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I was kind of a bully. More of a smart ass, class clown that hated authority. I can safely say I grew up and stick up for people now so I don't really feel bad about it. It was a long long time ago.
Bullied occasionally. Mostly in elementary school up to about 9th grade since I was always the skinny kid whom anyone could push around due to having slow physical maturation rate. Generally I hung around a group of friends, a la, Stephen King's misfits in It (the fat kid , the short kid, the one Asian kid, the new kid who just moved to town etc..). As a working middle class suburb public school in the 70s early 80s the few bullies were ID'd early and most everyone avoided them and their few sycophant friends.
Only time bullying was unbearable was for about half year in junior high (8th grade) when a "jock", a grade older (4 inches taller and about twice my weight) had - as part of a result from fighting - his locker moved to be next to mine. For the remainder of that year it was mostly a game of avoidance as much as possible. He was a constant source of irritation (noogies, inexplicable punches, calling me made up name, attempting to stuff me in my locker) but I never went to teachers about it.
For most being bullied, I would encourage to simply focus on what you can do to improve yourself (physically / emotionally) find a group you can hang out with and grow up. Some people never do. I surmise (at least back then) the delinquent types generally 'removed' themselves based on the level of their behavior and were either moved to 'special' schools or began their juvenile criminal status. By late High School, most of those types were weeded out (at least from my experience).
As for myself 'bullying' I would say no. There was the usual juvenile 'ribbing', giving someone a hard time via repartee, but never anything malicious or intentionally hurtful. By senior year of high school people of all the different cliques (beats/jocks) talked / treated me civilly.
I recall a bully in high school who yelled "hey LIPS" and again louder, "HEY LIPS" across the classroom to a girl who was different looking because she had extremely large lips. I just sat there in silence feeling badly for the girl.
I WISH TO THIS DAY, I would have told that bully to SHUT HER TRAP. Keeping silent kept me out of it, but that girl with the larger lips would have SO appreciated someone to stick up for her.
Now, with littles of my own, I'm trying to determine the best way to deal with bullies when it happens.
Growing up, I was on both sides. Sometimes I was the bully and other times I was on the receiving end but since I was in the 'in' crowd, played football and baseball, was relatively popular (not bragging, it is what it is), the bullying I received was more like ribbing and it was never more than someone maybe a little bigger and stronger having some fun.
There was one time though that I backed down from a fight and my reaction to that situation still bothers me 25 years later.
The term used was "scapegoated" or "picked on" back in the 1960's. And yes it happened to me.
I was bullied by one bigger boy. But my mom was very smart. She told him: "Joey, someone has been picking on my son. Could you kind of watch out for him and take care of him? And let me know if anyone bullies him."
I wasn't bullied or anything. I had no problem interfering and stopping a bully from attacking another student with sarcasm. I never interfered once a fight started, but I could settle one down before it started. (Males or females)
I was always smaller than anyone else, but confidant and people didn't mess with me. I'm not sure why the male bullies listened to me, as I was a 105 pound female. I was friends with everybody, though I wasn't "popular". I don't know why it worked.
I did have a boy at school spread some lies about me, but when another student told me I just rolled my eyes and made fun of that boy. Then most kids figured he was lying or whatever. Maybe because I didn't let it bother me and I didn't overreact helped me. I'm sure a few kids believed him, but who cares.
I was bullied until 10th grade. In 9th grade I started lifting weights. The bullying became much less frequent when they were no longer sure they would win the fight. Bullies don't like uncertainty. While I didn't get ripped until college, I did stand up to a few bullies and it usually went well. I was just strong enough to have a chance in the fight and I was willing to risk losing badly.
The biggest bully I stood up to was a POS that had been in juvy. The overgrown boy had been locked up for armed vehicular assault (he was the passenger in a car, hanging out the window, hitting people with a baseball bat). He was picking on my girlfriend's (now wife's) sister. I met him off school grounds and told him if he picked on her again I was going to go all out attacking him. He might win the fight or he might lose the fight, but either way he would be off parole and back in lock up for several more years. He avoided her after that. It didn't matter if he was strong enough to kick my ass, his PO (parole officer) would have solved it. Who would believe him if he said he was defending himself?
Now, with littles of my own, I'm trying to determine the best way to deal with bullies when it happens.
Depends on the environment. If it's a bad school with the high possibility of weapons I'd say keep your head down, head the other way, get school security involved when necessary.
But if you're just talking arguments and the occasional fist fight I'd look into self defense classes.
Sort of a double-edged sword though. You stand up for yourself, but then once people see you can actually handle yourself in a fight you start getting challenged to fight aside from the bullying.
An alternative is to have them join the football team. One of the smallest dudes in our school did and even though he never played his work ethic on the field insured nobody messed with him without having to go through the linebackers first.
Personally I had a few. One I got around by teaching his best friend some martial arts holds and that got the guy on my side. So the bully had all the fun taken out of it when even his friend would tell him to take it easy.
Another was a guy who was actually a friend from my younger days. Bossy type and when I stood up to him it backfired and dogged me through the rest of school. Nothing ever started there, I think in part, because we were in the same martial arts class and he saw that I basically one of the best. Which for my sake is probably a good thing because he was 6'8", ripped, and actually taking classes to become an even better bully.
However, that guy was also friends with this homophobic (closeted gay guy at the time) who'd verbally bully me. That'll mess someone up far more than any fight. But if I was to do anything about it I'd have to go through the big guy, another guy who was a friend in elementary school (and basically neutral) and that guy. Never did work out a way to deal with that one. Verbally standing up for myself didn't work. And it didn't help that both of them were on the basketball team with me as well.
Basically my parents were like do what you have to do, but accept the consequences.
If were talking about daughters here I'm not sure. Maybe safety in numbers?
Last edited by Port Pitt Ash; 09-09-2015 at 08:49 AM..
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