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She has met or had a few males friends over the yrs that were really into her and would've been real and hopefully a great partner, almost like old school 20yrs olds .
Unfortunately though she just hasn't felt that way.
l mean l know, only 21, plenty of time yeah. But it would be so nice if at least one thing turned out 1/2 real , half decent, at least lasted a few yrs and didn't end up with her being hurt, again..
Our Son went to a large, youth group at a local church. He met lots of great friends there, & he'll likely end up marrying one of them.
I'd steer her to a large, single's church ministry....& I'm not religious...have not been in a church in many years. My Son shocked me when he started going there, quite honestly.
I saw what it did for my Son, so I'm biased. I'd suggest she try that, maybe go w/ a girlfriend the first few times to make it easier.
Hi people.
This is not an easy thing to write l've seen many times around forums vulnerable type threads turn into shytshows. Too often end up all being thrown back in the op's face or the op ends up spending 3/4 of the thread defending themselves over misunderstandings. .
So you know , if you don't wanna appreciate this situation and be nice then best go play somewhere else.
My daughters 21 and has had a terrible run with guys and bf's.They don't stick around or fade off or turn all wishy woshy. And l don't say this as her dad but as a male, yet she's a very special girl with so much depth and old soul, a kind heart and fantastic to talk to. Nice looking and l tell you what, if a worthy guy came along she'd be the best partner he'd be finding , it's just how she is.
But we just dk how to advise anymore when something else hits the fan.
The young guys are so different now and everythings sm or date sites, fast, text, Things for her and a lot of her friends just don't happen the way they use to and the guys mostly just aren't that way either.
Seems friendships too are mostly just cheap instant and throw away crap like everything else.
Ok, here goes.
The problem is her selection. (Please folks, don't roast me, I've had many male friends that went fishing in a drainage ditch so to speak and caught nothing but slugs, it goes both ways)
For example, I have a shy, (very tall, nowhere near 6 foot) son that is not out in the bars and so forth and a late bloomer. Recently out of college, makes about 80k in a lower cost area (STEM degree) and much like I experienced when I was his age is competing against a variety of Chad's that live at home and are in a band or work part time but are *cool* and have *game*. I stay out of their dating life but they've long been unpopular but that is changing as I've seen a long line of guys I know that are late bloomers end up doing just fine.
Sooo, you need to steer your daughter towards places where she may meet non-Chads or just cross your fingers and hope she doesn't get knocked up by one of them.
Actually, that may be your best advice. Don't try to influence her choices but rather steer her towards outings and social activities that have the kinds of guys that would work for her.
It may sound stupid, but don't go fishing for Atlantic Salmon in Kansas.
What kind of job does she have? There are some jobs where it's fine to date in the workplace because if it doesn't work out one of them can move on easily. There are other jobs where they shouldn't date because it's a lucrative position and it could cause problems.
I believe you said something about her going back to school? That would be a good place for meeting people. If she likes church, that's another option. Obviously it isn't a good choice for an atheist.
If she hasn't set out on a career path, the medical field is wide open. It always looks like the young people working at hospitals are having a good time. There are a lot more jobs than just nurses and doctors. There are all sorts of technicians and lab people.
She could join volunteer groups or if she likes hiking - hiking groups. She'll be better off meeting someone that is interested in what she's interested in, be it cooking or kayaking.
She is young and there is no hurry. Plus, she has had boyfriends even if it didn't work out long term with any of them. If she'd never had a boyfriend or dated, then there would be something to be concerned about. I don't think there's anything abnormal about what you have told us. And to be honest, it's much more important that she be self sufficient than have a bf. If you think she is having undue anxiety about not constantly having a bf, perhaps see should have a few visits with a therapist.
Make yourself the best you can be so no man can refuse you. It may not be a sure guarantee of success, but it is not a bad way to operate.....almost. There are at least 2 risks.
First, it is potentially possible that you might make your self so much a Goddess, no one will try to have you. Secondly, using ambition to drive one's self may be a course of eventual self destruction; the body can cruise on warp drive only for so long.
Hi people.
This is not an easy thing to write l've seen many times around forums vulnerable type threads turn into shytshows. Too often end up all being thrown back in the op's face or the op ends up spending 3/4 of the thread defending themselves over misunderstandings. .
So you know , if you don't wanna appreciate this situation and be nice then best go play somewhere else.
My daughters 21 and has had a terrible run with guys and bf's.They don't stick around or fade off or turn all wishy woshy. And l don't say this as her dad but as a male, yet she's a very special girl with so much depth and old soul, a kind heart and fantastic to talk to. Nice looking and l tell you what, if a worthy guy came along she'd be the best partner he'd be finding , it's just how she is.
But we just dk how to advise anymore when something else hits the fan.
The young guys are so different now and everythings sm or date sites, fast, text, Things for her and a lot of her friends just don't happen the way they use to and the guys mostly just aren't that way either.
Seems friendships too are mostly just cheap instant and throw away crap like everything else.
I'd strongly encourage a young woman in her 20s to find a line of work that she'd love and be enthusiastic about. A purpose in life, as well as a good income. I'd encourage her to keep trying to find that purpose in life, and set a plan to work toward that goal. She'll be working all day for years. It's important to find something to do that she loves, is passionate about, while providing her a decent income. Point out that she could have a dream life, doing the work she loves, making money, having a cute apartment, nice clothes, good car. These things will attract a whole other set of men, too.
I'd tell her that guys will come and go. Once she's set on her path in life, there will be many more guys seeking her out. It's important that she be independent financially and have something to do with her life, goals other than dating guys.
I'd also suggest, and get her, a few books to help her deal with young men. Young women can be easily manipulated and may not realize that most young guys are hunting sex, not relationships. I suggest the book "Why Men Love *******." It's not the way it sounds; it's about a woman being selective, setting boundaries, realizing what she needs/wants and kindly turning away men who don't meet those needs and wants. It helps with self-respect, self-awareness, and self-esteem. It would help give her more power in the young-guy-goes-after-young-woman scenario. It would also help her realize what a young man's real goal may be, no matter what he says. She shouldn't be wasting her time and energy on wishy washy guys, or guys who don't treat her respectfully or recognize her worth. That book will help her weed out those kind of guys early on, before she falls for them.
I'd also get her a book or two about finding a purpose in life. Just like a young man, a young woman should have a purpose, goals, other than dating. Enthusiasm for something besides the opposite sex. She should be too busy to worry about wishy washy guys or losers.
As a father of two young women (23 and almost 21), I agree with the OP that finding a good, caring man is tough. Both Mathguy and bpollen have passed good advice that we have encouraged our daughters with.
First is for the young lady to have confidence in herself. She needs to love herself first and have purpose for her life like bpollen suggested....great comments.
Funny thing is that my oldest is a bit overconfident and having a rough time finding someone. My youngest is insecure, but has found a super nice Christian gentleman that she met at a church campout. She has began to come out of her shell with him. The key to this guy is that he is about 5 years older than her. He's doing all the right things...patient, kind and respectful.
Maturity in guys as we know start later in life...about mid-twenties. So that is where the OP's daughter should look.
Thanks very much for those there's some great tips and experience in there. Mind you , as l said l'm not interfering in anyway tbh l'd rather let nature take it's course. But she talks about things and to her mum too when it sadly hits the fan that's all and it's really hard to see as a parent.
Some is only natural but she's had a terrible run.
l think a guy a bit older too bc they have mostly been way too young for her and her personality.
But the work thing some direction , hobbies and stuff yeah as l said she is working on all that for next yr too your all right we know it will really help her in so many ways, she knows that too and can't wait.
We've both tried to help out a bit in the picker side of things if she's talking about it and she is trying .
Thanks again all.
ps, doubt l'm any more caring than any other dad don't think any parent likes seeing their kids have hard time - although maybe l'm wrong ha, maybe plenty of parent just let them sort themselves out, God knows. Maybe that's as good as any , God knows that either.
She's only 21 so I would worry too much. People seem to be getting married and settling down later in life these days so it could be a while until she finds someone. My kids are young so im sure I'll be anxious when they're dating but I didn't get married until my mid 30s. You just can't always plan these things.
As a lady that went the spectrum of mistakes and follies in my 20's.
Here is my wish list for the females gearing into their 20's.
LEARN that NO is a full sentence.
Build relationships with both genders- thru social gatherings. Not some bar or crazed fade. Its 100% possible to be friends with both genders and to actually remain so thru out life.
Find a mentor in your career. They will want to pass the knowledge and wisdom.
Be balanced- In delving out time for family/friends, hobbies, career goals, faith based programs and community service.
Having a companion in your 20's can be a slow and steady task , which is healthy. I wouldn't deter intimacy for that age group- I would encourage that they be realistic and precautionary on some health levels. Be it mental fortitude or physical boundaries.
Definitely save funds and manage financial responsiblities.
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