Coordinating play dates with twins...any suggestions? (game, girls, activities)
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hi all - any twin moms out there? I have 7 yr old B/G twins and play dates have become something of a night mare in my house, and one that i need to address because we recently moved and need to solidify some friendships. The problem is that my son is so accustomed to playing with my daughter that he will not leave them alone if she has a friend over. Now i know you'll all say, well get him a friend over too, but that isn't the best situation either because my daughter is the dominant one socially and my son really needs one on one time with a friend to help his confidence.
I have tried talking to both of them and making sure they include the other when they have someone over but you know how girls are, they immediately come in the house and go up to my daughters room where they slam the door in my sons face and starting playing with their American Girl dolls or something girly that he doesn't want to do. he will then whine and fight that they aren't including him and then when they do, he says he doesn't want to play and why can't they play something he likes. I honestly becomes a fight and an ugly situation. The last time we had a girl over, she wanted to go home because my son and daughter were fighting so much. She has not been back
I try to arrange playdates when one child is at another house so it's always one child, one friend, but I can't do that all the time, so any other suggestions?
I've had the same problem (boy we've had a lot in common lately!) and my kids are not twins. My daughter is 7 and my son is 5. It's not an issue when my son has a friend over but when my daughter does my son feels left out and bugs them. I try to redirect his attention. Sometimes crafts work - I stock up on those dollar crafts from Michael's and let him pick a special one to do while the girls are playing (sometimes they all want to do them which is fine too). It works for him because not only does he like crafts but it's something new unlike a game or toy he already has. You can even try wrapping it first like a gift -It makes it even more special and he doesn't feel as left out. My daughter is ok with his present because her "gift" is the playdate.
good suggestion and yes I have heard this from non-twin families too. My son is very rational and has a plan about what he's going to do not to bother them, but then when they're here all he wants to do is play with them. He even stooped to playing dolls once because he was so desparate
I'll have to think if there's anything I could tempt him with...
Why don't you set up a playdate with your son and yourself? I can imagine that with twins the kids don't get a lot of 1 on 1 time with mom or dad. So why not make it like you are inviting someone over to distract your daughter while he gets to spend alone time with you? Maybe rent a fun "boy" movie to watch with him. Or set up a restaurant and cook something really fun that you can serve the girls for lunch? How about a special puzzle (a real hard one) that you guys only work on when she has a friend over? Maybe one that you could later seal and hang up in his room?
I don't have twins (or even two kids) so I'm not sure if any of these would work but it's just what came to me
My kids (b/g preteen twins) have some friends they share, and some individual friends. As they get older my daughter is getting girlier, so we're seeing more frequent parting of the ways.
But at a younger age, I just told my kids that sometimes their twin needs time with friends of his or her own, and to back off. If backing off doesn't occur voluntarily, backing off is enforced.
And if Johnny is welcome, but doesn't want to play what Julie and Isabella are playing, Johnny can go grab a book or his Nintendo, or find a friend of his own. He's not allowed to rule the roost, no matter how much he'd like to.
My b/g twins are 15 now. When they were younger, if one was having a playdate at our house, the other twin was expected to find something else to do unless specifically invited to join in.
My b/g twins are 15 now. When they were younger, if one was having a playdate at our house, the other twin was expected to find something else to do unless specifically invited to join in.
that's all well and good and that's what we do, but my son will keep following them around and causing a fight. I am trying to come up with ways to keep him busy so he doesn't do that.
My twins are younger, but what we do so far when only one has a friend over is that I take the other twin and have some one-on-one quality time with that twin. They love that as it is rare enough they get mommy all to themselves. We might read a book together or go into the backyard to throw a ball around or cook together etc, then the whole family comes back together (including the friend) for dinner. Another option may be to try and have more playdates at the other kid's house, so the twin without a playdate is automatically with you?
My b/g twins are 15 now. When they were younger, if one was having a playdate at our house, the other twin was expected to find something else to do unless specifically invited to join in.
Same here (except our twins are 14 ).
I think at 7 they are plenty old enough to understand that they don't need to be bothering the other when they have friends over. When your son has friends over does your DD bother him? I would tell your son that when your DD's friend comes over he will not bother them, if he does he will be sent to his room along, end of discussion.
that's all well and good and that's what we do, but my son will keep following them around and causing a fight. I am trying to come up with ways to keep him busy so he doesn't do that.
In your original post you said" I have tried talking to both of them and making sure they include the other when they have someone over but you know how girls are, they immediately come in the house and go up to my daughters room where they slam the door in my sons face and starting playing with their American Girl dolls or something girly that he doesn't want to do."
So, does this mean that you previously made them include the other twin when having a playdate and are now trying to separate? He's 7. He should do what he normally does when his sister isn't having a playdate! Does he ride bikes? Play Legos? Watch TV? If he isn't interested in doing any of his regular activities, give him an option....find something to do or you'll give him housework .
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