Your children's privacy (have to tell, pregnant, parents, boys)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Has anyone decided to protect their children's privacy by sharing less with family and friends than maybe they did early on? What kind of things happened that may have precipitated the desire to be more private of your child's life?
I've never been a private person, but an incident happened over the holidays that is causing me to lean to be more private in the future. Would be interested in others experiences.
I tend to protect their privacy. I'm not one to flash report cards - not to brag or otherwise, I don't have to tell everyone every move my kids make. Especially the older they get.
Yes, I am more respectful of my kids' privacy as they get older. If it's something they're embarrassed about, then I keep it to myself, especially if they ask me to.
DH & I were always very private with our children although we had lots of family in the area. We never discussed report cards, newer told anyone if the kids were trying out for sports. Never, ever would we discuss their dating, girlfriends with others.
We tried as hard as we could to put no outside pressure on our sons' decisions throughout their school years. If they did join a team then we would tell others if they won an important game. If they did some wonderful thing with school, like one of the boys did a year abroad in high school, then we would tell family and friends. When they applied to colleges, it was not discussed during the application process with others. Only after they were accepted did anyone know where they were going.
We had decided early on that aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. were not going to be jumping on the bandwagon, offering input, criticism, etc. as to what was going on in our nuclear family. We like things peaceful and quiet. We made sure never to seek out drama while raising the kids. If the kids wanted to discuss things with the extended family, that was fine as long as it was their decision to do so.
Has anyone decided to protect their children's privacy by sharing less with family and friends than maybe they did early on? What kind of things happened that may have precipitated the desire to be more private of your child's life?
I think it really depends on your family and friends. Unfortunately, I come from a family that can be very critical and judgemental. This has caused me to adjust what I share...and don't share.
My kids are young adults, but I learned a long time ago to be careful of what I shared with my sister and my parents (especially my mother). My sister can't keep a secret to save her life, so I would never tell her anything that I didn't want blabbed to the rest of the extended family. My mother is a VERY critical person, and has become moreso since she had a stroke several years ago. My sons are good kids, but I don't need my mother throwing anything negative about them back in my face. (We're not talking deep, dark secrets here.) I see her do it with other members of the families...it's not gonna happen with me.
I did learn the hard way with my in-laws about sharing info about my kids.
We attend the same large church, and they both gab CONSTANTLY with their friends about us. It literally is ALL they talk about because it seems like they are in a group where the person with the "best" story is the most popular.
When one of my sons was 13 he had a sensitive surgery, and of course we told the in-laws about it because it's not the kind of thing you can hide (even though they did not tell us about one of my MIL's surgeries until the morning she went in).
But anyway, about a week later, one of my MIL's friends came up to me in the grocery store and said, "MIL told me about Son's ____ surgery. How is he doing?"
It was nice of her to care, but I was kind of horrified because not only is it not the kind of thing I thought they would even care about sharing, but that lady's granddaughter was in my son's class at school.
This has been going on since I was first pregnant 18 years ago and some woman in their Sunday school class mentioned something MIL had told them about my cervix (you know, the dilation statistics you sometimes share etc.) It has caused trust problems with us ever since.
I followed my kids lead with what they wanted to share or not. We are a big, nonnuclear family, so most things that were shared were not deliberately kept secret from other people.
DH & I were always very private with our children although we had lots of family in the area. We never discussed report cards, newer told anyone if the kids were trying out for sports. Never, ever would we discuss their dating, girlfriends with others.
We tried as hard as we could to put no outside pressure on our sons' decisions throughout their school years. If they did join a team then we would tell others if they won an important game. If they did some wonderful thing with school, like one of the boys did a year abroad in high school, then we would tell family and friends. When they applied to colleges, it was not discussed during the application process with others. Only after they were accepted did anyone know where they were going.
We had decided early on that aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. were not going to be jumping on the bandwagon, offering input, criticism, etc. as to what was going on in our nuclear family. We like things peaceful and quiet. We made sure never to seek out drama while raising the kids. If the kids wanted to discuss things with the extended family, that was fine as long as it was their decision to do so.
Yes, it's better to just not talk too much either way.
A lot of time, those people who brag on and on, telling you every A, every positive aspect, suddenly go quiet --- and then everyone knows something is wrong. Or they brag about one kid and not the other so everyone knows the other isn't doing so well.
I think you should talk enough about your kids that people know you have them but leave most of the details out -- good and bad. Don't brag but also don't spill all the beans about any problems.
My ex always shared information I felt inappropriate with his family. But the good news is, no harm was done. We also did not have the Age of Facebook to contend with, nor the www to the extent that is available today. I do not participate much in FB just because I value my privacy and share very little. My kids know how I feel and do the same about me, out of respect for me- I may be in a photo or two, but rarely tagged. They are both somewhat involved in social media, but nowhere near the level I see with some of my own friends that are on there 4 and 5 hours a day.
If I were to have children today, I suspect I would share very little on any websites and would do everything possible to keep my kids information as private as possible. Fortunately, they were young adults when the www burst on the scene and they had (and still have) intuitive caution about sharing personal information.
My youngest has told me the best advice I ever gave him was to never do anything that would cause him problems passing a lie detector test...he told me he applies the same logic to the web. Once it's out there, it's hard to take back I finally succeed with the privacy thing and we now have to contend with the NSA.
I tend to protect their privacy. I'm not one to flash report cards - not to brag or otherwise, I don't have to tell everyone every move my kids make. Especially the older they get.
same here, I am a firm believer in, "what ever happens in our home, stays in our home".
Our family life is not for public broadcast.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
