Making medical decisions when parents disagree (child care, appropriate, smart, health)
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my husband and i dont see eye to eye on not vaccinating. So the compromise is " If you want them vaccinated, then you take the time off work and get it done"-- its been 9yrs and 2 of the 3 have never had a shot in their lives.
Sorry, not impressed, and not something I would admit.
my husband and i dont see eye to eye on not vaccinating. So the compromise is " If you want them vaccinated, then you take the time off work and get it done"-- its been 9yrs and 2 of the 3 have never had a shot in their lives.
I hope you keep them in a bubble for their sake and ours.
OP, I'm sorry I can't think of any good advice. I hope this doesn't come up very often for you.
There would be no discussions about vaccinations in my home. Kids get the ones recommended by the CDC (including flu). Period. For their safety and the safety of everyone else around them.
All I can advise you to do is document everything. Every illness she has, what the doctor says, what your ex says. Every time he calls CPS and what they say. Every time she is medicated, who chose to give her the medications, and who did not. Then if you have to go to court you can show what each side has been doing.
My ex and I have joint custody, but our custom is that I'm pretty much in charge. I take the kids to 95% of their doctor appointments, and I keep ex informed of what's going on, but if he doesn't care enough to be there, he doesn't get to make the final decision. Luckily we agree most of the time, and when we don't (whether DD needed braces now or later) he defers to me anyway.
Since you and your ex apparently have completely opposite ideas of medicine (he appears to not want her to have any medications, period, and you disagree), then this problem is only going to get worse.
Is it a religious issue on his part? A distrust of doctors? A distrust of you?
Its a paranoia issue he has with doctors, he had some bad experience in his past which stopped him trusting doctors, he won't even go see a doctor himself even when he's clearly ill.
That's a good idea about documenting everything, I did that when we went to court before. I shall start doing it again.
If a decision needs to be made for your child concerning their health (for instance deciding on a course of treatment e.g. antibiotics) and you and your partner disagree on what is best for the child how do you end up reaching a decision?
I chose a physician we both like and trust and we do what he says - when in doubt, we just talk to him again. That usually convinces whoever is wavering about something.
The thing with issues such as this in parenting is that whichever parent feels the most strongly about their view point will win out over the other pretty much every single time.
If the person against something feels more strongly about being against it than the other person feels for it, the against it prevails. And if the person for it has a stronger stance than the one against, then they will prevail.
This occurs in households where both parents reside just as much as it does when they live apart.
The difference becomes a big problem when the person who feels the strongest is doing so just to go against the grain of the other person instead of honestly believing what they are saying or if their decisions are based on unacceptable reasoning.
If he has shown a track record of not making sound medical decisions, based on common medical practice, then you need to have it set up by the court to have full decision making power in all things medical.
All they said to him was that we need to figure out a way of making these decisions without endless arguing and calling CPS (this isn't the first time, they have a big file on us ), although maybe he didn't tell them exactly what the issue was. I guess I will have to go back to court.
Is he the calling CPS or are you calling them too?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natsku
It really seems to be that way, just doesn't work trying to compromise as it always ends up me giving in and doing what he says which isn't always best for her.
You have a bully in your life. You don't give into bullies, especially at the expense of your child. If she needs treatment and you believe it's the right treatment, get her the treatment and deal with the fallout. Let him continue his antics because it will provide more evidence for when you finally end up in court.
Definitely start keeping a diary. Ask CPS for copies of their recent reports and keep them on file. If you have a report that says CPS says you need to make these decisions without endless arguing and calling CPS, that confirms that you both can't make parenting decisions together and one person needs to be designated sole custody for decision making.
Is he the calling CPS or are you calling them too?
You have a bully in your life. You don't give into bullies, especially at the expense of your child. If she needs treatment and you believe it's the right treatment, get her the treatment and deal with the fallout. Let him continue his antics because it will provide more evidence for when you finally end up in court.
Definitely start keeping a diary. Ask CPS for copies of their recent reports and keep them on file. If you have a report that says CPS says you need to make these decisions without endless arguing and calling CPS, that confirms that you both can't make parenting decisions together and one person needs to be designated sole custody for decision making.
I called last year when he told me she had a non-blanching rash but wouldn't take her to the doctor so of course I was terrified she had meningitis as I couldn't see it to check for myself (turned out it was a blanching rash and he just didn't know how to check). And there's a big file from before custody was settled in court and he kept trying to not return her after visits.
I'm writing this incident down and I guess I can email my lawyer and ask his advice as I doubt he'll charge me for an email.
You can also file on your own. Judges in family court tend to be very sympathetic to parents trying to care for their children which in turn makes them not be able to afford an attorney.
It will cost you a filing fee only. That's it.
Documentation is key.
Best of luck with this.
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), although maybe he didn't tell them exactly what the issue was. I guess I will have to go back to court.
