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At this moment, DH and I have his youngest (8yo) in therapy because she developed anxieties and exhibited depression symptoms due to thinking her momma doesn't love her when she doesn't see her. The 10 yo boy doesn't seem to have the same issues.
Back history, the biomom left DH and the kids when the oldest was 5. She "checked out" for 3 years. She is back in their lives on a consistant basis now. We do not interfere in the time they spend with their mother. We just do the best we know how and be there when they get disappointed.
it's so sad ,the childhood some children get.research has shown that neglect and emotional abuse are much more difficult to put right,than physical or sexual.
when you think how hard any of those would be to cope with as an adult,it's heart breaking to think of some children's lives
How do kids cope with moms that don't care or aren't there for them?
Strong and sensitive dads? Therapy?
I can't really answer that question as I really do not know any children right off who has a mother who doesn't care for them or aren't there for them.
I'm sure that it would have to be hard on a child and that the child would need some deep therapy. Not saying that dad's aren't important in a child's life, but there is a different bond between a mother and child than there is between a father and child. Afterall a mother carries the child for nine months while it is developing and growing. Her heart beat is the first sound it hears. Her voice is the strongest over all other voices.
Children suffer when a father leaves or is not involved in a child's life, but I would think there would be greater suffering if it were the mother that left or was not involved.
Think about how many adoptees are looking for bio families. Most of them search for their bio mom over the bio dad. If they are searching for the bio dad it is usually after they have found the bio mom. A lot of adoptees usually want to know why the mom gave them up.
My mother travelled alot and worked all the time. It was my Dad who stayed home, did odd jobs and did all the cooking, cleaning and domestic work. To us he was the caregiver and Mom was the the person we saw on occasion, but it was Dad we listened to more and took more seriously as he was the one always there.
Love mom, but (sad to say) we kinda got accustomed to her not being around since she was always so into her work. When she was home and not working, she'd just wanna relax and immerse herself into hobbies, and didn't want to do too much out of the house. She loved spending time with us kids, but didn't want to physically do much or go out, so it was sorta limited to just talking to her or watching the tv with her, which was fine, but not that exciting all the time.
Dad however would take us places, play ball, go to the park, malls, stores, and talk to us while we were doing those things. He was also tougher on us and gave us the dreaded lectures and life lessons, but mom was more wishy washy and didn't enforce things, so we really just blew her off. In the end we respected Dad more. Odd how that works. So in our case, I think we'd miss Dad more (sorry Mom, love you, but just being honest)
I think you have that in many families (one stronger caretaker). The other person may just not be nurturing.
Not every woman is a born 'wonderful mother.' (whatever that stereotype is). Not every woman likes sitting home baking cookies and pretending to be Mrs. Happy Housewife. As you well know, staying at home is frustrating. It's not about having endless play hours to pursue hobbies and coffee with the neighbors...It means laundry, homework, balancing a budget with one income....and so on.
I love my son and I enjoyed the years I was a stay home mom but I do also have a lot of education and would have liked (looking back) to have kept up with my career so I would not be in the situation I am in now (no real career).
Consider yourself lucky at your age your dad was involved! So many men do not have any interested in the running of the home or with the kids!
what matters is that children have one main caregiver who they know they're important to who's empathic and able to set limits.
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