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If they are still living at home, it is your house, your rules. You can let them know that as long as they are under your roof, they are not allowed to smoke tobacco or pot or to have it in your house. If they want to smoke, it is time for them to find a new place to live.
You can set a level on the amount of drinking and tell them if they want to spent time drunk it is time for them to move out.
Tobacco, booze, and pot cost a lot of money. Where are they getting the money? If they are getting it from you, you are giving them far too much money to spend on discretionary items.
My kid picked up smoking in high school and I bribed him to quit. But he was a responsible person, had barely started smoking, and hadn't been over-indulged all of his life. I paid for a lift ticket for him once a week if he could go that full week without smoking. When ski season was over, I offered a weekend ski vacation if he could make it through until the next winter without smoking. He wanted to ski more than he wanted to smoke. Your kids are probably too old for that solution.
Okay first off stop with the funds . Let them fall on their face . When they get up they will realize they need to grow up . Get away from them for a while and cut the gravy train off and let them grow up . Real simple .
If they are still living at home, it is your house, your rules. You can let them know that as long as they are under your roof, they are not allowed to smoke tobacco or pot or to have it in your house. If they want to smoke, it is time for them to find a new place to live.
You can set a level on the amount of drinking and tell them if they want to spent time drunk it is time for them to move out.
Tobacco, booze, and pot cost a lot of money. Where are they getting the money? If they are getting it from you, you are giving them far too much money to spend on discretionary items.
My kid picked up smoking in high school and I bribed him to quit. But he was a responsible person, had barely started smoking, and hadn't been over-indulged all of his life. I paid for a lift ticket for him once a week if he could go that full week without smoking. When ski season was over, I offered a weekend ski vacation if he could make it through until the next winter without smoking. He wanted to ski more than he wanted to smoke. Your kids are probably too old for that solution.
Actually that only pertains in the house.
My house my rules doesn’t extend past the property line, what they do outside the home cannot be controlled.
Step daughter and son in law used to drink like crazy. Mainly just beer but enjoyed Jeager bombs occasionally on weekends.
He was military and had all his Army buddies over to their place in the country for beer pong, going through no telling how many cases of beer a weekend, plus they put a good dent in the beer supply during the week. They always stayed home while drinking and drinking visitors had to give them their car keys which were then hidden until they knew their friends were sober the next day. My wife wasn't too worried. She knew they'd get tired of it after a while, and they did. They still drink, but a 12 pack will last at least a week.
What you need to worry more about is whether they are going to want to continue to live with you after college. If your husband drinks and smokes then it will be harder to say no smoking drinking in the house. What does he think about things?
My two adult children ages 18 and 20 smoke way too much nicotine, cannabis, and drink too much beer for my liking. I don't know what to do at this point? I have no control and this behavior is ruining my relationship with them. I dont know what to do....I am so worried they will turn to bigger drugs and addiction next. NO support from husband at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Monkey00
I worry because drug and alcohol addiction run in my family. I had a parent and sibling addicted. One of my children has ADHD and the other has depression. It’s a recipe for disaster. I hate sitting back while it happens but likeyousaidit pushes them away when I get on their case about it. It’s a lose lose situation. I’m just really disappointed in them for choosing these behaviors. They are both in college and work but they pay for nothing except their weed and fun. We support them fully financially
I've been drinking since I was 13. It was introduced to me by my parents and I was schooled very closely on how to do so responsibly. Until I was legal age, once I had a drink at home I wasn't allowed to leave the home was one of the strict rules that was enforced. So I would have a beer, wine cooler, or wine with dinner or with my family. Not only was it part of their culture but alcohol consumption was done under their guidance. They also accepted that once I left the home, there is very little they can do.... it doesn't matter if I was legal age or not... there is no way they can be there all the time.
When I aged into college, I was fully prepared to do so responsibly. I've seen some stupidity around alcohol. For me, it was no big deal. The difference here was that I was paying/working my way through college. So money spent on these vices wasn't my parent's money but my own. That instilled behavior translates to everything vice; smoking, weed, gambling whatever.... The key here is sure... enjoy... but do so responsibly and in moderation or face the consequences. That was decades ago... I have no problems consuming vices in moderation... never had a run in with the law regarding any of my vices.
In this situation, that ship has sailed. I am assuming they are no longer living at home or out a lot on their own. The best you can do as parents, IMO, is to talk to them about your concerns. How you go about approaching them is very important. Demanding them to stop or pressing them instead of taking the role of guidance is not going to accomplish anything other than push them away. I am also assuming they both know your family's history of addiction... that isn't going to stop them as they are both now making their own decisions. Shaming them because of that history is also not going to work.
Honestly... IMO not much you can do. You certainly are enabling them since you are fully supporting them financially... I do agree with those posters regarding. If they do return home to live with you, remember that it is your roof and you get to set the rules. They don't like it, you should be stern and they should consider funding their own place to live. Tough love is all you can do at this point... that means not enabling them.
Actually that only pertains in the house.
My house my rules doesn’t extend past the property line, what they do outside the home cannot be controlled.
OP can't determine if they're using outside the house? She can't stop them from using but she can stop supporting them while they are. I'm not saying she should, necessarily but you sound like a bit of a @(#*$@ss. It's fine for you but THEY aren't working, etc. etc. so their situation sounds a bit different than yours.
OP can't determine if they're using outside the house? She can't stop them from using but she can stop supporting them while they are. I'm not saying she should, necessarily but you sound like a bit of a @(#*$@ss. It's fine for you but THEY aren't working, etc. etc. so their situation sounds a bit different than yours.
OP said they are working and going to school, but they only pay for weed and fun. They are otherwise financed fully by the parents. She didn't say if they were still living at home. She did say one had ADHD and the other depression. Probably not a good combination with pit and alcohol. "shrug.
You can keep them as busy as you want lol they’re still going to have time to drink and smoke.
Yeah, that’s true.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skysthelimit89
But don’t push them away over having their own life choices, your kids don’t have to lead the same except life you do, they are their own individuals, as they should be. It’s a personal choice to drink alcohol or smoke cannabis.
Yes, it is definitely a personal choice and if the use isn’t interfering with their life or hurting anyone (including themselves) then hey…God bless. I just naturally assumed that the use is excessive, or headed that way. The other thing is the family history of addiction. That is absolutely a concern and I totally get why a parent would not want their kid drinking too much and taking marijuana while their lives are headed in the wrong direction. That’s parenting.
Almost everything is a personal choice, doesn’t mean it’s a good choice or that it should be allowed to continue without trying to intervene when someone sees a problem.
I don’t think having a drink with dinner is what we are talking about here.
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