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She's Asian mix, and most people here are at least tinted, and she had mentioned when she was much younger she was not comfortable around too many Caucasians.
She must have gotten over it, given that the student body of the school she chose to attend is 43.4% white and only 3.7% Asian. (And only 2.3% "tinted," i.e. 2 or more races.)
Honestly, it will probably be harder on you than her. She'll be so busy and making new friends that she won't have much time to think about what she's missing. She knows she's starting over. If she hasn't figured that out yet, then there's nothing anyone can do or say until she realizes that.
We had that problem with one of our daughters. Came running home after the first semester: Too much boyfriend(s) trouble. So the second semester she did her courses online from home, testing locally and was jobbing on the side. Then she was so over being in Hawaii and went back to the college. Realizing that most of her non-college former class mates admire her for being able to go to college and not having to flip burgers for a living. Seems to work out fine now.
So no sweat, take a deep breath and support her from afar. She'll be fine.
Arizona is quite diverse and just under 50% of the population that identifies itself as not Caucasian and probably a fair number of the Caucasian's in Arizona are tinted too....
Sounds like the culture shock will be good for her. She can think of the 8000 students on campus as her small town.
Yeah but that was when she 8 and one of her first trips out of state!
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Just get a checking account at the same bank as the parents and they can transfer funds online in seconds too. Pre-paid cards are good for 12 year olds, but get a real checking account (with a debit card) for the college student. If she needs cash she can take the cash back option at just about any store these days or most colleges let you cash a check up to a certain dollar amount as well. She will likely need some actual checks now too--probably not many but our college kids have needed a few, and they need some for direct deposit for summer jobs.
I laughed out loud at your first line.
My daughter's University required students to have a checking account with a debit card to use at the school book store and other campus stores. So she opened the account at a major bank with branches on campus and all over that town.
However, the only branches in my town were extremely inconvenient for us and my daughter knew that. So we never received any "Mom, you have to deposit $200 immediately or my checks will bounce" or "I need $50 to go out tonight" calls. She knew that she needed to plan ahead and budget her money. If an expense was coming up that she needed extra money for we would need to know long enough in advance that we could mail her a check or if it was a true emergency we could get to that bank in a few days after work or on Saturday. It ended up that we only needed to drive to the bank once every few months or even less.
IMHO, sometimes, the convenience of being able to immediately transfer funds online could be an encouragement for too many "emergencies".
My daughter's University required students to have a checking account with a debit card to use at the school book store and other campus stores. So she opened the account at a major bank with branches on campus and all over that town.
However, the only branches in my town were extremely inconvenient for us and my daughter knew that. So we never received any "Mom, you have to deposit $200 immediately or my checks will bounce" or "I need $50 to go out tonight" calls. She knew that she needed to plan ahead and budget her money. If an expense was coming up that she needed extra money for we would need to know long enough in advance that we could mail her a check or if it was a true emergency we could get to that bank in a few days after work or on Saturday. It ended up that we only needed to drive to the bank once every few months or even less.
IMHO, sometimes, the convenience of being able to immediately transfer funds online could be an encouragement for too many "emergencies".
True---I was just responding to what that poster said about needing immediate funds though. We've never had to transfer funds "immediately" either. Our kids have had checking accounts since they were 13 though so it's nothing new to them either and between all of our children, we've had one overdraft in 8+ years and that was a bank error which they corrected.
Also, being able to make mobile deposits and direct deposits, they don't need to have a local bank if that makes things harder. Major banks now also allow you to transfer funds online to other banks that accept those transfers. I've never needed to do that so I'm not sure how it works. You can also set up Paypal accounts if you needed. Banking is so much easier these days then when I was in college!!
Our daughter leaves for college this August to University of the Grand Canyon. She comes from a small community on small island and has only traveled to the mainland for vacations. Here she was a soccer god (dess), great grades, student council, speaker at graduation, homecoming queen, prom queen and lord knows what else. Small school where her class was like 75 grads.
I'm really concerned about this big fish in a small pond going to a big pond where she will be a little fish.
Does anyone have any advice? We will visit as much as possible. Personally I never went to college so I'm not sure what could pop up that would bother her the most.
Mikala45, I understand the myriad of emotions that you are experiencing right now. It's overwhelming and it is difficult to explain to people who have not experienced this.
My second child will be leaving for college in the Fall. She sounds quite a bit like your daughter. High achiever, popular, cheerleader, senior class secretary, student council, year book staff etc.
You have so much to be proud of and thankful for!
I can imagine that it must be even more difficult for you because she is going to college on the continental US. The second part is that you never went away to college, so this is a novel situation for you.
I did not read through all of the posts, but I can tell you what I did that made things easier -
1. Establish a credit card in your name and in hers that can be used for emergencies.
2. Make sure that you know how to contact her at all times. My son attends college in a remote area. Only certain cellular carriers connect us. At first, he had the wrong one.
Make sure that your daughter's cell provider has connections from where she is located to you.
3. Know the name of her RA (residence adviser) and how to contact her at all times. RAs are upper class men who are paid to over see one floor in the dorm. Do not call her constantly, but be aware that she is there to act as a connection between you and your daughter, should an emergency arise.
4. Enjoy this summer shopping for your daughter's dorm room needs. Most colleges post a "to take" list on their web site. Shopping is fun mom-daughter bonding time. You will also feel good knowing that she has all that her college suggests for her first year.
5. Check out what chain restaurants are in the area. Send gift cards for $100 after the first month and a note suggesting that your daughter take a few of her friends to dinner or lunch.
College food can be bad - or just boring. My son appreciated this, and I intend to do the same for my daughter.
6. Know that you did the absolute best thing in letting her go away to a residential college! She will be exposed to a new region of the country, meet friends that she will likely have for life, and experience new things that a commuter student could not dream of.
I really, really must have written my concerns poorly. I'm fine. I'm her stepmom. No empty nest, no sadness.... I mean I'll miss her and stuff.
I'm concerned that it will be too much culture shock and she'll want to quit. That's one of my biggest concerns. Small town, not a lot of travel, raised with a huge family, gone to school with the same small group since she was born. She's Asian mix, and most people here are at least tinted, and she had mentioned when she was much younger she was not comfortable around too many Caucasians. For those not familiar, in Hawaii Caucasians are the minority.
I don't need a hobby or a kleenex.
I'm just concerned with helping her to succeed.
Then give her the opportunity to fail. That's HARD. Really hard. But it's so necessary.
I grew up in a small town in North Georgia and went away to college in Boston. Loved the change of scenery so much that I spent a year living in 3 different countries and later came back to live in Boston after college. Now, I work at my alma mater and have a lot of interaction with parents. Sometimes, I have to duck to not get my head chopped off by helicopter blade.
The students who have the hardest time adjusting often are the students who have overly involved parents. There's nothing wrong with being close to your child despite the distance, but visiting more than three times a year (move in, move out, and parents' weekend) isn't helpful for anyone. Let her hold the reigns on this one.
Chances are, she will have a wonderful time and all of these worries will be put to rest in a few months. Take a deep breath - all of her parents did something right if she's willing to confidently start her adult life so far from home! So often, the parents are much more anxious than their children.
Then give her the opportunity to fail. That's HARD. Really hard. But it's so necessary.
I grew up in a small town in North Georgia and went away to college in Boston. Loved the change of scenery so much that I spent a year living in 3 different countries and later came back to live in Boston after college. Now, I work at my alma mater and have a lot of interaction with parents. Sometimes, I have to duck to not get my head chopped off by helicopter blade.
LOL
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00
The students who have the hardest time adjusting often are the students who have overly involved parents. There's nothing wrong with being close to your child despite the distance, but visiting more than three times a year (move in, move out, and parents' weekend) isn't helpful for anyone. Let her hold the reigns on this one.
IMHO, if your college student does not come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas maybe one other mid-year visit to see them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00
Chances are, she will have a wonderful time and all of these worries will be put to rest in a few months. Take a deep breath - all of her parents did something right if she's willing to confidently start her adult life so far from home! So often, the parents are much more anxious than their children.
It reminds me of how anxious and upset some parents are when their child starts kindergarten. Often the children are adjusting very well but it is the parents that are crying and nearly hysterical.
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So often, the parents are much more anxious than their children.
