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I must begin by saying I am so thankful my daughter has been healthy and clean now for seven years after many years of drug addiction. And yes, I'm sure she's clean. She has a felony rom her drug days which caused her to take up working as a cook to gain employment. She obtained a culinary degree. These employers are not that picky, but now, as my granddaughter approaches her teen years and my daughter approaches 36, I am concerned that it's time to move on to a more stable job. The cooking thing was OK at first but It's time to gain employment that might give them security, sick leave, vacation time, etc. I can't afford to keep paying for emergencies (rent, phone, etc) when her hours get cut, she is sick for more then a day or her car breaks down, while she flips burgers. I need her to grow up! I don't want her to end up getting evicted but I'm 6 years away from retirement. When does this end? What do I do?
If she obtained a culinary degree, she should be able to get employment in a nicer restaurant than flipping burgers... Nicer restaurants also have more stable clientele so hours should be stable. Has she shown that she wants to aspire to something more than flipping burgers? If not, she's old enough to make sure own decisions in life, and you need to cut the strings. She knows you're there to catch her when she falls, so you need to let her know you won't be there unless it's a true emergency like broken bone. She can pay her own rent and/or move to a less expensive place if you're paying it for her.
Location: IN>Germany>ND>OH>TX>CA>Currently NoVa and a Vacation Lake House in PA
3,259 posts, read 4,334,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rtussey411
When does this end? What do I do?
This ends when you stop enabling it as so many parents of our generation do. You stop treating her like a dependant and expect her to handle her "emergencies" (aka poor planning) like any other adult does, on her own.
I worked for a company that did office building cafeteria service as a prep cook and they offered insurance/401k and set hours during the week. Vacation time too. I would urge her towards something like that. All of our workers save myself and the dishwasher had been to culinary school. Hospital cafeterias, hotels, large chains, retirement homes, etc. might be similar. Although obviously the felony will be prohibitive.
College dining halls and country clubs are additional options that offer benefits and stable hours. But if she has a culinary degree, she is probably aware of the various directions she can go with her career. And of the limitations she has with her record. You might need to take a step back and start treating her problems as her problems for her to solve. She's 36, and you won't be around forever to bail her out. And good for her for staying clean! It's hard to turn one's life around like that.
Have you sat your daughter down and said to her what you just wrote to a bunch of strangers in a forum? If not, perhaps it is a conversation you need to have. At 36, your daughter can make her own choices for her and her child and it doesn't really matter whether you like them or not. But at the same time, you do not have to provide for her in ways that you no longer want to or are no longer able to.
I must begin by saying I am so thankful my daughter has been healthy and clean now for seven years after many years of drug addiction. And yes, I'm sure she's clean. She has a felony rom her drug days which caused her to take up working as a cook to gain employment. She obtained a culinary degree. These employers are not that picky, but now, as my granddaughter approaches her teen years and my daughter approaches 36, I am concerned that it's time to move on to a more stable job. The cooking thing was OK at first but It's time to gain employment that might give them security, sick leave, vacation time, etc. I can't afford to keep paying for emergencies (rent, phone, etc) when her hours get cut, she is sick for more then a day or her car breaks down, while she flips burgers. I need her to grow up! I don't want her to end up getting evicted but I'm 6 years away from retirement. When does this end? What do I do?
Thanks in advance!
She has a job. I'd be happy she has a job!
When does this end? When you stop giving her money and bailing her out.
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