Help with 2 Year Old Nephew (teens, support, wife, accident)
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This is criticism of her parenting, and if at any point she senses that you believe this, you better believe she will be offended and not encourage more interaction.
Some parents would agree with you - others would argue that he is barely a baby still and independence comes with age. Remember, all children are different - I have an almost 2 year old who behaves in the same manner as your nephew. I have a three year old who could be passed around to any stranger from birth, and tells me to go away because he prefers his grandfather. Children are just like adults - some more sensitive than others - and she feels you are disrespecting that, then she will avoid further interaction.
He's also clingy because his mother lets him be clingy and does not encourage him to be independent.
She called us one day and told us that we would have to take off our shoes because my nephew was learning how to crawl and she did not want him to get germs.
And we've held him before with no problems.
Many, many people do not allow shoes in their home at any time.
Just to clarify, it was a year or so ago that he was learning to crawl, correct? Now that he is two years old is he walking and starting to say a few words?
Sometimes babies & toddlers go through periods where they are more clingy and less willing to be held by others. It usually isn't a big deal, in six months he may be more willing to be held again by people other than his mom & dad. And, if he enjoys playing with you or listening to a story, as a 2 1/2 or 3 year old, it really doesn't matter if he doesn't like to be physically held by you.
Some kids love to be hugged and held and others don't. Heck, my kids occasionally (and very briefly, due to their adult size) sat on my lap and would give me a hug and say "I love you" when they were in high school and college!
How would she be able to sense this if we never voice our opinion?
You don't have to explicitly state it for her to know.
You don't have to ignore the child either - just allow the child to be around you and leave the child be. There is a huge grey area between too much touching and no contact. Forcing a shy child to have contact can backfire, especially at such a young age.
I'll ignore him and then see what he does and if that does not work, i'll come back here for more suggestions.
It is not really ignoring him as much as not overwhelming him.
My father had a very deep, booming voice and usually was so excited to see his grandchildren that he would say Hello and start talking to them right away. It sometimes caused the babies & younger children to cry because they were startled by his loud deep voice. Once he learned to speak softer when they first walked in the door and give his grandchildren time to get used to his voice as he spoke to the adults it wasn't a problem.
Many, many people do not allow shoes in their home at any time.
Just to clarify, it was a year or so ago that he was learning to crawl, correct? Now that he is two years old is he walking and starting to say a few words?
Sometimes babies & toddlers go through periods where they are more clingy and less willing to be held by others. It usually isn't a big deal, in six months he may be more willing to be held again by people other than his mom & dad. And, if he enjoys playing with you or listening to a story, as a 2 1/2 or 3 year old, it really doesn't matter if he doesn't like to be physically held by you.
Some kids love to be hugged and held and others don't. Heck, my kids occasionally (and very briefly, due to their adult size) sat on my lap and would give me a hug and say "I love you" when they were in high school and college!
yes, he will be three in august.
Her father got really upset that she told us that.
It is not really ignoring him as much as not overwhelming him.
My father had a very deep, booming voice and usually was so excited to see his grandchildren that he would say Hello and start talking to them right away. It sometimes caused the babies & younger children to cry because they were startled by his loud deep voice. Once he learned to speak softer when they first walked in the door and give his grandchildren time to get used to his voice as he spoke to the adults it wasn't a problem.
My father does not have a booming voice, but he came in and said "Hi R" and my nephew buried his head into his mother's lap and started to cry.
He did this again when my BIl's mother and brother came to the door.
Her father got really upset that she told us that.
A lot of first-time parents can be rather strict with certain things, it's a normal phase. Her father probably knows that the child will put all sorts of crap in his mouth so it's no big deal, but she was still dealing with typical first-time mommy worries. She probably won't be like that with the 2nd or more, it's more just about smiling and nodding rather than trying to be 'right' about situations. She's unlikely to understand until time goes on and realizes that some things aren't as big of a deal. Likewise, she is probably more zealous because she feels boundaries are not respected.
A lot of first-time parents can be rather strict with certain things, it's a normal phase. Her father probably knows that the child will put all sorts of crap in his mouth so it's no big deal, but she was still dealing with typical first-time mommy worries. She probably won't be like that with the 2nd or more, it's more just about smiling and nodding rather than trying to be 'right' about situations. She's unlikely to understand until time goes on and realizes that some things aren't as big of a deal. Likewise, she is probably more zealous because she feels boundaries are not respected.
He's also clingy because his mother lets him be clingy and does not encourage him to be independent. She called us one day and told us that we would have to take off our shoes because my nephew was learning how to crawl and she did not want him to get germs.
I'm not hearing "clingy." I'm hearing a normal 2-year-old who does not want to be picked up by virtual strangers. It doesn't matter if you guys talk on the phone. Even if you saw each other regularly, he might still be shy around people who aren't his parents. This is normal.
Many people take shoes off regardless. Leaving them on tracks dirt into the house. No reason you need them past the front door. Keeps the floors SO much cleaner!
I would quit trying to force this poor child to interact with you on your terms. Bring whatever sort of toy he likes and play side by side on the floor. Eventually he will probably warm up a little. But trying to force yourself on him will only make him more wary. Your sister is doing exactly the right thing by teaching him to respect his own feelings and comfort level.
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