Relocating and leaving one child with one parent (divorced, parents, wife)
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I have accepted a job in another state. My son wants to stay and finish high school in New Jersey (last two years). My husband says he will stay with him while I and my daughter move. In two years, my husband and son will join us.
I haven't seen anyone post this type of situation. Everyone is fine with this arrangement except me. I will miss my son, although we will be set up with Skype etc. Has anyone done this? If so, how did it pan out?
Two years is a long time, are you still married, or divorced?
I have a friend who moved to North Carolina for a new job and to have a house built for him and his wife- she was supposed to move with him when the house was done, and when she finished her MBA. Well, he said he got lonely and started seeing other woman and his wife found out ... Needless to say, she finished her MBA and stayed right here ...
I would imagine it would be painfully challenging to be away from your son, and moreso your husband for more than a few months and not feel heartache. That's a long time and if something should happen, and you grow apart, well, it's 2 years, not 2 months ...
I am hoping you didn't accept this job offer without discussing and planning it all out first.
If your husband really is all on board with you leaving him behind, then either it must a one of a kind, super fantastic job opportunity or he is ready to be living life without you.
If it's the first option, then the whole family needs to go.
If it's the second, then you are looking at taking the first step towards the end of your relationship with your husband.
If he is not really on board and just saying he is because of your son's insistence at not moving, then the marriage needs to be a completely rock solid one to withstand a separation of that magnitude.
I'd think long and hard about whether or not this new job is worth the strain it will put on your family and whether or not you all are up to working that hard to keep it together.
Chicago, so it would be a plane ride. Do-able for weekends but hard. We planned to have myself and daughter visit husband and son (and vice versa) once a month or so. We noticed that school calendars show lots of time off, and we would take advantage by visiting during those times.
seriously? i think 2 years is a LONG time to do such a thing. get ready for emotional cheating etc going on with one or both of you. you cant be away from each other that long and have everything stay the same as it is now.
my DH and i did this for 1 month, and i felt long to me. i can't imagine 2 years.
sorry, but your son needs to do what is right for the whole family.
why is your husband ok with this? (sorry, i must sound judgmental and nosy--and i am not trying to be)
I noticed that you said you will miss your son. You didn't say that you would miss your husband.
Is it really two years or is it 1-1/2 years? Is your son currently in 10th grade or 11th grade?
I can understand not moving him for 12th grade, but not to finish 2-1/2 years of schooling.
In all honesty, it's better for you to leave your son behind at a friend's or relative's house than to leave your husband behind.
Afterall, your husband is the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life. He's the one who will be around long after the children are raised.
This better be a fantastic, once in a lifetime opportunity, for you to tear your family apart. I'd think long and hard about the decision to take the job.
If you care about your marriage, stay put, move the entire family, or leave your son behind with a friend or relative if it's only for senior year.
Chicago, so it would be a plane ride. Do-able for weekends but hard. We planned to have myself and daughter visit husband and son (and vice versa) once a month or so. We noticed that school calendars show lots of time off, and we would take advantage by visiting during those times.
Yeah I wouldn't do it. Unless we were starving to death and the only job I could get was in Chicago. That doesn't seem to be your case since you are able to keep two households going. I would think seriously if you are willing to miss your son's last two years of high school. That is something you can never get back. Plus you are straining the relationship between your son and daughter...not to mention your own relationship. Is this job worth it? I highly doubt it.
Also, kids do a lot of stuff on the weekends. Your son will not want to be spending his time to go see you when he wants to be playing sports or hanging with his buddies.
I personally know of two relevant experiences and neither worked out as the family expected.
My sister and her husband lived apart for two years. Her husband took a job in another city and she stayed in NYC. Her company paid her airfare to spend weekends with him. She went every weekend. The marriage seemed fine until she moved permanently to be with him. Then they discovered that he had emotionally detached himself from her and wanted a divorce. He hadn't said anything in the two years because he could tollerate the marriage being only on weekends.
My brother-in-law (married to a different sister) stayed behind to finish his senior year when his parents moved the family to another state. He lived at a friend's house. The plan was for him to move to the new state and join his family after graduation, but he decided to stay put and make it on his own.
If you do this, you truly risk the possibility of never living with your husband or your son ever again.
My brother-in-law (married to a different sister) stayed behind to finish his senior year when his parents moved the family to another state. He lived at a friend's house. The plan was for him to move to the new state and join his family after graduation, but he decided to stay put and make it on his own.
If you do this, you truly risk the possibility of never living with ... your son ever again.
That sounds kind of drastic, but really it only comes down to her son moving out on his own a year earlier than he normally would (if he's a junior now). That's not so terrible. At 17 I moved in with friends to finish out my senior year of HS and it wasn't a big deal since I had planned on leaving home at 18 anyway. If the family is very close that might be a different situation, but I was pretty independent at that age and I don't really think that one year changed the relationship with my family members. A lot of kids go off to college at 18 and never live at home again, so I don't see this as very much different.
The situation with the husband is a whole other thing though. That would be something I'd have to think long and hard about, it doesn't sound like a good thing to do.
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