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I agree that the daughter is an adult, and should be able to go out without having to do any "sneaking". Since you are agreeable to having her live with you, her friends should also be welcome. But, she will be setting an example for her younger brother, so on that basis I would ask her not to have overnight male guests.
As a parents, I've never been able to sleep until my three were back home. I would probably crack under the pressure of not knowing if my daughter was home or not. LOL
The house sounds great. She is a adult & if she has a decent history i wouldnt worry about it. Its strange though how some people can stay in their room 24/7. Go figure.
I have to ask this, and it's not related to your questions. Please indulge me.
Why do you need such a huge house when you're so close to being empty-nesters?
Since you say she is responsible, don't worry so much about it if she does leave without telling you. Make family life interesting and fun enough that she will want to come out and join you.
She will make her own decisions and fighting with her will only make life harder on both of you.
I would suggest sitting everyone down and setting some groundrules on how to behave and make sure they are agreed upon by everyone. Fair rules are more enforceable than those perceived as unfair. If you want to setup the illusion that the exterior door can be monitored for rule enforcement, security cameras can be setup that are very cheap and easily installed. In a rural setting, I would not be adverse to setting up such a system even if I were not nervous about "unauthorized door usage."
That's all I really wanted from this....to know what rules I should set down if any and what you guys would do.
I know you say my house my rules but I am unsure of what if any rules should be set....any ideas?
That's all I really wanted from this....to know what rules I should set down if any and what you guys would do.
I know you say my house my rules but I am unsure of what if any rules should be set....any ideas?
It really isn't that difficult. When I turned 18 and graduated High School here were some of the rules I can remember:
1. Pay rent if you don't go to school and help contribute to monthly bills
2. Don't come home and act like an idiot if you have been drinking
3. My parents did not approve of sex outside of marriage so no girls spending the night. I thought it was unfair but it was their house.
These and other rules led me to move out when I was 20. Your daughter is an adult however it is your house. You set the rules. If she does not like it then she can move.
It is important to treat your adult children as adults however just because they are adults does not mean they get to do anything they want in your house.
One of your biggest concerns seems to be her "sneaking out" Anyone who has graduated high school should be able to come and go as they please as long as they are respectful about it.
I agree that the daughter is an adult, and should be able to go out without having to do any "sneaking". Since you are agreeable to having her live with you, her friends should also be welcome. But, she will be setting an example for her younger brother, so on that basis I would ask her not to have overnight male guests.
As a parents, I've never been able to sleep until my three were back home. I would probably crack under the pressure of not knowing if my daughter was home or not. LOL
That seems like a pretty reasonable rule for an adult. Males guests, fine. Male overnight guests, not fine. However, she should not have to ask permission to go out. She is an adult. As an adult she should be courteous to the people she lives with and let them know where she is and when she can be expected to be home. If she is not courteous to the person providing her a free place to live then she can be asked to leave. But monitoring her behavior in they way you monitor a 15 year old's is ridiculous.
That's all I really wanted from this....to know what rules I should set down if any and what you guys would do.
I know you say my house my rules but I am unsure of what if any rules should be set....any ideas?
My ideas would be:
1. No male overnight guests (if that bothers you).
2. If you are having female overnight guests please let me know.
3. If you intend to be out late, or overnight please let me know (note this is different from asking permission).
4. Be courteous with respect to parking (don't block other cars).
5. Clean up your own messes.
6. Contribute to the household.
lmao... some of the replies to this thread are ALMOST funnier than the original OP.
I say - let it go.
It's obvious you haven't parented her up to this point, it's probably too late to start now. Continue to let her dictate the rules in your home. Just be grateful she's letting YOU live there and pay the bills.
Quote:
Originally Posted by renovating
I was thinking along these same lines...
I was also wondering with all the houses on the market now, why would you even consider one with this set up if you are concerned about those issues in your post.
Seems to me you are setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary stress by buying a house with this unusual set up.
I'd really like to know what thread you two read - it certainly isn't this one! How do you get to "you haven't parented her up to this point" - incredible reading skills - or maybe you have some magic wand that can read what isn't intended and not stated nor implied. Whew!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2TEEN&YA
Because I am not that close to being an empty nester.
She'll be here a year or more and my son will be here 7 more years.
I trust her and she can let me know when she leaves but I guess she doesn't trust me to let go of her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2TEEN&YA
That's all I really wanted from this....to know what rules I should set down if any and what you guys would do.
I know you say my house my rules but I am unsure of what if any rules should be set....any ideas?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear
My ideas would be:
1. No male overnight guests (if that bothers you).
2. If you are having female overnight guests please let me know.
3. If you intend to be out late, or overnight please let me know (note this is different from asking permission).
4. Be courteous with respect to parking (don't block other cars).
5. Clean up your own messes.
6. Contribute to the household.
Some good points, Momma_bear.
I have been in this position - having had a stepson living here as a young adult, and an adult son moving back home after a divorce.
the rules were pretty simple - and I gave the "boys" my reasons as well:
1. No drugs in the house - ever, by you or any guest of yours. I'll have you/guest arrested. I will not jeopardize my property that I worked long and hard to get for your high. If you have a problem, bring it and we'll find a solution - together.
2. Do not come home under the influence - stay where you are. Whether drugs or alcohol, do not drive impaired or let someone else drive you - as you may not have the judgment to determine whether they are sober/under the influence. As always, if you have a problem, I am a phone call away.
3. Contributions to the household. I am not your drill sergeant. You know what needs to be done, do it. Your room is, obviously, your responsibility, but so are other parts of the house. If you are not paying rent or contributing financially, then you will contribute with some labor - vacuum, dust, shopping, cooking, etc.
4. Inform if overnight guests. As a courtesy to others, please let me know if you have overnight guests - regardless of gender. It's uncomfortable to be doing lawncare and suddenly bump into a stranger exiting the house.
5. If you are not coming home at night, please let me know. Again, it's a courtesy issue. You are my child and I love you even now that you are an adult. I cannot help but to worry, it's in the Mommy Handbook and it will be this way until you're 90. So please let me know.
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