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Since I my only income is the child support I get from the girls father I have set down with them and used a budget chart. Put what I get at the top, what the bills are, what Mark pays (stepfather), what I pay.... and how much is left over. They saw really quickly there isn't much left over. It has stopped alot of the incessant begging, asking for stuff they don't need, especially since we talked about not asking Mark for money since they regularly get Child Support.
My kids knew our household income by their late teens. When they started asking about cars of their own we started talking about the realities of life, money, and the meaning of happiness.
Interesting. A question for everyone - when do your kids actually get to know how much their parents make/made? After they are out of the house? In college? When they start earnig themselves? Never?
Probably never, unless they find out on their own. Don't really have a great reason. It just has been one of those things we are not supposed to talk about.
My kids don't know a number. The oldest has an idea (dunno how accurate,,, my ex may have gandiose ideas on my income) and I like him knowing. I want him to see that with hard work and Walmart brand sodas a family of five can survive. I also want him to know that if he wants something, he needs to work and save. Also... I want him to see that a career where he has to apply himself to school/college pays soooooo much more... that money motivator can do alot more tham my nagging.
The youngest, 8yo, walked up when I had my checking acct up. I showed her the credits and debits. I explained how banks worked. She told me.... ohhhh I though you could just go to the bank and get money, but you have to put it in first.
The youngest, 8yo, walked up when I had my checking acct up. I showed her the credits and debits. I explained how banks worked. She told me.... ohhhh I though you could just go to the bank and get money, but you have to put it in first.
You know there are adults that think that way too when it comes to credit cards.
My kids are teens and they do not know our income but they are very aware of where we are on the food chain!
We have discussed money and things we can afford (or not) with our kids without going into any detail regarding our income.
We have also taught our kids not to discuss money with other people, that it is very private. I don't think a child asking a parent how much they make is rude, it's natural curiosity.
I think it gives the kids an idea that to get to where mom & dad are NOW they had to work hard. We didn't just get married and end up w/ this big house and nice cars w/ great vacations. Too many kids grow up thinking their first house should be just like the one they were when they were teenagers as mom & dad made more and may have "moved up" in housing by that time.
No need to ask and discuss openly what people make but they do need to know that different careers pay differently and it means you have to live differently depending on that pay scale.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT
My kids knew our household income by their late teens. When they started asking about cars of their own we started talking about the realities of life, money, and the meaning of happiness.
Ditto. When I've sat here looking up plans to do a vacation the oldest will pop up, "DO IT!" if it is something she LOVES. Then I'll show her the price tag and sometimes she is like, "WOW! That much. No way.". Other times she may realize it is reasonable. They need to know that sometimes it costs too much to do certain things. Even if one does have the money it doesn't mean they should just blow it without shopping around and taking all things into consideration. THAT is what I'm also trying to teach my kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rockinmomma
My kids don't know a number. The oldest has an idea
I also want him to know that if he wants something, he needs to work and save. Also... I want him to see that a career where he has to apply himself to school/college pays soooooo much more... that money motivator can do alot more tham my nagging.
The youngest, 8yo, walked up when I had my checking acct up. I showed her the credits and debits. I explained how banks worked. She told me.... ohhhh I though you could just go to the bank and get money, but you have to put it in first.
Ditto.
My oldest told me that a few years ago some friends of hers at school said something along the lines of, "your rich" to her. Her response was, "I'm not rich. I don't have any money. My parents may have money but I don't." By giving them the best education we can and making sure they are taking advantage of that solid education as well as learning that hard work is always needed to survive in life........ they will not be growing up thinking that everything in life is easy.
Also setting good examples for them. Our parents are by no means rich or wealthy. Our parents had rougher lives and tougher times and made sacrifices for us. Our kids now see us helping out our parents and being the one "footing the bill" when we take them out to eat. It is our turn to "pay them back" so to speak. We have been very fortunate and in turn we need to make sure the ones that made it possible are rewarded as well. The other thing is we have shown our kids and made them understand what it means to help others in need. It can be giving to charity organzations, doing the Angel Trees at Christmas and getting the kids actively involved and donating their time and resources for school and church functions. All of this teaches kids that sometimes in life you get dealt some hard blows and rough times. We need each other to get by and survive. This way hopefully they understand that it isn't always about how much money comes home in your paycheck but how you use it that makes a difference. So I think kids need to know a basis of what kind of income it takes to live different lifestyles.
That kind of information is on a "need to know" basis only.
When my children were small, they didn't need to know my income, but they were well apprised of how much I could (would) spend on stuff beyond what we had to have ... and I bought frugally, so my ex and kids thought I was making $100K+++ judging by her friends who had the same things. I wasn't, and it wasn't any of her business, either.
When my children were older, they needed to know if help was available for cars, college, etc. While I gave them their first cars (BMW 2002's), I told them the budget I had for their education ... which was adequate for quality in-state school tuition. If they wanted a more expensive education, they were going to need to find scholarships (which meant applying themselves to get the grades and achievement instead of goofing around thinking it was all "found money'), or we were going to look at student loans.
What they quickly figured out was that I was NOT going to support the extravagant lifestyle that their mom instilled in them ... fancy fashion designer clothes, expensive dining out, high dollar jewelry/watches/cameras and other toys .... If they wanted all that, it was out there for them to buy with their own earnings, Dad was not going to be a money tree. Nor was I going to give them a lifestyle that was far in excess of what I lived. It took awhile, but they finally came to realize that mooching off Dad and their girlfriends wasn't going to cut it for the long run, and completed their educations and got "real" jobs.
Unfortunately, both were tied into their extravagant expectations of lifestyle, and chose girlfriends primarily on their ability to have family money that would support them in the style .... they've married into very wealthy families where the money keeps flowing to them for housing, furnishings, vacation trips, and many other financial gifts. So their perspective on how little Dad gives them is filled with a lot of anger ... if the in-laws can give them so much money, why isn't Dad? simple answer: Dad doesn't have that money to give.
At one point, I thought that estate planning with my children would be a valid concern and they would be privvy to my finances. But as their lifestyles have developed from their in-laws, the money I could give them is but a small fraction of what they think I have ... and wouldn't mean much more than a few trinkets or a burden to them (investment real estate) that wouldn't be worth the time and effort to manage for the dollars of cash flow they could realize.
So, we've come to a point where they don't need to know what I make or what I'm worth. Nor does anybody else, except my accountant and my estate planning lawyer. And I don't need to impress anybody ... frankly, I don't need to know what you make, and I'm not impressed by all the toys and trinkets and frivolous spending others do. If you've got it and it makes you happy, so be it. If it disappoints you that I'm not falling over myself impressed with your acquisitions, it's not my problem.
If you're able to live well within your income and be happy, that's way more important than all the dough.
I know too many folks who are genuinely wealthy, have great incomes ... hate their jobs, and have a lot of "stuff" which does not make them happy ... and are generally miserable people. They've figured out how to make all that money, but never attached any "value" to what it brings them ... it's just stuff and appearances of success without meaning. That appears to be the path that my kids have chosen ... well trained by their mom.
As aspect of all this that my kids never learned ... some of the happiest moments and fondest memories came during times when we didn't have very much money. You can't put a "price" on the days we spent sailing to nowhere, or the fishing trips off the beach, or the camping trips in the backcountry wilderness areas, or the cross-country ski days on forest service trails because we couldn't afford lift tickets for a weekend, or the days spent messing around with our horses and trail riding in the mountains ....
We have told our kids a few things about our estate planning. Mostly about guardianship and where they would go and such only because they are old enough to understand moreso than really young kids. We have also told them that they should not let ANYONE tell them they have to sell ANYTHING. Well business stuff can be but as far as land, real estate, personal belongings and the cars we have collected does NOT have to be sold. If there is something they want to keep they can. Too many times the people that might take over for them if they are still minors will get rid of things or tell them it needs to be sold to help pay for their college or living expenses. We want our kids to know it does NOT have to be that way so they can stand up for their rights. They know that just about everything we own is paid for and does not have a note attached to it. I think things like this are important for them to know so that someone doesn't try to force their way on them.
My stepson knows roughly how much his mom and I make. We told him to give him an idea what he could make if he applied himself just a little. Looking back this might have been a mistake. I think he has less of a drive because he thinks we will be there to back him up monetarily. He is in for a shock!
My stepson knows roughly how much his mom and I make. We told him to give him an idea what he could make if he applied himself just a little. Looking back this might have been a mistake. I think he has less of a drive because he thinks we will be there to back him up monetarily. He is in for a shock!
LOL!!! I've told our kids that as soon as the last one walks across the high school graduating stage we are "outta here" so there will not be a big home for them to come back to. Mom and dad are downsizing and moving to the beach
With college we are really trying to get them to understand how important it is to make good grades in jr high and high school. Get those scholarships, think about which college is the best to go to for their field, etc. We will help w/ some of college but they have to do their part. They know that we paid our own way thru college as our parents didn't have the money to pay for it at all so we have no pity on them whatsoever when it comes to working and attending school.
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