Should parents reward good grades? (punishment, allowance, play, children)
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Frankly, I don't understand those of you who are against it but at the same time celebrate it with something extra, I.e., dinner, gift, etc. What exactly is the difference? Imo, it's the same thing - recognition with a reward.
I dont think it is inherently helpful or harmful. Whatver works is my general rule. Money now may save you money later for college. Or it may not. Do whatever works to keep kids motivated. If they need no motivation, then don't.
I think the difference is that if you call it a "reward" or you specifically pay them per grade, it can become something the child thinks they are owed every time they get good grades. As in "I made As, where's my money!". You don't really want to nurture that mentality. Life is not going to work that way.
If you make it instead some kind of way to celebrate a milestone it can become more associated as a recognition of hard work in a broader sense in the kid's mind, not so much a "payment" for doing what they were supposed to do anyway. It becomes a nice extra as opposed to something their parents owe them.
It's absolutely a game of semantics, and of putting the whole thing in the right context so as not to send the wrong signals. It's a subtle difference but its one worth pursuing, to me.
All that said, I don't think directly paying for grades is always wrong, it just depends on the situation. You know your own kids, do what works for you and yours.
Frankly, I don't understand those of you who are against it but at the same time celebrate it with something extra, I.e., dinner, gift, etc. What exactly is the difference? Imo, it's the same thing - recognition with a reward.
I dont think it is inherently helpful or harmful. Whatver works is my general rule. Money now may save you money later for college. Or it may not. Do whatever works to keep kids motivated. If they need no motivation, then don't.
Yes, there have been many psychological studies that show that any kind of extrinsic reward for grades undermines motivation.
So to keep SOME kids motivated, you have to keep raising the stakes.
There's a real simple answer to this question.... it's up to YOU how and when you reward your kids.
The only time my parents would reward us in regards to our grades, we had to get straight A's in every single class... my brother was able to accomplish that in his sleep and no he and I never expected to be rewarded everytime we did well in school... we were taught to know better.
So personally those who say "if you do it once they'll always expect it..." that's poppycock if you ask me.
So you're saying that if you did get all As in EVERY class and your parents did not reward you, you would not have given it a second thought?
Frankly, I don't understand those of you who are against it but at the same time celebrate it with something extra, I.e., dinner, gift, etc. What exactly is the difference? Imo, it's the same thing - recognition with a reward.
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You don't see the difference between everyone getting together to say, "Yay!" and handing one person some cash and a pat on the head?
So you're saying that if you did get all As in EVERY class and your parents did not reward you, you would not have given it a second thought?
Maybe it's because I am asian and know a lot of asians and a lot of other people who are just high achievers...but no. I would not have given it a second thought because that is what you're supposed to do.
In fact, I don't know one person who is successful now who was bribed into having good grades.
Maybe it's because I am asian and know a lot of asians and a lot of other people who are just high achievers...but no. I would not have given it a second thought because that is what you're supposed to do.
In fact, I don't know one person who is successful now who was bribed into having good grades.
They did it for themselves.
I feel the same way, but I was calling BS on another poster who called "poppycock" on the idea that giving monetary rewards sets up expectations for further reward.
Let me just clarify - a reward is completely different from a celebration, which is the coming together of people to share their happiness WITH you for your success. It's as much about your support system - parents, family, friends - as it is about you. It's an opportunity for you to not only receive congratulations but to thank those people for the part they may have played in making it possible.
If you take someone out for a treat as a reward, then that is still setting up expectations that when you do the work someone's going to validate it for you by giving you something.
And, what if the kid doesn't get the A that earns 10 bucks but has worked so hard trying and doing their best that they should be proud of themselves anyway? Do you give them the 5 dollar consolation prize when they really deserve the top tier prize?
What happens when they get an after school job and your 10 bucks means very little to them? Do you have to up the ante to a car?
I don't give cash rewards, but I do buy my kids something or allow them a privilege. For instance, one quarter my daughter got her ears pierced. My son got a book or drawing utensils. Their father gets them something as well. Their maternal grandmother and aunt send money -- whatever amount they choose to send.
There is a thin line between rewards and bribes. For my kids, it's an incentive to keep working hard and doing well. The boy consistenly does very well, as in mostly straight As with maybe a B thrown in here and there. The girl works harder to get her As and Bs. She is very easily distracted and easily loses focus, and her working memory is lacking (and the school won't test her for an LD). So when she does well, she has really worked hard and I reward her.
It's similar to telling your children that if they don't keep their grades up, they will lose a privilege. That is, if you know they can do it and they are slacking off.
You don't see the difference between everyone getting together to say, "Yay!" and handing one person some cash and a pat on the head?
I said a celebration that included an extra reward. And the OP was just asking if cash was ok for a reward. He didnt say he would just hand the cash and pat on the head or give the cash over a celebration.
I was the academic out of the five kids between my parents. I liked school and therefore did really well. I would however get in trouble for getting B's, which tended to only be in math classes. I stayed an A student all through college too and had an academic scholarship. I never expected a reward from my mother for my grades because A's were expected. Some years when I'd done especially well, like I'd maintained a 4.0 GPA or perfect attendance, we would go out for dinner to a restaurant of my choice at the end of the school year. Maybe you could do that with your daughter? It could be a nice mother-daughter thing if you went out for dinner or pedicures or something like that as a reward for good grades, especially since it would be quality time with just her. I know with four younger siblings, time with just my parents was a treat. She did a great job!
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She did a great job!
