wall. I figure my time will be in 2014/15 due to natural causes whatever that means...take any medical pick of choice. Both parents had cancer as have I (now okay) but still there is no guarantee for the furure.
OP has a valid point since we are all destined to go at one point in time...up us to decide when that point will be based upon our living standards and habits.
I was the first male grandchild of a large paternal family while those after me have passed on and I'm the last of my generation still here...(must be doing something wrong).
You know your getting close to the ending yrs as things that were important yrs back now just are put aside until tomorrow or the next day or the next etc...never gets done. I see myself that way lately.
Do see myself young mentally but my body tells me otherwise...can't fight mother nature.
Thought I'd just chime in on one persons thoughts as have others here...many enlighting (is that a good word?) posts.
Many look at the age of 40 being a large turning point in their life. Reality is that for most it is the starting downwqrd count of life since the vast majority only live to the 70's or in some cases the early 80's.
Me?...just turned 80 last month...mother passed at 80 and my dad at 86 so the writing is on the wall. I figure my time will be in 2014/15 due to natural causes whatever that means...take any medical pick of choice. Both parents had cancer as have I (now okay) but still there is no guarantee for the furure.
OP has a valid point since we are all destined to go at one point in time...up us to decide when that point will be based upon our living standards and habits.
I was the first male grandchild of a large paternal family while those after me have passed on and I'm the last of my generation still here...(must be doing something wrong).
You know your getting close to the ending yrs as things that were important yrs back now just are put aside until tomorrow or the next day or the next etc...never gets done. I see myself that way lately.
Do see myself young mentally but my body tells me otherwise...can't fight mother nature.
Thought I'd just chime in on one persons thoughts as have others here...many enlighting (is that a good word?) posts.
Steve
It's so good to hear from someone on the "older" end of the scale . . .You seem to have a great attitude.
My father was ill for a few years before he passed at 89 . . .I think he feared death and I was sad about that.
In the end (literally) we are on our own with our own beliefs about the subject, that's for sure . . .
I normally think I am ok with the idea of my death, but I think that might be an abstract thought that I am having . . .because last night, I was having some distress about a problem that is taking place in my life and was thinking, "If this was my time to go, it would be very difficult because there are unresolved issues." It's all about letting go . . .letting go to be in the flow of life however it shows up, and I guess letting go of the flow to move on into the next realm (however you perceive that, for me there is no "death" except for the body and leaving this plane of existence) . . .
You know your getting close to the ending yrs as things that were important yrs back now just are put aside until tomorrow or the next day or the next etc...never gets done. I see myself that way lately.
Perhaps you realize they just aren't as important as you thought they were years ago.
This thread is depressing. If we think too much about death, we miss living our life to it's fullest. No one knows what tomorrow may bring, and I don't plan on worrying about it and letting life pass me by.
To the poster who "avoided" death by a hair in the Vietnam war, if it's your belief system that "God saved you", of course that is your right to think that.
PBS' FRONTLINE did an incredible, moving piece in 2002 called "Faith and Doubt at Ground Zero," which was rerun a lot this week. You can also view it on the pbs.org website. One rabbinical student said something like, "You can think that god's plan was save you or answer your prayers. However, you then have to be able to turn to the person who just buried their son and explain how it was god's plan to have their son blown to bits. If you can do that, well, at least you're really being honest."
My father is a combat veteran from WW2 (active and sharp at 86). He said he felt like every day after the war was gravy (although I can't say he lived a particularly focused or positive life). I think many people who survive something like the war or the Holocaust often say, it was just luck, a difference of a few inches or a few seconds between me and the person who didn't survive.
That might not give people a sense of things happening for a reason, but I do believe that's how it works.
As for "bucket lists," I think that's a way to drive yourself crazy, or at least can be a way to put yourself down. Maybe magazines and TV shows like "One hundred places to see... ten must-do..." etc. add to this kind of thinking.
A lot of things cannot be done at the moment you think of them, especially those who raised families and had to be responsible to other people. And yes, many things are best done when you're younger and cannot or won't be done when older. I am thinking now that I wish, when I'd been younger, that I'd bought a rural property (and still commuted to an RN job) and had more of an animal sanctuary kind of thing, where I could have large animals. Wouldn't do it now, and certainly not in retirement, with my bad back and aging, I wouldn't want to add more physical work to my life. So I have my six senior mutts in my house and yard in a formerly rural area that still has farms and stuff around, and can afford to write checks to groups doing work that I cannot or do not want to do face-to-face.
A friend of mine worked in journalism his whole life until his last layoff at about 62. He is now broke and free-lancing but very broke. He always planned to write a historical novel, something about Egypt, I think. Well, when finally laid off, he started to write it. Worked at it for some time, and came to the realization after about a year that he didn't know how to write a novel and didn't want to continue. He is a great columnist/reporter, and I honestly hope he'll write a book of columns someday. But he was really relieved to know that he didn't "have to" write that novel.
I'm ahead of the game. I already know I'm a terrible carpenter, a lousy jazz musician and am frankly not very good at anything that I love, and am quite good at some bureaucratic things that earn me a good living.
But then, I was always able to do things I thought I wanted to do, being terminally single and no kids by choice. Of course, changing lives more than once always has a cost, sometimes a big one, and I don't forget that, either.
I'm not afraid of death, in fact, I'm a tiny bit excited about it. I've always been an adventurer, and death seems like the NEXT really big adventure! It's the DYING part I'm not too thrilled about.
Imcurious: how do you do the purple writing thing? Is there a function for that?
Thanks
I'm not afraid of death, in fact, I'm a tiny bit excited about it. I've always been an adventurer, and death seems like the NEXT really big adventure! It's the DYING part I'm not too thrilled about.
Imcurious: how do you do the purple writing thing? Is there a function for that?
Thanks
I'm with you on the dying part . . .I have read that dying is very similar to the birth process, which is also painful for the baby (squeezing through the narrow birth canal, being exposed to cold and light, etc.)
I see you got advice about the fonts . . . do note that adding color makes lots of people very angry
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