"A letter to my teenage son about drinking" (teens, parents)
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My 12 year old daughters read this out loud today. I will hold it for them to add to their growing references about teenage behavior. I believe in early education about all the things which might make them stumble along the way to maturity.
My 12 year old daughters read this out loud today. I will hold it for them to add to their growing references about teenage behavior. I believe in early education about all the things which might make them stumble along the way to maturity.
For the record, for parents of teens and preteens, I think this is a great way to start a discussion if you know you need to have that discussion but are unsure of how to begin.
I appreciate NoK's posting and the link it provided. My youngest child just turned 14 yesterday, with 3 other teens ahead of her. Any words of wisdom to help parents guide their kids through the minefields of jr. high and high school are worth repeating.
Oh, woopie muckin' dooooo.... That "Letter to her son" was the same watered-down nothing that parents have ALWAYS told their kids. It might as well be from a 1957 issue of Coronet Magazine - or a 1922 issue of some other magazine.
What works is to start with a 'Loser Example', and work backward. It's not "NICE" to do this. And maybe it doesn't work with kids who aren't bright.
We couldn't afford to be "nice" when our kids were young. And what did we know from "nice", anyway? We'd both grown up in dire circumstances, and were clawing our way up from the gutter, when they were little. And my own family are truly horrible people. So, I really didn't know to reduce all 'content' to meaningless drivel, when talking to children.
So, when they'd see someone disheveled digging through the dumpster at one of our apartment buildings (at that point, we'd live in one unit, while 'gentrifying' the place), we'd tell the kids a 'life trajectory story', starring that poor person. The person, in our stories, would always end up in desperate circumstances because he/she had allowed his/her peer group to get them to try cigarettes and booze/drugs.
When they were old enough, I'd tell them about the girls in my 'community', who'd let the football stars and cheerleaders take them out into the woods, (these girls so grateful to get attention from the "in group") give them beer and/or some "tokes" of "weed", and then ritualistically gang-rape them (the cheerleaders holding things over their mouths, to muffle their screams, while the 'deflowering' was going on.). "And the only thing that saved ME from being tricked into being raped was the fact that I was so ugly and smelly and poor. But you guys will be beautiful and rich, and lots of worthless scum that never should have been born will be out to mess you up.So just be aware that 'going along with the crowd' can ruin your life."
And I'd tell them about the pretty girls from my old 'community' who'd been knocked-up during those ritual rapes by the football heroes, and how that had ruined their lives. My husband would tell about what he'd seen at the hunting camp where he'd grown up (booze, cigs, drugs) and tell about what broke losers those teen boys had turned out to be. "He had a wreck, driving drunk, and his head went through the windshield. Now, he's 300 pounds - not even thirty years old - and no woman wants him. He can't work because of the brain damage. He just rides his three-wheel bicycle around town, and lives in a room off his grandmother's garage. And he used to be a big, handsome baseball star in high school, and a star student, too. But he started smoking and "experimenting" with drugs in seventh grade."
And our Ad Man would explain the psychology behind the deliberate alienation, by various entities, of young people from their families. "The football team wants to be more important than your family. The military wants to be more important than your family. Drug dealers want to be more important than your family. Big Religion wants to be more important than your family. They've been waging psychological war for millennia. And all of them want your peer group to be more important than your family. And they all want to be more important to you than your own well-being is important to you."
And I think it's equally important to keep repeating that plenty of young people steer clear of the unhealthy groupthink of "everybody". We explained that only a tiny minority of people end up doing well in life and amassing serious net worth. And most of those were the ones who managed to steer clear of the idiocy prevailing as the "norm". We loved to use the example of Benoit Mandelbrot, who discovered Fractals. Mandelbrot survived the Holocaust as a kid, because he didn't go along with what "everybody else" was doing. "Everybody else" ended up gassed at Auschwitz, because they "did what they were supposed to do". So, just because someone is telling you that you're "supposed to" "experiment" when you're young, and "supposed to" play football, or "supposed to" put money into mutual funds, or "supposed to" sell short because everybody else is in a panic, that doesn't mean it's smart to do so.
Last edited by GrandviewGloria; 07-23-2014 at 01:47 PM..
So, when they'd see someone disheveled digging through the dumpster at one of our apartment buildings (at that point, we'd live in one unit, while 'gentrifying' the place), we'd tell the kids a 'life trajectory story', starring that poor person. The person, in our stories, would always end up in desperate circumstances because he/she had allowed his/her peer group to get them to try cigarettes and booze/drugs.
And they'll hear 100x as many stories of "I did it and I turned out OK" so what do you think will actually sink in?
A fairly tale about a dumpster bum being that way because of per pressure to smoke ciggies and have a beer? That tale is just too simplistic to have any effect.
Gotta get a better writer to compete with the "I did it and I turned out OK" crowd.
Teenagers aren't mature enough to know what "I did it and I turned out OK" may or may not really mean, or what someone who didn't turn out OK really looks like. Here's a hint: neither group necessarily looks like what one might think they look like.
Oh, woopie muckin' dooooo.... That "Letter to her son" was the same watered-down nothing that parents have ALWAYS told their kids.
What works is to start with a 'Loser Example', and work backward. It's not "NICE" to do this. And maybe it doesn't work with kids who aren't bright.
We couldn't afford to be "nice" when our kids were young. And what did we know from "nice", anyway? We'd both grown up in dire circumstances, and were clawing our way up from the gutter, when they were little. And my own family are truly horrible people. So, I really didn't know to reduce all 'content' to meaningless drivel, when talking to children.
So, when they'd see someone disheveled digging through the dumpster at one of our apartment buildings (at that point, we'd live in one unit, while 'gentrifying' the place), we'd tell the kids a 'life trajectory story', starring that poor person. The person, in our stories, would always end up in desperate circumstances because he/she had allowed his/her peer group to get them to try cigarettes and booze/drugs.
When they were old enough, I'd tell them about the girls in my 'community', who'd let the football stars and cheerleaders take them out into the woods, give them beer, and then ritualistically gang-rape them (the girls holding things over their mouths, to muffle their screams, while the 'deflowering' was going on.). "And the only thing that saved ME
Hey, parenting ain't for everybody, even some who've already bred.
Gloria, you should just go ahead and submit your OWN version of the letter to HuffPo.
For the record, for parents of teens and preteens, I think this is a great way to start a discussion if you know you need to have that discussion but are unsure of how to begin.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose
I will add my 2 cents.
I appreciate NoK's posting and the link it provided. My youngest child just turned 14 yesterday, with 3 other teens ahead of her. Any words of wisdom to help parents guide their kids through the minefields of jr. high and high school are worth repeating.
Thank again No Kudzu
Yes, to both of these. It's silly for anyone to find fault with the message written. We did tell our own three that we would pick them up anytime, anywhere, with no repercussions. I'm glad we never got a call asking to do so, but I am not so naive to think they did no drinking prior to age 21.
It's fine and dandy for kids to go through shock classes in school, around here they provide the drunk driving simulator experience in health class. But, I think it's much more important for parents to tell their kids that making a mistake is not something that has to ruin, or end, their lives.
NK, ignore the posters who mock the message. it's a good one.
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