Roaring households! Can a yelling household raise a healthy child? (bullying, single parent)

[AnotherTouchOfWhimsy]

Eh, we're a loud family. Often there is yelling by me in an effort to have my voice heard above the din. My son tends to yell when he talks, so sometimes, I yell, "stop yelling!" When my inlaws are visiting, I'm thankful that we don't have next-door neighbors, because between us and them (they're Italian and talk VERY loudly), it sounds like feeding time at the zoo!

I think that a household is more healthy with good-natured (and even occasionally disciplinary) yelling than they are when no one speaks. Or when the parents are extremely passive-aggressive. There are families where the parents never raise their voices, but the kids are spanked at the first sign of disobedience/lack of immediate obedience. I personally don't think that's very healthy, but it works for some families.

It really depends. As long as the kids are loved and the yelling is not abusive, it's one of those "mind your own business" type of things.

[aliss2]

I grew up in a home of yelling and I'm perfectly fine but it was a crappy way to treat us and I wouldn't want to subject my own kids to it. If my husband loses his temper and yells (for whenever the kids are being brats), it gets me particularly upset because of memories!!

[purehuman]

Originally Posted by Robinstyler

I'm torn on this question. My opinion, which is supported by some data, is that a yelling household does more damage than good. Alternative opinions show that the lack of yelling in a household may be why we have misbehaved children that show no respect.

Your thoughts?

I think if the yelling is negative, then yes it's unhealthy..If it's just a loud and boisterous family, and positive, then yes, a healthy child can be raised.

[SoulJourn]

I can tell you what a quiet house hold was like. I grew up in one. Raising one's voice was one of the worst things you could do.

My mother spoke in an almost falsetto whisper and my father mumbled. My sisters were taught to speak softly. I think it was an attempt on the part of my mother to seem upper class.

You could cut the tension in that house with a knife! It was oppressively quiet.

Along with no loud talking, there was little laughter.

My home is nothing like that.

[texdav]

I think yelling households are a sign of not be responsible enough to do the job. Its discipline that really is needed with young kids to make sure they later hopefully have self discipline. They just adopt to yelling and find it easy to join in. There has to be rules and punishment for breaking the rules and of course you have to take the I hate you for reward later as they age.

[don1945]

Originally Posted by stan4

Many ethnic households are loud ones.
No harm, foul, or hard feelings. Just loud and passionate.

Yep, most notable are Italian homes. At one time in my career I worked for an all Italian company, I was the only non Italian. When I started there I thought everyone was mad at everyone else because of all the yelling but learned that Italians are just passionate people and express themselves like that.

It was one of the best experiences of my life working there, and I left with a lot of respect for Italian/Americans. My Son's GF is Italian and from NJ, so she has all of that going for her, and she tends to express herself a little loudly, but I love her for it.

Don

[Siobjuan]

We call it 'Communicating at High Volume'. We are an Irish family and sometimes our tempers get the best of us. But I would rather the yelling (with communication) than icy silence any day of the week! There have been some arguments that get really loud but we know whoever is yelling feels very strongly about whatever it is. Then we are over it. All is good and everyone is in the know.

[lynnylo]

I can't stand yelling, to begin with. In my family nobody raised his/her voice. There was a lot of laughter, but no yelling. It would have be seen as bad manners and loosing your face. I'm German and grew up in a family of even tempered academics.

My husband is the absolute opposite. Hispanic from Texas. Big family, loud, passionate, short tempered, very religious and more...uhmm... "simple". I get so mad at him when he's raising his voice to the kids. Especially if they are very young and don't even understand why daddy is yelling.

So no, I don't think of yelling as a good thing, more like a lack of respect. If people need to vent, they should go for a walk and maybe yell at some trees.

[hml1976]

My uncle is Italian and his wife (my aunt) is Irish and they yell, they cry, it's all very dramatic but they have a loving home. Now my mother could kill you with her waspy silent disapproval. I mean I had a loving home too but what was unsaid was definitely as dangerous as what my aunt and uncle were raving about.

[Jaded]

Yes, you can.

Silence really isn't "golden." I come from a loud family. We laugh, cry, argue, debate, and celebrate...with our voices and affection for one another. It's the only way I know how to live. Now, at times I can give the "silent treatment." But that is usually a form of disapproval and punishment. Silence is what I tend to use if I am so angry that words would become meaningless if I spoke them. IOW, I don't want to say anything I may later regret.

I know people/families who don't yell or even speak loudly. The one's I know usually don't share their feelings and keep a lot of feelings (good and bad) inside. Which actually makes for a very tense family and a very stressed family life, IMO.

So, I think there is a balance. If the yelling is associated with physical violence or derogatory, hurtful, or painful words (verbal abuse), then no, the children will not be healthy; socially or emotionally. They'd have all sorts of anxieties and phobias. If talking loud and yelling is used productively to share one's feelings and voice one's opinion in the absence of physical violence and/or verbal abuse...then I don't believe the children will be damaged by it.