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currently my 18mo is daycare 2 days a week and my 3mo old will begin 2 days a week in January. for less then the cost of both of them in daycare 2 days a week we can afford an week au pair giving us 5 days of care and the potential for my wife to add a few more days back to her work schedule as a pharmacist. she worked fulltime up until just a few months before our 2nd was born. working 2 days a week she will basically be working to pay for day care.
i like the idea of an au pair but what kind of drawbacks have anyone with experience had? privacy issues after her "shift" is over, do you take them everywhere with you (weekends, holidays, trip to the mall etc), what about attachment from kids to the nanny? do the parents lose some control? what about when the au pair leaves? do the kids become devastated, assuming they love their nanny?
we could continue with the 2 day a week daycare and like that for the socialization aspects, getting some germs, etc or my wife could quit working entirely and stay home, but having an au pair puts our earning potential up significantly again.
so advice in general and experience good and bad with live ins/au pairs?
I have had several friends with au pairs. Out of the dozens they had only one was a bad experience. They treated the au pair like family and it created a lot more flexibility.
The biggest downside is the au pair can only stay with you for a year, sometimes two (not sure the parameters around this) and then you have to find a new one. Find a reliable agency and interview, skype and get to know the person before you start.
If you have a room that is a bit seperate from the rest of the house, it works best. Several friends have done this but when the work day is over, the au pair kind of disappears - not because the family doesn't want to be around her but it's understood that she wants her time and the family needs family time. I think au pairs from other countries can work out great - kids get that experience, maybe some language skills.
I have a friend who has used several au pairs, and for the most part his experiences have been favorable. He says that it's very important that the parents and the au pair "click" (this was the main problem with the one au pair that didn't work out), because in many ways the au pair serves as almost a "co-parent." She is considered to be a part of the family, so yes she would join the family on vacations, etc. The boundary between employee and family member also needs to be respected. When the au pair's work day is done, it's done; she is not expected to be on-call 24/7, nor is she expected to be chained to the family's side at all times.
I also have a friend from Germany who served as an au pair to two separate American families. She loved her experiences here, so much so that she gave serious thought to moving here permanently. (I actually thought about hiring her as an au pair for my own kids, but my wife and I ultimately decided to keep the kids in their day care and not use an au pair.) Her families loved her right back, and I believe they keep in contact with her to this day.
thanks for the replies so far... what about driving, i dont know how much the agency pays them but in my opinion the weekly stipend the family is responsible for is barley livable, maybe i'm jaded being from NJ where everything is costly. do i have to drive them around if they have no license, i understand if they do get a license and i require them to drive i would insure them but i likely wouldn't as i'm vary wary of anyone driving my kids around, but i imagine the au pair would like to get out once and a while right?
as for rooming, i have a private room on the first floor, a bonus room i guess that is at the far end of the house with no reason for us to go near except to do laundry. there is tv hookups, a window and storage. bath would be the kids bath which is unused at the moment, they shower in our bathroom.
my wife is chinese (born here) and im a typical white dude, we both want our kids to learn mandarin so having a chinese au pair might help since my wifes chinese sucks and is 90% based in Cantonese too.
Then maybe an au pair is not right for you. Au pairs are expected to drive the kids to appointments, play dates, errands, etc. while the father and mother are at work. The host family is expected to provide a car (either one of their own or an extra one that they buy/lease for the au pair's use) but is not expected to procure a license for her. (Note, this is the case in suburban areas where public transportation is limited or non-existent. I don't know about au pairs in the city, but I assume it would be different.)
thanks for the replies so far... what about driving, i dont know how much the agency pays them but in my opinion the weekly stipend the family is responsible for is barley livable, maybe i'm jaded being from NJ where everything is costly. do i have to drive them around if they have no license, i understand if they do get a license and i require them to drive i would insure them but i likely wouldn't as i'm vary wary of anyone driving my kids around, but i imagine the au pair would like to get out once and a while right?
as for rooming, i have a private room on the first floor, a bonus room i guess that is at the far end of the house with no reason for us to go near except to do laundry. there is tv hookups, a window and storage. bath would be the kids bath which is unused at the moment, they shower in our bathroom.
my wife is chinese (born here) and im a typical white dude, we both want our kids to learn mandarin so having a chinese au pair might help since my wifes chinese sucks and is 90% based in Cantonese too.
Most au pairs want a car to drive, and typically the family provides it. If you don't have a car, the better au pairs will not want to take the job, or if they do and they don't realize what living in America without a car is like, they are likely to end up unhappy when they realize they are stuck in the burbs most of the time. You really do not want your au pair to be unhappy.
I don't blame you for not wanting the au pair to drive your kids, but I guess the question is, do you have enough stuff to do within walking distance that your kids won't be stuck in the house all the time without a car that the au pair can drive? If not, this might not be the best choice for you.
Also, most au pairs are required to take an English course while they are in the country (as part of their visa regulations), and they will need transportation a few times a week to get to school.
The money they are paid is very little, but most don't come for the money. They just want to experience living in another country and want to improve their English.
i have no issue with them driving my car, or another car if i need to lease one, i would have to access their abilities as related to my kids. i have a college about 2 miles from my home she can take english at. i want the au pair to be happy obviously and independent when they want to be.
i have no issue with them driving my car, or another car if i need to lease one, i would have to access their abilities as related to my kids. i have a college about 2 miles from my home she can take english at. i want the au pair to be happy obviously and independent when they want to be.
I understand your reluctance to have someone else driving your kids. But it's pretty much a requirement (certainly de facto, and maybe even de jure, I don't know) for having an au pair in a suburban environment. Only you can decide if you're willing to take that leap or not.
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