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Old 08-25-2014, 10:54 PM
 
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Their behavior isn't really a matter of breaking rules but rather one of simple rudeness. Maybe they have been allowed to treat their parents this way and so they do it to you too. And I disagree that it is typical teenage behavior. Many parents tolerate it, but not all. Getting mad and threatening doesn't work, in fact it can reinforce it. But if you just quietly quit doing anything for them, they'll get the message. Just give them a taste of their own medicine instead of trying so hard to please them!

 
Old 08-26-2014, 01:06 AM
 
Location: Kaliforneea
2,518 posts, read 2,073,113 times
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I would make a list of your Top Ten house rules and expectations about their behavior, publish them in advance, and see if they can acquiesce to them.

I think 16-18 yr olds can change a little, but perhaps not a sea change from how they were raised in their parents' style and ethos. But 1 week isn't a long visit.
 
Old 08-26-2014, 02:16 AM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 8,214,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
Oh, for pity's sake!

Spare the pop psychology! These teens are guests in the OP's home, had their way paid from somewhere in the midwest to DC. They could be a little social.

I agree the OP doesn't really need to "entertain" them, though I think he means he and his wife take them to the sights in DC. I agree with Dew that they could take the metro. I have a good friend who lives in the DC area. We often visit them on our vacation. When we were all younger (now they are retired) they'd go to work and we'd take the metro into the city for the day.

The moodiness, now that is teen behavior, and often ignoring it will make it go away.
If I were having visiting teens and turning them loose in the city on their own we would have a very clear discussion first.
 
Old 08-26-2014, 07:34 AM
 
Location: Foot of the Rockies
90,296 posts, read 121,093,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by longnecker View Post
If I were having visiting teens and turning them loose in the city on their own we would have a very clear discussion first.
Some of them are 18, legally adults. What are you going to tell them?
 
Old 08-26-2014, 08:45 AM
 
Location: IL
2,987 posts, read 5,265,455 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now View Post
Yes, I have talked to their parents and they are non committal about what we should do.

What really drives us crazy is the moods many of them are in. One minute they are so talkative and warm and the next minute they are mute and will not answer our questions or respond to our comments. Their sour mood puts us in a bad mood. They are always looking at their SmartPhone and will not speak to us if they have their SmartPhone out.

I would like to have an arrangement. You stay at our house and eat our food, etc. you have to act like an adult and that means if we speak to them, they speak to us. When adult friends from out of town stay with us they know they are in our home and are friendly, polite and communicative.

But maybe that is asking too much with teenage relatives.
Why don't you tell them what you are thinking? Tell them when they don't respond to you, it disappoints you. Also, say something like, I know I am older than you and didn't grow up using a phone all the time, so I actually find it disrespectful when we are talking and the phone is more important than me. Let's try to limit using the phone when we are talking and just pop it out at breaks. maybe that would help. If they know what you are thinking, and like being with you, I bet they will change.
 
Old 08-26-2014, 11:16 AM
 
Location: UpstateNY
8,612 posts, read 10,803,563 times
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My house, my money spent, my rules. Period.

When my niece acts like an ass I leave. And she's only ten.

Her grandparents eon't sit for her anymore because of her moodiness. When her mother told her why she can't go to gramm's after school her response was, 'But I was llitller then.' It was less than a year ago, and they tried to engage her anyway possible. The mall, skate, anything. She just wanted to mope and be on her ipod. They had enough.

The lightbulb finally went off in my niece's head. She's learning that being a surly grouch doesn't go far.
 
Old 08-26-2014, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
18,761 posts, read 11,845,239 times
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Teenagers are alien secretive beings. Expecting them to behave like adults is like asking adults to behave like teenagers. Oil and water just doesn't mix. Communicating with two different mind sets can be difficult but respect is the key. As adults we need to respect the age appropriate changes teenagers go through and teenagers need to respect authority. Teaching them that concept needs some creative thinking. The girls that spend the night with us are all teenagers now, but they have been with me since one was eight and her sister was ten. They challenge my authority from time to time, especially the young one. She's extremely selfish. She has also missed a couple of sleep overs because of it. At the time it was devastating and a hard life lesson for her. Thus she learned the concept of consequences for defying my authority. Whenever they act up now I just suggest that they can keep doing what they're doing and stay home alone while the rest of us have a fun adventure without the offender next time. It changes their mind set every time. I admit I spoil the crap out of them but there is also a lot of love. Once the report is established the "discipline" falls into place. It grows out of mutual love and respect. I banned cell phones early on in the sleep overs mostly because I didn't want to spend time looking for the misplaced ones. The older one is more responsible and as a teenager she needs to disconnect from the adult world and be a teenager in her own world sometimes. I try to visit the teenage world by listening to their music and dancing with them which garners lots of laughs. I also play laser tag with them, go sledding, and participate in other "young" activities. The shorties gave us roller skating and now John and I skate most Friday mornings. They can be a challenge and a great joy, but don't expect teenagers to act like adults. They just aren't in that stage of life. It's nice that the kids want to be with you I'm retired, but expect them to be moody, mean, and sometimes disrespectful. Try to guide them with love first and words second.
 
Old 08-26-2014, 12:58 PM
 
10,113 posts, read 10,998,427 times
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Our 16 year old grandson will visit us with his Smart Phone, iPad and MP player. Long ago when he started spending time here I showed him, this is the laundry basket dirty clothes go in here not your bedroom floor. This is your bed, this is how to make up your bed. This is my kitchen, this is the trash can, this is a dish cloth, this is paper towels. You are welcome to eat anything you want but don't leave a mess in my kitchen. This info was not given in a demanding or mean way, just stating the facts and telling him his mother, aunt and uncle when they lived here followed the same routine as teens.

To this day he will still ask before eating anything and will pop whatever he wants in the microwave or toaster oven. Then he cleans up his mess. He cuts our grass, we watch movies together, I will even sit through an Adam Sandler movie with him (torture for me.) I laid out all the house rules long ago.

His mom and dad do not receive the same treatment, dirty clothes crammed under his bed, food in his bedroom. Daughter always wants to know how do you do this. I have never had to tell him again he just does it. Yes, he gets to texting on his phone and completely zones out with that phone or he has his ears plugged up listening to music on his MP player and he is in another world. But that is his world.

Right now we are going through wanting to drive. He got his permit and I let him drive me to the grocery store or the mall as I hang on to my car door. He finally understands why you can't turn left on a red light when it's ok to turn right on red if no traffic is coming.

He is a tee-total typical teenager, moody, sometimes total silence, does wheelies on his dirt bike when he thinks no adult is watching. But he knows the rules of our home and when he leaves to go home his bedroom is clean, no crumbs all over my kitchen counters, no soft drink cans sitting around.
 
Old 08-26-2014, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Long Neck,De
4,792 posts, read 8,214,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiana View Post
Some of them are 18, legally adults. What are you going to tell them?
Stay sober,stay safe,use your head. I will not bail you out.
 
Old 08-27-2014, 12:43 AM
 
Location: In my skin
9,229 posts, read 16,585,184 times
Reputation: 9175
Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm Retired Now View Post
My wife and I are in our early 60s and have nieces and nephews between 16-18 years old stay with us on occasion. They travel from the Midwest and enjoy a change of scenery by living with us for a week in the Washington DC area. We put them up in our home, pay for their airline ticket, pay for food and drink and entertain them. They want to come out and stay with us.

On occasion they act like spoiled teenagers and can be moody, uncommunicative, bossy and just plain difficult. Is it our role to attempt to straighten them out and tell them to clean up their act? Or should we just tolerate somewhat typical teenage behavior as long as they are not breaking any laws?

Put yourself in our shoes, what would you do?
Your home, your rules. But it is OK to advise them regardless.
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