Would you have a problem with this? (legal, teenagers, parents)
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I am a single mother to two children, a boy(15, 16 in July) and a girl(20, 21 in August). The girl won't be moving out until a little after May of next year due to P.O.S.T Academy.
We are moving soon and have been looking at houses and have found the one, its a 4bdr 4bth spacious house, a little outside of city limits, you could literally be in one place of the house and not even know where the others in the house were. It's THAT big and spread out.
We went out and looked at it today and the kids and I are in love with it and they have already picked out which rooms are theirs etc.
What concerns me is the room my daughter picked out.
The room is a master bedroom, which there are two master bedrooms, the house is renovated so the second and main and biggest master bedroom is upstairs. Its not the fact that its a master bedroom because this room is designed as a teenagers room, pink paint and decor etc, Its the fact that it has its own bathroom en suite and it also has its own door out of the house.
She already stays in her room 100% of the time she is home. Has a mini fridge in her room. She basically stays cooped up in there and never comes out.
She has already expressed in her own words said, "I NEVER have to share a bathroom EVER again and you guys will hardly ever see me."
I worry that if she had the bathroom en suite and all of her things in her room (mini fridge, laptop, tv, cell phone, radio, iPod, etc) that she'll never come out unless its to eat or go down to the basement to wash her laundry.
Second. The door to the outside. The room is in a very secluded part of the house away from everything else.
She already frequently leaves on short notice to go to a friends party, crash at a friends place etc...
And I know she dates etc.
So my concerns are her leaving without letting me know, with such ease of access or having guys over in her room, it could all happen so easily.
So to wrap it up my concerns are
1. Her never leaving her room, except when absolutely necessary.
2. Leaving late at night or middle of the night to go out.
3. Her bringing her boyfriend in.
Like I said, this room is on the far end of the house, you won't be able to know what goes on or be able to hear anything over there unless you take a trip to that side of the house...which I highly doubt will happen.
Other key points:
This is the house we are choosing, we're set.
There are no other rooms she could take. The other rooms are smaller and do no have an en suite bathroom and that should go to her and not a 15 year old boy. (Who I know won't want a pink room.)
She is 20 after all and will be 21 in August.
Should I worry and set some rules?
Or should I just let her be as long as she isn't being loud at night and I remain oblivious as to what *could* be going on?
She is a responsible girl.
Doesn't drink away from home.
Would never drink and drive.
She had good friends.
She is going into law enforcement.
She doesn't do drugs.
She is a very smart and bright girl.
She just loves her independence. She has been wanting a room like this for the longest time and would love the en suite bathroom and the "space" and "independence" of this kind of set up away from everything. She wants to be able to leave and not disturb anyone, which I am glad she is considerate. I know she wouldn't be leaving to go get into any trouble but she does like to go out late and stay out late and she does get quite a bit boy crazy.
Let her have the room- she is an adult. You can certainly make house rules (such as no boyfriends overnight, if that bothers you), but at her age she could jsut as easily live in an apartment away from home and you'd see her even less.
Like I said.
With the positioning/area of the room, I wouldn't even know if she had a boy over.
And she could easily slip anyone in and out of the room without a peep.
So even if I were to come to the door, anyone could slip out without a sound.
Well if she's 20 almost 21 she could easily just move out and have boys sleep over.
My biggest concern would be with her making sure that she doesn't leave the outside door unlocked all the time. You don't want people just coming and going out of your house. What if she meets a boy and brings him home and he is to spend the night and robs you blind while you sleep.
Like I said.
With the positioning/area of the room, I wouldn't even know if she had a boy over.
And she could easily slip anyone in and out of the room without a peep.
So even if I were to come to the door, anyone could slip out without a sound.
21 year olds are not boys. They are men. Why would she have to hide a boyfriend from you? She is an adult.
She could be living on her own, but instead she has given you a compliment. She has chosen your companionship. Don't throw that in her face. If you do, it will define your relationship with your daughter forever.
And practically speaking, what do you really think a bunch of rules will accomplish? It's not like you can ground her if she breaks curfew. Don't waste your energy.
Sounds like your main concern is her having young men sleeping over and you not being able to catch them in there. Have a talk with her, ask her if she is on birth control, would be my suggestion. I would also have the "rule" that she does not leave out her door without locking it. She at least owes you that security measure since she has that room. Otherwise, don't hunt boogers because they are out there
Enjoy your new home with your children, they won't be there forever.
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