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I have a neighbor who is around 14-16 (not sure exactly) and he just announced he was gay. This does not bother me. What does bother me is he told my son (couple months back) and his friend a little bit about puberty which I was not comfortable with then and even less so now. He also told my son (who is 11 by the way) that he dated and kissed a boy. I am a little weirded out by this. I'm not sure what his point was in telling them this.
So now I'm wondering if I should limit DS's contact with him (going to hard since we're direct neighbors), or tell my DS my concerns and to keep an eye out for this kid or what? Not sure what to do now as I don't want to incite fear or prejudice in my son but want to make sure he is safe from possible preditation from this boy.
Information is power. Time to have a long, honest conversation about sex, homosexuality, and how to say no to uncomfortable situations and sexual pressure (from anyone).
Your son is only 11 and I don't think he should be around a 14-16 year old. That is too big of an age difference for friends unless you know the family very well and 'trust' the older boy.
He may be looking for a 'friend' who is a bit naive to 'experiment' with.
It's not about being 'homophobic...'
Would you want a 14/16 year old girl hanging around your 11 year old? Something is not right there...I have an 11 year old and I would not allow it.
Your son is only 11 and I don't think he should be around a 14-16 year old. That is too big of an age difference for friends unless you know the family very well and 'trust' the older boy.
He may be looking for a 'friend' who is a bit naive to 'experiment' with.
It's not about being 'homophobic...'
Would you want a 14/16 year old girl hanging around your 11 year old? Something is not right there...I have an 11 year old and I would not allow it.
The experimenting part is what I was worried about also. It's not like goes to find this boy to hang around he's a direct neighbor so if he's outside and my DS is outside they are going to see each other. I'm not sure how I prevent that. The only thing that hopefully will help is they are selling their house and might be moving in the future.
We've already talked to him about puberty and good touch vs. bad touch but I'm still worried.
I'm not concerned with the topics - we kids talked about the same kind of stuff back in the 70's...and I was the first one to know about the 'birds and the bees' in my group at 8...so of course we all had to talk about that. Kids spill. And at 11 your son is old enough, should know something about the science of sex.
What raises an eye, as the other posters have mentioned, is the age difference between the boys. That's pretty odd unless your son happens to be quite mature for his age. And that's if this boy is 14. If he's 16, something is wrong with this picture. Someone in highschool should not be hanging around with a child still in elementary, unless they are siblings. This is not a topic for casual conversation between neighbors, so I am bothered by it.
Don't teach son to fear, just teach him to understand and know where to set his limits. Not to cave under pressure - from anybody.
Information is power. Time to have a long, honest conversation about sex, homosexuality, and how to say no to uncomfortable situations and sexual pressure (from anyone).
Exactly! Don't put him in a bubble because he will find out either way. Let him know the facts from you...I would also put a little line in the other boy's ear. Tell him you would appriciate it if he would stop telling his personal information to your son. It's inappropriate.
I don't let my child hang out with boys older than him. He has plenty of 12 year old friends. Gay or not, there is too much of an age difference. Heck, I don't let my 7 year old hang out with my 12 year old when he has friends over. Too much of an age difference.
There's one other angle that wasn't brought up - just to ponder...
Perhaps something happened to the older boy which brought about the discussion...other kids picking on him, fighting, whatever. Or he was upset...
It could be that the older boy explained why he was having trouble (either asked or volunteered) and took it too far.
Or it could be something else.
I would clarify exactly how the conversation came about.
P.S. The only time I hung around older kids when I was quite young is when I was playing with their younger siblings...then it was cool if we could sit and watch them during band practice or all sled down the hill...that kind of thing. But just hanging out, for a typical kid, is something you need to monitor.
I did hang out with older kids, even adults, in my early teenage years (12, even)...and I was up to no good. It was fun but not the kind of fun a parent wants their child to be having.
Exactly! Don't put him in a bubble because he will find out either way. Let him know the facts from you...I would also put a little line in the other boy's ear. Tell him you would appriciate it if he would stop telling his personal information to your son. It's inappropriate.
That conversation has been going on for the last year and a half. I just wonder if we said everything that needs to be said the way it needs to be said for it to sink in and be valuable in all situations.
The experimenting part is what I was worried about also. It's not like goes to find this boy to hang around he's a direct neighbor so if he's outside and my DS is outside they are going to see each other. I'm not sure how I prevent that. The only thing that hopefully will help is they are selling their house and might be moving in the future.
We've already talked to him about puberty and good touch vs. bad touch but I'm still worried.
Maybe have a talk with the boy's parents. Say you are not comfortable with such an older boy hanging around your son.
It's a tough one.
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