Daughter going off to college out of state (parent, son, 12 year old)
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When my middle daughter went to college, it was at Tulane University in New Orleans, about 7 hours from our home in the Atlanta suburbs. 7 hours!! And New Orleans, known throughout the world as a big party town. Before we arrived in New Orleans for orientation, I extracted promises from her that she would stay away from the French Quarter and frequent the safer areas around the college campus. After a couple of days, I kissed her goodbye and left new on her own, while I cried for at least the first 20 miles of the ride back home without her.
When she called the next day, she said there had been some freshman activities on the campus, and then they were bused to a dock where they all boarded a paddle wheel riverboat on the Mississippi. At the end of the ride they disembarked - right into the French Quarter!!!
Well, she survived that night and many others, and had a wonderful time in college, learning to stand on her own 2 feet and become independent. This is an exciting time for your daughter, and she will demonstrate skills and resilience you didn't know she possessed. You should stand back and let her test her wings, knowing that you are always there if she needs you.
We raised our kids to fly ... and then were kinda shocked when they did! 18 years passed by way too quickly for my taste.
If you raised her right (and it sounds like you did a great job) she'll soar ... and then come right back for holidays and to recharge. (And borrow money!)
Leaving them for the first time is one of the hardest things I ever did. I would be lying if I said it was easy. But they were home for breaks before I had time to miss them too much.
I really, really must have written my concerns poorly. I'm fine. I'm her stepmom. No empty nest, no sadness.... I mean I'll miss her and stuff.
I'm concerned that it will be too much culture shock and she'll want to quit. That's one of my biggest concerns. Small town, not a lot of travel, raised with a huge family, gone to school with the same small group since she was born. She's Asian mix, and most people here are at least tinted, and she had mentioned when she was much younger she was not comfortable around too many Caucasians. For those not familiar, in Hawaii Caucasians are the minority.
I don't need a hobby or a kleenex.
I'm just concerned with helping her to succeed.
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I really, really must have written my concerns poorly. I'm fine. I'm her stepmom. No empty nest, no sadness.... I mean I'll miss her and stuff.
I'm concerned that it will be too much culture shock and she'll want to quit. That's one of my biggest concerns. Small town, not a lot of travel, raised with a huge family, gone to school with the same small group since she was born. She's Asian mix, and most people here are at least tinted, and she had mentioned when she was much younger she was not comfortable around too many Caucasians. For those not familiar, in Hawaii Caucasians are the minority.
I don't need a hobby or a kleenex.
I'm just concerned with helping her to succeed.
Did she really say that????
Arizona is quite diverse and just under 50% of the population that identifies itself as not Caucasian and probably a fair number of the Caucasian's in Arizona are tinted too....
Sounds like the culture shock will be good for her. She can think of the 8000 students on campus as her small town.
Culture shock? Probably, but she would have had that almost no matter what college she went to. College students in dorms live a very different lifestyle than most adults.
There is no way to tell exactly how things will pan out, but many reputable colleges have programs in place to help ease the transition from family home life to (mildly supervised) dorm life.
She'll have help besides you. Her RA, friends she makes....and being able to video chat with you guys at home.
My advice: Both of you should get a google wallet account and card. It acts like a refillable pre-paid debit card and will allow you to send her money in *seconds* (she can even use it to make cash withdrawals).... and foot the bill for a nice smartphone which will allow her to keep in contact at will.
Grand Canyon University is....well, a little bit of a strange place. Mormon roots; Federal Investigations; sort of hybrid classroom/on line. Seems a little sketchy, so be careful that your child does not have undue pressure--like trying to collect stipends, if promised, in addition to performing well in her program of study. Perhaps a small, liberal arts school with a better grounding might be easier for your child.
Having said that, do no visit her except maybe once during the first semester. The more you emphasize her "being alone" the more it will become self fulfilling. She'll be fine if you leave her to find her way, and let her know that you are in the background--but not a helicopter parent.
Good luck. You have raised a strong child and she will be just fine.
Has she Facebooked her new roommate or connected in some other way via social media? See if GCU has a similar set up.
My daughter's assigned dorm has a Facebook page, they are chatting like crazy. She found a roommate, a workout buddy, and some others who share the same major. They are discussing the next presidential election. She is already talking about these kids like they are old friends and I should know who they are.
We moved from NY to NC 4 years ago. When she went to HS she didn't know anyone. College is going to be a piece of cake.
I really, really must have written my concerns poorly. I'm fine. I'm her stepmom. No empty nest, no sadness.... I mean I'll miss her and stuff.
I'm concerned that it will be too much culture shock and she'll want to quit. That's one of my biggest concerns. Small town, not a lot of travel, raised with a huge family, gone to school with the same small group since she was born. She's Asian mix, and most people here are at least tinted, and she had mentioned when she was much younger she was not comfortable around too many Caucasians. For those not familiar, in Hawaii Caucasians are the minority.
I don't need a hobby or a kleenex.
I'm just concerned with helping her to succeed.
When my parents dropped my off in New York (doesn't get any bigger than that) for school thy told me I had to give it at least a semester and if I really didn't like it I could go home. I also went to a small school, my high school graduated 100 people and my mom went there any everyone knew everyone. It was also an all white school. Our only asian person was the korean exchange student.
In new york my school had a HUGE asian population. I had actually never been in such a diverse environment. I got to make so many friends from so many places. It was so fun.
Sometimes it's nice to be a little anonymous after having been in the spot light for so many years.
Culture shock? Probably, but she would have had that almost no matter what college she went to. College students in dorms live a very different lifestyle than most adults.
There is no way to tell exactly how things will pan out, but many reputable colleges have programs in place to help ease the transition from family home life to (mildly supervised) dorm life.
She'll have help besides you. Her RA, friends she makes....and being able to video chat with you guys at home.
My advice: Both of you should get a google wallet account and card. It acts like a refillable pre-paid debit card and will allow you to send her money in *seconds* (she can even use it to make cash withdrawals).... and foot the bill for a nice smartphone which will allow her to keep in contact at will.
Just get a checking account at the same bank as the parents and they can transfer funds online in seconds too. Pre-paid cards are good for 12 year olds, but get a real checking account (with a debit card) for the college student. If she needs cash she can take the cash back option at just about any store these days or most colleges let you cash a check up to a certain dollar amount as well. She will likely need some actual checks now too--probably not many but our college kids have needed a few, and they need some for direct deposit for summer jobs.
I think your daughter will find a lot of "tinted" people in Arizona. She will probably enjoy the change of surroundings and culture - sounds like it will be like visiting a foreign country. Hopefully she will learn to like being around a lot of Caucasians too.
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