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Yeah for sure nix the money. Treat her like an adult. She doesn't want advice anyways. She wants someone to talk to. No you can't be totally a buddy, she still needs a mom. But...not the kind she needed when she was 10.
FIRST OF ALL, your daughter is 23, don't tell her to take down Facebook pictures, it's not your place anymore.
Next time she asks for money say No. Do not tell her why. Remember, no is a complete sentence. If she keeps on saying why you can say "because I said so" or "I don't have it."
BTW I doubt she took down her FB, she probably blocked you.
Next time she asks for money say No. Do not tell her why. Remember, no is a complete sentence. If she keeps on saying why you can say "because I said so" or "I don't have it."
BTW I doubt she took down her FB, she probably blocked you.
I suspect you are right about her blocking the OP from seeing her FB page.
The more OP tries to control daughter, the more outrageous things daughter does to prove she won't be controlled by her mother.
Before things get totally out of hand, Mom needs to get a grip. Time to bid this nonsense goodbye and focus on something else. Surely, there are those who would appreciate her caregiving. Perhaps volunteering at a children's shelter, or ????
Daughter may drift away, never to be seen again. Or, after a respite, may find she misses her mother and wishes to maintain some contact. But the ball is in her court now. Anything Mama does now is only going to drive her farther away.
Years ago, a dear friend of mine signed up to mentor through a Big Sister/Big Brother program and ended up mentoring two delightful girls. She poured her mothering into them and they blossomed under her love and attention. Both are in college now and call every Sunday to check in and tell her about their lives.
At 23... I had my own place, a job, and paid my own bills. Talked to my parents about once a month, and I lived about 30 min from them. I didn't resent my mother at that time, though I am an only child and she had a hard time cutting the cord with me, which led to a lot of fights growing up until I left for college.
Being a father myself now, I can empathize with the desire to look out for your daughter and help her in anyway you can... but the fact of the matter is that by supporting your daughter financially with no end in sight as your only way to keep contact, is not a healthy relationship to have with your child.
You need to step back, cut the cord, and let her make contact with you. If you raised your daughter to be a good person, she will come around and will want a relationship with you in some form, once she realizes it's not going to be a financial one.
Sometimes the hardest thing to do with your kids is to do nothing.
What a nightmare!! I think it would be more helpful to give a few more details. Why is she still getting money for the last several years? As an adult, she sounds like she has been completely disrespectful towards you. If it were me, I'd cut off the money and let her know you will be happy to communicate with her when she can be respectful/normal. You must no longer allow yourself to be a doormat, it is probably ruining your life, and is not helping her either.
"If I had all the money my mom gave my older sister who wheedled it out of her every chance she got" I'd be rich. My mom did the same to my sister, the money was always for one thing only, drugs. But my mom kept giving her money, or food or clothes or whatever she asked. My sister was a wild child of the 60s and looking back my mom probably had the same ideas as you do, that if she put a stop to the "help" my sister would fail, be hurt, or somehow come to a tragic end. But in reality, she was ENABLING her habits and she enhanced and increased my sister's problems to the Nth degree. She thought she was helping her weaknesses. My sister finally died a young death at the hands of the hard drugs she became dependent upon. My mom's "help" never did anything except make my sister more dependent upon her.
Your daughter will survive if you stop all assistance to her. Tell her to smarten up, act like an adult and come back when she can be decent to you. Otherwise you are creating a monster. Don't try to facebook her, just go get a hobby and wait for her to someday come to her senses. My sister only called us when things were bad for her and she needed money, she would always call in the middle of the night and she never called when things were good and so I never had a proper sister to sister relationship with her other than the obvious reasons (she being high all the time).
My mother did the same thing for a younger sister. Sister was a mess--drugs, disreputable boyfriends, sporadic jobs... She never had to get her act together because Mama would bail her out from whatever mess she got herself into.
Finally, Dad said enough. She can come live with us if she needs to, but no money, not another dime.
Guess what? Sister figured it out. Found a man to support her. Went to a community college, got a degree, and a decent job.
She is still self-centered and up to the occasional nonsense, but she is doing fine.
Mom and Dad passed away several years ago. Imagine the pickle she'd be in now if she was still depending on them to smooth her troubled waters.
My step brother had just that happen, our parents bailed him out of one mess after another, and then they passed away, he got a little cash from them, went right thru it buying drugs, then his brother helped him out here and there and voila, he finally OD'd on drugs, well, he died of some complication from drugs.....this year. He lasted a couple years after our parents died. A very nice guy but....
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