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I disagree. Talking back is showing disrespect. Period.
And if they are led to believe it's okay to disrespect their own parents then they will carry that with everybody they encounter. The problem is the disrespectful child turned adult won't be fired by their parents but will be fired by their boss.
Yep, could not agree more. I have heard kids disrespect their parents by talking back, and mine would have gotten away with that for about 1/2 second. Nobody likes a mouthy, bratty kid.
I disagree. Talking back is showing disrespect. Period.
And if they are led to believe it's okay to disrespect their own parents then they will carry that with everybody they encounter. The problem is the disrespectful child turned adult won't be fired by their parents but will be fired by their boss.
Exactly!! I would never allow my children to disrespect ANY adult, especially me. My son said "shut up" to me once, and well. . . . let's just say he never said it again after that.
Exactly!! I would never allow my children to disrespect ANY adult, especially me. My son said "shut up" to me once, and well. . . . let's just say he never said it again after that.
Exactly!! I would never allow my children to disrespect ANY adult, especially me. My son said "shut up" to me once, and well. . . . let's just say he never said it again after that.
That's being disrespectful. However, not all instances of "talking back" are disrespectful. For instance, my son asked me if he could go somewhere with a bunch of kids and I said no. Later that night he asked me why he couldn't go and I told him that I didn't want him driving with that many kids the car. He then asked if he could go if it was just 3 of them. I allowed him to go.
I don't consider the mere fact that he questioned why he couldn't go somewhere to be disrespectful although I know many on this board would say "I said no and that's that." and then freak out if their child offered an alternative. He went. They took two cars. I was happy. He was happy.
This is such a fine line and a difficult one to walk. Child negotiators can be exasperating. If you've heard and discussed the child's opinions and were not convinced that his suggestions were in the family's best interests (decisions need to take into account everyone involved not just the child...part of the learning process) I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "We've had the discussion, I've heard your concerns and appreciate your perspective however, that's not something we can do right now." Or even a quicker "The discussion is over." assuming your child knows the drill. At some point, children will here it often enough that they understand that decisions are made for the benefit of the group and we all make sacrifices for one another. Sometimes it works out to their satisfaction, other times, not so much. And that's okay.
This is all true. And I think it's important for children to understand that, at the end of the day, fair or not, parents know best and have the last word.
One of the problems we as parents encounter is that our reasoning is sometimes based on factors beyond our child's understanding or maturity level. "No, you can't play at Billy's house because his mother is irresponsible/alcoholic/a thief/a lowlife/whatever". "No, you can't build a clubhouse because it looks trashy/affects our property value, etc.". Both hard to explain to a persistent 8-year old. So we search for other explanations(often on the spot), all of which sound unreasonable, even to an 8-year old. That's where I find myself losing patience and resort to the "end of discussion" line.
I totally see this as an appropriate way for kids to learn how to negotiate. If they're going to talk back anyways this might as well be an opportunity to learn how to "talk back respectfully".
I thought this was a great article about parental authority. People often think it is their responsibility to put their kids in their "place." If you do that when they're young, you'll have trouble on your hands when they are teens.
"At its core, when kids push back at your authority, they’re trying to exert some sense of control over their own lives. They’re practicing that skill — flexing that muscle, if you will — with you.
Wouldn’t you rather your child learn to negotiate with you, first, than feel obliged to follow some other kid’s directions the first time a pushy peer says, “Come on, everyone’s doing it?” Or blindly follow the directions of an adult acting inappropriately toward your child?"
I read the article and thought it was utter nonsense.
In the first place the author never made the case stated in the headline. And even if he had made the case that "uppity kids" make successful adults, we would have to decide exactly who gets to define success. I'm 70 and I have seen that just because you have risen in the work-world does not mean you are all that sane.
I do like well balanced reasonable people who are able to speak their mind without losing their cool, but I can't see that the little girl in the picture is destined to become one of those people. I would tell her to get down off the chair and speak to me - her father - in a respectful manner; then we can proceed.
I totally see this as an appropriate way for kids to learn how to negotiate. If they're going to talk back anyways this might as well be an opportunity to learn how to "talk back respectfully".
The terms "aruguing" and "talking back" have a negative connotation associated with them. Kids negotiating with their parents, that's a different story. For example, if they say, "can I go to the movies if I do a certain chore," and you allow it, that's actually rewarding them for good behavior.
My son can always voice his opinion and I will usually go along with it 90% of the time. But, he can not talk back when I am disciplining him in a rude way. Or embarrass us in public.
If he doesn't like the way I did something he will usually come to me afterward or complain to his father. I want him to know his opinion counts.
I thought this was a great article about parental authority. People often think it is their responsibility to put their kids in their "place." If you do that when they're young, you'll have trouble on your hands when they are teens.
Indeed its the WORST THING YOU CAN DO!!
They will start to rebel and do things behind your back,etc.......... NOT GOOD @ ALL!!
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