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Do not regret having children at all. But my best friend growing up said he wouldn't if given the chance again. Has a 5 and 3 year old. He focused on his career, makes good money, gets more excited talking about his work accomplishments than anything to do with family. He recently wanted out, but his wife went out of her way to accommodate for him (she had a job that involved more travelling but switched to one less so) and I think has pulled back on the "you need to watch the kids now" type thing.
Now they're both the type to work extra hard to make more money, to spend more so they stressed at a higher level. Need vacations away from the kids as a way to enjoy their life. Still have separate bank accounts, live with the mother of wife (as father passed away 15 years ago) so don't have a mortgage. We'll see how it plays out in the long-run. I think he'll be the type that is "I'll pay for your schooling, but after that, you are out". I'm in Canada so it's much cheaper.
He focused on his career, makes good money, gets more excited talking about his work accomplishments than anything to do with family.
This is exactly how I think I'd feel and why I lean against children. I'm an author and writing is my number one passion. I fear if I had kids, I'd resent them from taking up time which could be spent working on my writing. I've never felt unfulfilled without them, so the more I think about it, the more it seems better not to risk it. I think the biological clock must be a myth because I've wanted kids less and less since I hit my 30s. Maybe it's just seeing other people raise theirs. Most of my friends had kids in their 20s, so I've been watching (and listening to them complain) for the last 15+ years. It doesn't look very fun.
This is exactly how I think I'd feel and why I lean against children. I'm an author and writing is my number one passion. I fear if I had kids, I'd resent them from taking up time which could be spent working on my writing. I've never felt unfulfilled without them, so the more I think about it, the more it seems better not to risk it. I think the biological clock must be a myth because I've wanted kids less and less since I hit my 30s. Maybe it's just seeing other people raise theirs. Most of my friends had kids in their 20s, so I've been watching (and listening to them complain) for the last 15+ years. It doesn't look very fun.
The good news is that having kids like so many things in life is a personal choice, and opting out altogether is valid. Do what's best for you - be confident - and don't let the experience or opinions of others (positive or negative) influence it.
I'd be surprised if people reading a parenting forum in the first place would be those parents who wish they hadn't become parents. I read it (childfree by choice, no regrets whatsoever) because I do like to read what people get out of being parents or comments by those few who chose not to become parents. Don't feel I have the right to say much more or any more due to my own choice.
Yes, I only had one and wanted more, but that's just how life went for me.
It wasn't what I expected. I ended up a single mom with no more opportunity for another marriage or more children, and I had a long career that I never wanted but which left me with a nice pension now. (Cue the chorus to "You can't always get what you want...")
It also wasn't easy. I have an physically beautiful, exceptionally intelligent daughter who is also mentally ill. She's doing very well right now, but I'll never be able to relax and just think "she's going to be fine".
I don't regret having her, but some part of me will likely always be sad that I had no more kids, only one shot at a poor marriage, and that there will be no grandchildren. For the most part I'm OK with it, though. You learn to accept life's slaps.
I had her when I was 31. After 7 years of marriage, we both felt ready for it. We agreed to only have one. Before I got pregnant, I found myself literally aching for a baby. So, looking back, had I not soothed that ache, I know I would have deeply regretted it. When she was born, I was surprised at just how strong my maternal instincts were! She was a sweet, good natured baby but, yet, she had her preferences. For example, she wanted to be held a certain way when she was fed. Also, when she was burped. If she wasn't held the right way, she let us know
It wasn't always easy. The teen years and the young adult years were a bit rough. She gave us 3 grandkids and I'm so happy to have them in our lives.
The good news is that having kids like so many things in life is a personal choice, and opting out altogether is valid. Do what's best for you - be confident - and don't let the experience or opinions of others (positive or negative) influence it.
Yeah. I have no one to have sex with anyway, so I don't even really need to make the choice. I'm just relieved I don't WANT kids... spending most of my 30s alone would have been terribly depressing if that was the case. I see other single women my age who are scrambling to find someone and getting desperate and upset... looks awful.
Me too. But 17 women said they wouldn't become parents again, so apparently regret is pretty common.
Yes, years ago, when I was a teenager, I worked in a store with a woman who had three kids. She said if she had the chance to do it over, she wouldn't have had any.
It is good that in this day and age, women can make the choice not to have children and not be stigmatized for it.
Me too. But 17 women said they wouldn't become parents again, so apparently regret is pretty common.
I think it's pretty common but also there's really no socially acceptable place or means for people to voice that regret. Parenthood is really unique in this sense - I can't really think of any other life choice where society generally considers you a horrible person if you express any kind of regret about the decision without couching it in flowery qualifiers about how you still wouldn't have it any other way.
It's OK for most people to express regret about relationships, marriage, not having kids, pretty much any other life decision. But choosing parenthood? If you're not loving it (or pretending to) every minute then it sure seems like you're criticized. Why are people forced to bottle that up? In my opinion, it's normal and even healthy to allow parents to voice regret about some or all aspects of parenthood. Life doesn't always pan out exactly like we'd imagine. Not every life experience we take is going to be a dream come true - what's wrong with a little honesty? Instead the only place for these opinions to be expressed is - apparently - online anonymity or the confines of a therapist's office.
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