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Found out more today—that they’ve been like this from day one, and he didn’t tell us because he thought we would make him quit—-and he was desperate to keep working there and not have to go to college.
Are these his only two options? If not, have you made that clear to him?
Are these his only two options? If not, have you made that clear to him?
No—but that is what he mistakenly believed. (Although to be fair I was pushing college pretty hard for reasons already discussed). We spent some time last night looking at job listings.
While college and additional schooling/training isn't what he wants to do I think this experience has proven your son needs some help transitioning into a stable professional career.
Almost all major cities have Career Centers. Places were people can ask professionals and find mentors to help them learn how to find and secure the right job. And if additional training or skills are needed they can assist him there or point him the right direction. Help him buff up his resume to attract the right kind of job or even set him up with an interview. Give him advice and knowledge about employee rights and proper conduit.
He need a mentor/advisor in his career field, not his parents. It's a nice indicator of your son's trust in you; but it fails to enable him to be independent and make important decisions regarding his career which you really have no control or real input on. What would happen if he didn't ask or tell you about his work situation? Would he had still been there because he didn't have someone say quit? That's not ideal and that lack of initiative will keep hurting him in the workplace like it did this last time.
He needs to get more training, an mentor or apprenticeship, or career counseling. Jumping into another job right now won't solve his larger issues of being inexperienced and at a disadvantage due to no established career path support. He also need to be independent. Encourage his job search but make it clear this is his responsibility and career. He needs to take charge and let mom/dad celebrate rather then dictate.
You need to tell your son to file a lawsuit against this company it is highly inapropriate to be talking like this in the work environment . Perhaps you could steer him in this direction and maybe go with him to the appointment just to make sure he does not forget anything . He could be sitting pretty by this time next year . This is an unprofessional company he is working for and it will ruin him if he does not get away from it now .
Depends on the environment you work in, sounds like he’s just not meant for this field and the people who work in it.
I work in skydiving and most skydivers lead extreme lives in and outside of the dropzones and we have some very straight laced people who skydive, they don’t come to dropzone and ask people not to cuss or drink heavily after work, they just don’t associate with certain people or stay after hours once jumping is done.
Most “speciality careers” don’t operate like regular careers you don’t have straight laced work environments or a lot of rules. You have no dress codes, foul language and people who live the whole work hard play hard mentality.
If you’re going to be straight laced and work in those environments regardless of knowing better then that’s on them. You can’t change certain industries atmospheres.
While college and additional schooling/training isn't what he wants to do I think this experience has proven your son needs some help transitioning into a stable professional career.
Almost all major cities have Career Centers. Places were people can ask professionals and find mentors to help them learn how to find and secure the right job. And if additional training or skills are needed they can assist him there or point him the right direction. Help him buff up his resume to attract the right kind of job or even set him up with an interview. Give him advice and knowledge about employee rights and proper conduit.
He need a mentor/advisor in his career field, not his parents. It's a nice indicator of your son's trust in you; but it fails to enable him to be independent and make important decisions regarding his career which you really have no control or real input on. What would happen if he didn't ask or tell you about his work situation? Would he had still been there because he didn't have someone say quit? That's not ideal and that lack of initiative will keep hurting him in the workplace like it did this last time.
He needs to get more training, an mentor or apprenticeship, or career counseling. Jumping into another job right now won't solve his larger issues of being inexperienced and at a disadvantage due to no established career path support. He also need to be independent. Encourage his job search but make it clear this is his responsibility and career. He needs to take charge and let mom/dad celebrate rather then dictate.
This comment is way off the mark.
His boss told us he would be mentoring him.
Nor does my son lack initiative. He learned this skill all on his own, developed it on his own, pursued the job on his own, all with encouragement from us but no guidance other than to check for spelling errors on his resume.
Furthermore, we have not dictated *anything.*. If we were dictating things, he would be going to a 4 year arts college, end of discussion.
He was in a situation he didn’t quite know how to handle. He now knows what to do next time. That doesn’t mean he is a poor decision maker or lacks initiative or that he is stupid. He is as you say, inexperienced, but he is gaining experience every day. As far as we are concerned, this is his apprenticeship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by skysthelimit89
If you’re going to be straight laced and work in those environments regardless of knowing better then that’s on them. You can’t change certain industries atmospheres.
I think the question is how to be around these kinds of people and be relaxed enough to handle it, but stay true to his morals and to himself. He needs boundaries and self-care.
He will not change professions. This is all he wants to do. It’s his dream...all we are trying to do is support him the best way we know how.
He knows he needs to toughen up a bit; we know that too. Sometimes outside insights are helpful, that’s all.
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 08-10-2021 at 02:35 PM..
Caligirl - you brought your thoughts here.
Your son is 18/19 and seems to need special guidance. You refuse to disclose what this professional career path it but go sex/.... .
He refuses to go to college. Is his only way this outfit as I do not want to refer to it as company based on your statements here?
Caligirl - you brought your thoughts here.
Your son is 18/19 and seems to need special guidance. You refuse to disclose what this professional career path it but go sex/.... .
He refuses to go to college. Is his only way this outfit as I do not want to refer to it as company based on your statements here?
Be prepared for a train wreck.
I don’t refuse to disclose his profession; I will tell anyone who messages me.
I just refuse to to accept that we are coddling him or dictating what he does or doesn’t do. That is not accurate.
Not everyone is cut out for college. It’s not as if he is refusing to work or is working a fast food job (not that there is anything wrong with that). He is in a tricky situation because an 18 year old is, despite some comments, not a full adult. He cannot legally drink or even rent a car. He has the same skill level as those much older than he is, but not the experience. And while college sounds like a great solution to outsiders, it is not a solution if it jeopardizes his mental health.
He did talk to his main boss and the air was cleared on both sides. I still think the really crappy part was leaving him outside while they drank—partly because they like to think of themselves as a “team”—and you don’t intentionally exclude one of the team.
At other times, I do know that his boss is protecting him, encouraging him, teaching him, giving him more chances and the benefit of the doubt. It isn’t all awful or we never would have agreed to it.
There are other positions as I’ve said.
Last edited by calgirlinnc; 08-10-2021 at 07:19 PM..
calgal, I think you are handling it in the best way possible. Listen to the naysayers, take what you can use and throw away the rest. He is your son, you know him best and you are just trying to help him. My oldest daughter appeared on the surface to be very together and competent but it was misleading. I struggled to help her, as a single parent, to establish boundaries, adjust to taking direction, all the things of growing up. She did not want to go to college. She had a difficult childhood and was gay. So, I tried to help her to grow up without infringing on her right to make mistakes and suffer the consequences. She is now 60 years old and still has some problems but was successful in her chosen field.
I don’t refuse to disclose his profession; I will tell anyone who messages me.
I just refuse to to accept that we are coddling him dictating what he does or doesn’t do. That is not accurate.
Not everyone is cut out for college. It’s not as if he is refusing to work or is working a fast food job (not that there is anything wrong with that). He is in a tricky situation because an 18 year old is, despite some comments, not a full adult. He cannot legally drink or even rent a car. He has the same skill level as those much older than he is, but not the experience. And while college sounds like a great solution to outsiders, it is not a solution if it jeopardizes his mental health.
He did talk to his main boss and the air was cleared on both sides. I still think the really crappy part was leaving him outside while they drank—partly because they like to think of themselves as a “team”—and you don’t intentionally exclude one of the team.
At other times, I do know that his boss is protecting him, encouraging him, teaching him, giving him more chances and the benefit of the doubt. It isn’t all awful or we never would have agreed to it.
There are other positions as I’ve said.
This is what I was talking about. You keep saying your not dictating but you also use language that implies you are more in control of the situation than you're letting on.
If this is about your son becoming independent and building skills to be a competent employee in his field then he needs TRAINING and valuable MENTORSHIP from someone he is willing to work with. You pushed him on a bad mentor and it failed. Now you want him to follow up with his lack of knowledge and hope he doesn't repeat the situation again even though the career path regularly involves a lifestyle/conduit he's not sure is appropriate for the path he wants.
I really don't get why you're so against your son getting additional training and assistance in finding a proper landing spot for his career. You are very vague about the job/career and instead of being up front you force people to jump through hoops to just help you.
I'm out of here, but I hope your son is able to find the proper career advice he needs.
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