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Since three baby birds have left the nest I found I have a really funny reaction. Right after they leave I clean their room manic like for 24 hours. I don't toss their stuff, but I clean and organize. I think its to feel a little control and mourn in a way.
But the op's children were taken from her. I'm imagining there is a lot more to mourn then the kids growing up. All the feelings of loss and all the hopes of getting them back some day must be showing up strongly.
Op, have you worked through the grief of losing them in the first place with a therapist? That just way too much to hold in on your own.
Since three baby birds have left the nest I found I have a really funny reaction. Right after they leave I clean their room manic like for 24 hours. I don't toss their stuff, but I clean and organize. I think its to feel a little control and mourn in a way.
But the op's children were taken from her. I'm imagining there is a lot more to mourn then the kids growing up. All the feelings of loss and all the hopes of getting them back some day must be showing up strongly.
Op, have you worked through the grief of losing them in the first place with a therapist? That just way too much to hold in on your own.
Sending you lots of positive vibes or prayers.
You know, it took me a couple of years, I guess. My ex husband actually wouldn't let me see my daughter for 2 years during that time, which was awful and exactly the time she really needed her mother.
I do have a social life and I am in a wonderful relationship.
I am very proud of my son for going to college, and now my daughter as well. Their father does not believe in furthering your education.
I am more than happy that my son is breaking free from his fathers grasp. I know it is going to take him a while to truly understand that the lifestyle he lived with his father is not normal and really flat out wrong.
When I left him it actually took me a few years to do that. I do not think my daughter will be able to break free.
I will be fine. It's just tough to see them growing up.
When my mum was preparing for an empty nest (I don't think my dad was so bothered by it) she started a new hobby that took up a lot of her time (running), she also increased her social life (joining running clubs etc.) and, after a few years, she went back to working full time (she had worked part time the whole time we were home). She didn't end up getting an empty nest as my brother moved back in but even if he hadn't I think she would cope fine as she has so much more going on in her life now.
Aw come on... you have the give the dad some credit surely.
There are always three sides to the story.
I don't think so. He was abusive to all of us and that is why I left him. He paid child support when he thought I deserved it. He did not let me take the kids beds with me. He always tried to take the kids while drunk..in a vehicle.
The kids ended up with him because he could afford a lawyer and I could not. These days he tries to kick the kids out and his gf tells the kids its her house and they can stay as long as they want. Of course they can come here.
He is against college, so my kids going to college has nothing to do with him.
My kids are afraid of him. It took me 2 years, maybe more, of being away from him to stop fearing him.
What's done is done. The hardest part is letting go of the hate and pain, the empty nest might signal to you that it's time to stop the fight and let it go.
Apply your feelings to replenishing a relationship with your kids as adults. You'll be the go to grandma, and a good ear when things go wrong.
If possible, refrain from bringing up the dad again. What's done is done, and your kids will appreciate you just being around to talk about everything else. I'm sure you both already know what you didn't like about their dad. No need to beat a dead horse.
Empty nesting gives everyone pause, but a new day awaits. You will have more moments to share the good things now that they are growing up and can decide things on their own. It should get much better.
Give yourself a morning period, and then move above it. New pastures.
What's done is done. The hardest part is letting go of the hate and pain, the empty nest might signal to you that it's time to stop the fight and let it go.
Apply your feelings to replenishing a relationship with your kids as adults. You'll be the go to grandma, and a good ear when things go wrong.
If possible, refrain from bringing up the dad again. What's done is done, and your kids will appreciate you just being around to talk about everything else. I'm sure you both already know what you didn't like about their dad. No need to beat a dead horse.
Empty nesting gives everyone pause, but a new day awaits. You will have more moments to share the good things now that they are growing up and can decide things on their own. It should get much better.
Give yourself a morning period, and then move above it. New pastures.
I have a fine relationship with my children. I do not have to replenish our relationship. I have not ever spoken ill of their father in front of them.
I have had a mourning period, I was just responding to the father getting credit, he really does not deserve it for all that he has done.
Their dad and I have gotten along for the last few years up until my daughter turned 18 in February. He told us all that he was done and since then he does not meet me halfway with the kids and he does not speak to me. He is done.
I usually just talk to his gf whenever I need to know something or let them know something and I actually like it much better since that change was made.
These days he tries to kick the kids out and his gf tells the kids its her house and they can stay as long as they want.
At least his girlfriend has a head on her shoulders and treats them right. It's good to know if they are stuck there, they do have someone saying positive things to them an it's not only his negativity they hear everyday.
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