Who would you side with? Am I being selfish and immature? (baby, support)

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by Hopes

This is so true! I remember being relieved when I returned to work because I could eat a meal and go to the bathroom uninterrupted. These are life's simply pleasures you take for granted until you have a baby. I even took my baby into the bathroom with a bouncy seat while I took a shower.

That said, there can be some child free time during the first year, but it takes time to learn how to carve it out.

Oh yea, we left a bouncy seat in the bathroom. My child free time came after I stopped breast feeding. Before that it was either baby, pumping, or sleeping. The baby time during maternity leave was the best. I'd stick her in a wrap and go on a hike.

With that said, mommy hormones may likely want her to keep baby at her side. They made me addicted to my little one; at least initially.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by Braunwyn

With that said, mommy hormones may likely want her to keep baby at her side. They made me addicted to my little one; at least initially.

This is the key, IMHO.

Right now, on THIS side of motherhood, OP has no idea what is coming, so she doesn't have any of the positives to look forward to since she hasn't experienced them and cannot imagine them.

She can stop lashing out at her mom, though. Best to practice now rather than later when Mom starts offering unsolicited parenting advice.

[Sam I Am]

"You're gonna want this back" - there's a country song with those words....treasure, totally treasure, your time together as mom and child. Paris will always be there, but you will look back and wish you could recapture even the bad days with your little one. Yes, it's true.

There will be time for childless vacations, just not anytime soon. Relax - this IS your one life, and you can never, ever reclaim memory moments you didn't make note of when they happened. So much of my kids' life is just a blur now; with everything running at top speed and everyone hurrying around, you will miss things anyway. This is the ONE time in your ONE life you will have this ONE infant. Relish that, hold it close to your heart. Memories like that are way more precious than anything else in this world.

[Aggiebuttercup]

I had responded via PM when the thread was closed, but I want to repost my comments here in case someone else comes across this thread.

I LOVE to travel, and I made it a point to figure out how to do that with kids. My goal is to take one big vacation a year, and alternate it being an adults-only or a family-friendly one.

When my daughter was 6 months old, we took a family trip to the Canadian Rockies. I hiked a (small) mountain with her strapped to my stomach, let her play on a glacier, and had a great time outdoors. We brought MIL with us on the trip, and she watched the baby for the few things we wanted to do that were unsafe with a baby.

The next year, we left the 18-month old with MIL for 10 days while we went to Hawaii alone. Baby was fine. MIL said that was too many days for her.

The next year, we took toddler and met friends for a week-long stay in Arkansas. We hiked, we visited museums, etc, all with toddler in tow. We alternated days where the males or females watched her while the other set went off to do something adult.

The next year baby 2 was born.

When baby 2 was 10 months old, I left both kids with my mom for 10 days while we went to Italy. We Skyped every day. Kids were fine. Mom was fine.

The next year, mom and I took an Alaska cruise, just the two of us.

The following year, Mom, me, both kids, and a group of friends took a Disney cruise together. GREAT fun for everyone...and it was the only bribe that worked to get the youngest potty-trained.

Travel can certainly be done, with or without baby. I know my children's limits, and I know what kinds of vacations they will enjoy and which ones they aren't ready for (anything museum-heavy). I happily drag family and friends on vacation with us so that we can have a combination of family and adult times. I also happily leave my kids with their grandparents - it's important to me to foster that relationship between our parents and our children.

My youngest isn't even in kindergarten, and he's been to two other countries. The oldest got to present to her class at school how Grand Cayman is different from where we live (OMG, they drive on the other side of the road!!! ). Great opportunities for both of them.

[Kibbiekat]

Originally Posted by Hopes

Traveling with a spouse doesn't necessarily mean there isn't family travel too. Many parents do both.

yes of course. just most of them aren't planning their getaway before the baby even arrives.

[thewitchisback]

Originally Posted by GoldenTiger

This is precisely what went wrong... Don't you feel any joy of becoming a mother? Something you look forward to? If all this was planned, don't you feel excited to become a mother? Don't you have plans for your baby? Aren't you busy preparing the nursery, looking up what to name your baby if it's a boy or a girl at all? Why are you preoccupied with future travel plans and ideas? No, you do not need to stop all your interests or stifle all your desires when you become a parent. But still, above all, the baby is your new priority. It is premature to start planning a trip when you haven't even given birth, knew what exactly their needs are. It's certainly possible to travel when your baby is still young, but you can only plan that when you know exactly what your baby's routines are and you have found an appropriate caregiver who is familiar enough to actually follow those. Be prepared to cancel your vacation too if your baby gets sick.

My wife and I also love traveling, but what I find disturbing here is that you seem to be MOURNING instead of being happy. We have been to Paris before, and we have also experienced parenthood. I can tell you this... During the first year of being a parent, we used to take photos of our baby every month and were extremely happy to witness our daughter's first smile, our daughter's first rollover, our daughter's first intake of food aside from milk, our daughter's first words, etc. There's a lot of happiness in these experiences, I won't miss it to travel somewhere else unless absolutely necessary. Paris can wait. I can tell you that for me, going to the Eiffel Tower is not worth missing some of your baby's firsts... You certainly can go if you do the necessary arrangements, but my advice is better after your baby's first birthday. And please, stop planning or mourning before you give birth!

Well to be honest I'm not that excited yet. I'm hoping once I find out the gender I would get more excited.

I've seen many posters saying that I have no idea what I'm in for. Couldn't be further from the truth. I'm aware that parenting is a hard, self- sacrificing , thankless job filled with lots of drudgery and of course also joy. That's why it has been hard for me to get my head there emotionally. Why did I bother to get pregnant you wonder? I was diagnosed with a medical condition that gives me a 2 year window or so to have a child. I would have liked to wait til later...until I had done more trips and grown my fledgling business some more...but as my obgyn said "think about how you would feel at 50 without a child" when making the decision if you want children today. And I do want children eventually.

[aliss2]

One suggestion - since I say a six month old is so young to leave for so long, here's what we did. We started traveling at 6 WEEKS. But we spent more - a 2nd room (many hotels have room additions) and bought MIL a ticket. She helped babysit on the island. Lots of alone time, adult only dinners, but baby could sleep with us. He was so young that he just slept in a sling at museums etc

It was the best of both worlds!

I have friends who took babies to Croatia and Italy last summer the same way, they lived it too.

[BirdieBelle]

Originally Posted by thewitchisback

I've seen many posters saying that I have no idea what I'm in for. Couldn't be further from the truth. I'm aware that parenting is a hard, self- sacrificing , thankless job filled with lots of drudgery and of course also joy.

I see "joy" is the "Oh, yeah, joy ...." afterthought here. LOL

EVERYONE hears about the difficult parts of parenting. But something happens that you can only experience when you have your own child that you actually do not have a clue about. You will just have to trust that it will happen.

Seriously, as hard as parenting is, do you think people would continue to choose it if it weren't also amazing???

[UCTaxPayer]

Originally Posted by thewitchisback

As I said I have a strong sense of duty...so I will fully care for everything the child needs. A parent's duty is to take care of their child. Hence the sadness that I know I cannot go on trips and keep that part of my old lifestyle. I'm not actually going to go to Paris ...if I were I wouldn't be feeling sad about my fake planned out Paris trip. Am I not allowed to feel sad about it?
Yes my child was planned but can't I feel sad still about my movements being restricted by them? Should I just ignore those feelings?

A little story for you that might perhaps help. When I was 2 and my brother was still a baby (we were 2 years apart) my parents were taking their first vacation alone since I was born. They left us with my grandparents (Mama's parents) and went to the beach which was a couple hours away. They got there on Sunday, had the one night, got up the next morning and went down to the beach. They were sitting there talking and then my Mama told my Daddy that she missed us being there with them, he said he missed us too. So they got up, took their stuff back to the hotel room, got in the car and drove back to my Grandmother's to pick us up then drove back to the beach. So while you may not be mentally ready now as to thinking there may not be alone time for you, you may find yourself missing your baby more than you realize and may in fact head back to get him/her to go back with you as the separation may be more than you can bear. Chin up, apologize to your Mother and as the time nears for the birth of your child and you hold him/her for the first time those feelings may disappear altogether. You are getting ready to embark on a totally new and fantastic adventure in your life, embrace it and cherish it.

[MissSoBelle]

This is your first baby. You will feel different once the baby is here.