Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Doesn’t that kid have his own grandparents that he spends time with?
I’m not understanding what the issue is. The biological kid gets time with his dad and dad’s side of family and are bonded with them. This other kid ideally has his own dad (and dad’s fam) that he visits with as well. The woman appears to not be married to either kid’s dad, so the kids aren’t anyone’s step kid or step grandkid.
If it were a step-kid/grand, that would be different.
I can think of one family where the wife’s had kids from a previous marriage, remarried and had more kids. Her current husband treats his steps as his own kids. His parents treat their step-g-kids as their own. The kids from first marriage visit with their dad’s side routinely. It would be weird for dad’s side to need to include her other kids as well, just so they don’t miss out on something.
Married or not, when the dad(s) took up with this woman the assumption is that they take on her other children too. Even without that piece of legal paper they should still be treated as the man's stepchildren.
Do you feel differently if the other child has no father or no involved grandparents of their own for whatever reason?
Married or not, when the dad(s) took up with this woman the assumption is that they take on her other children too. Even without that piece of legal paper they should still be treated as the man's stepchildren.
Do you feel differently if the other child has no father or no involved grandparents of their own for whatever reason?
It sounds like the woman isn’t currently with any of the fathers. They were all referred to as ex-husbands. There was no current husband spoken of, just several children by multiple ex-husbands.
I would think one ex-husband’s parents wouldn’t have an obligation to their former ex-DIL’s other children. If they want to, that is nice of them, but it shouldn’t be expected of them.
When my FIL remarried after his wife died he married a wonderful woman with 6 kids and many grandchildren. She treated my kids and my bil’s kids the same as her own grandchildren. What she bought for one she bought for all. So take both kids or no one.
Very nice!
Agreed with the wonderful woman description.
It is a little tricky. Where is grandparents D son? Is he dead? If the father is dead maybe the grandparents want some time to tell him stories about his father while they entertain him.
If the parents are divorced does the father take his son's half brother when he takes his son? Are the kids close in age? If they aren't close in age it can be a problem.
Do the kids get a long? Is the step brother well behaved ? Does the mother just want time off from both kids? Do the grandparents ever get any one on one time with their grandson?
What does the Son think? It's his son and his parents. He should be getting some input. The thing is, life isn't always going to be fair. They have different fathers and different grandparents. If the son was still living with the woman it would be nice if the grandparents bought them equal value Xmas gifts and remembered everyone's birthday, but at some point they are not obligated to treat the kids the same.
Mom thinks the grandparents should take both kids on vacation. Even though 1 of them is not related to them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mike1003
The kids are still their step grandkids.
Neither of these 2 kids' dad are with the mom. She is currently married to someone else that is NOT the father of the 2 children in this issue.
I don't know how much of a role the child's dad had with the planning of the vacation. I think the grandparents are footing the bill financially for the trip. Mom never mentioned the ex dad, instead choosing to direct her ire towards the grandparents for not including the other child that is close in age.
I wish I had more details. When I heard of this issue I thought it was somewhat unique but not uncommon with all the blended families. I was curious to see other people's opinions on this topic.
The family of the mother and her two kids is the most important factor here. The mother wants her family to be tight with one another, the boys are brothers and should not have a wedge between them, which is what will happen if the mother allows one boy to get something that the other boy will feel shortchanged.
The grandparents need to be told they need to treat both boys equally or their access to their grandson will be limited.
Never allow your family to be undermined in this way. Kids remember everything and being treated fairly is very important.
On the other hand, there may be resentment if the biological grandchild knows his grandparents want to take him to Disneyland or wherever and he doesn't get to go because of his half sibling.
If both children are elementary aged and on their third father it doesn't say much for their mother.
Leaving the grandparents out of it, Let's say it was the bio father wanting to take his son on a vacation somewhere. Should that not be allowed because of the other child? That seems wrong to me, so by extension so does refusing the grandparents. Are the grandparents allowed to take the grandchild for a walk around the block without the other child? For an ice cream? Movie? Pizza? Overnight? Fishing? Camping? Where is the line?
I'm going to be the odd one out here and say the Mother needs to explain to the kids that they have different grandparents and that is why child X is going and child Y isn't. Sure, it would be great if the grandparents took the other child as well, but it is not a perfect world.
On the other hand, there may be resentment if the biological grandchild knows his grandparents want to take him to Disneyland or wherever and he doesn't get to go because of his half sibling.
If both children are elementary aged and on their third father it doesn't say much for their mother.
Leaving the grandparents out of it, Let's say it was the bio father wanting to take his son on a vacation somewhere. Should that not be allowed because of the other child? That seems wrong to me, so by extension so does refusing the grandparents. Are the grandparents allowed to take the grandchild for a walk around the block without the other child? For an ice cream? Movie? Pizza? Overnight? Fishing? Camping? Where is the line?
I'm going to be the odd one out here and say the Mother needs to explain to the kids that they have different grandparents and that is why child X is going and child Y isn't. Sure, it would be great if the grandparents took the other child as well, but it is not a perfect world.
IMO, the mom should NOT expect the grandparents to take on the other child for this trip. The other child isn't even a step grandchild because mom is divorced from the grandparents' son.
I think it's beyond presumptous for the mom to be upset at the grandparents for not wanting to take the other child. The grandparents have no blood or legal connections to the other child. This would be the equivalent of forcing the grandparents to take the grandchild and a school mate.
I think the grandson deserves some special time with his grandparents. Mom can make a point of doing something special with the other child, while the other is with his grandparents, and maybe she can teach her children that sometimes, some kids get different privileges than others, but that it usually evens out.
Way back in the day, my cousin and I were invited to spend a week with my grandma (my cousin's aunt.) We both came from large families...the oldest of 5 kids for each of us. Both of us craved feeling special, so we were looking forward to this week...and each of us didn't know the other was coming.
And so...we were competitive with each other, and we mostly didn't get along. My grandma thought she was doing a nice thing, and that it would be great for us to have a buddy in each other to hang out with, and do things together. But what we both wanted was to feel...special.
And another childhood memory...
I was 6 yrs old, in 1st grade. I came home from school one day, and my mom called me into her sewing room. She told me that she and my siblings were invited to go to the beach that day, and so they had spent the day at the beach. BUT, she wanted me to know that even though I didn't get to go THIS time, there would be other times I WOULD get to go, and because I was the oldest, there would be opportunities for me to do other things that my siblings wouldn't be able to do, so I should try not to be upset that I didn't get to go to the beach that day. (We lived in Florida.)
And that explanation worked for me. I totally accepted that it was OK that I didn't go to the beach. I'd get the opportunity to do fun stuff some other day...and I was perfectly fine with that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
