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So a kid has to be hit on three different occasions to be able to defend himself, or hope its a "one time deal"? I teach my kids to make sure that the first time someone hits them is the last time. We've also experienced having him accept the repercussions of fighting at school when he laid someone out after they hit him, and getting suspended for the rest of the day. It was a good lesson that you do what you think is right, stand behind your decision, and take your consequences. We took the free afternoon to go out for ice cream, and he and the other boy actually got along a lot better after that day.
It was also partially because we were learning martial arts. It was part that and part covering our behinds as far as getting into trouble. I don't necessarily thing hitting back the first time is a good idea. When kids get in trouble by their parents, the parents usually first warn the child once to not continue the behavior because it will get said children in trouble.
It was also partially because we were learning martial arts. It was part that and part covering our behinds as far as getting into trouble. I don't necessarily thing hitting back the first time is a good idea. When kids get in trouble by their parents, the parents usually first warn the child once to not continue the behavior because it will get said children in trouble.
If my child were to hit me, he would not be getting a warning! And as I said, I've taught my children not to fear "getting in trouble" with the school. We teach the morals and values that we believe. They behave themselves accordingly. If our morals and values do not match those of the school, then we stand behind our actions and take the consequences accordingly and respectfully. We do not alter our morals and values, even if that means breaking the rules.
Today at the playground some kid walked right up to my 4 year old, two feet from me, and smacked him in the head. No reason, we'd never seen this kid before, looked to be about the same age or a little older than mine. Of course, the kid's dad was on his cell phone, not paying any attention. I told my son that in the future, if someone hits him, it's ok to hit them back. I know we're not supposed to tell them that, but it just seems right to me, even he gets in trouble. I'd rather have him hit back than be bullied again and again. So what do you tell your kids to do if someone hits them?
The kid was four years old? Really? Four year olds don't understand what fighting and fighting back is yet. Maybe at nine, you could tell your son to hit back. But at four, you act like a responsible adult and tell the other kid that he is not playing nice and then tell that kid's dad. You need to show some responsibility and maturity here and teach by example.
The kid was four years old? Really? Four year olds don't understand what fighting and fighting back is yet. Maybe at nine, you could tell your son to hit back. But at four, you act like a responsible adult and tell the other kid that he is not playing nice and then tell that kid's dad. You need to show some responsibility and maturity here and teach by example.
Oh thank god.
I can't believe the majority of parents in this thread think the problem is with the FOUR YEAR OLD. I agree completely, mom should have marched the four year old over to his dad, made him get off the phone and tell him what his child did.
By not confronting dad, the OP showed her child to do nothing. Telling him to hit back at this point is just going to teach the child to hit to solve problems.
Oh and for whoever said that hitting back stops children from being picked on (which is completely different than the OPs scenario) that is not the solution. Hitting back just escalates the violence for the vast majority of cases.
So a kid has to be hit on three different occasions to be able to defend himself, or hope its a "one time deal"? I teach my kids to make sure that the first time someone hits them is the last time. We've also experienced having him accept the repercussions of fighting at school when he laid someone out after they hit him, and getting suspended for the rest of the day. It was a good lesson that you do what you think is right, stand behind your decision, and take your consequences. We took the free afternoon to go out for ice cream, and he and the other boy actually got along a lot better after that day.
This is perfect and the way it should be. We teach morals and values in the home and I see no reason to compromise them when we are not in our homes.
I've told my dd to not just hit back, but hit HARD. I've told her to make sure she hurts them more than they hurt her. In settings where I am there, like playgrounds, I will and have intervened and confronted the kid and/or the parent. But at school, she's on her own. I'm not there to protect her, so she has to do it herself. She knows that NO ONE has the right to put their hands on her, and if they do, she has every right to defend herself. Under no circumstances does she have to take being physically abused by ANYONE, even another child. And I've told her if the teacher has a problem with her defending herself, have the teacher call me.
Problem is, my dd cannot bear the thought of breaking rules or getting into trouble. She won't fight back because she's afraid of punishment. And she's so sensitive and dramatic, any disputes usually end with her in tears. I enrolled her in a martial arts class. Hopefully that will help some.
For what it's worth, my dad told me to hit back. When confronted with my first bully in elementary school, I didn't think twice about throwing a punch. Hit him square in the jaw and knocked his front tooth out. Gave him a nice souvenir to make him think twice about trying the same thing again. Of course, I did not throw the first punch, which was the signal to start swinging. Yes, I got a couple of days worth of detention, but I never dealt with that bully again. In fact, I didn't deal with a bully again for another few years because others witnessed the results. Similar thing did happen a few years after, and I responded in the same manner. Once again, similar results, and the problem was solved.
I was always the skinny kid who didn't look much of a challenge, but I always was able to successfully stand up to bullies. Had my dad taught me different, my youth would have been considerably more traumatic.
Teaching your kids to hunker down and assume the fetal position is akin to teaching them that others (teacher, playground aid, principle) will solve their problems for them. Rarely works out that way in the real world. Teach them to stand up for themselves, and teach them to solve their own problems in life. It will work out much more favorably in the long run.
^I agree with this. I suppose it also depends on the age and the intention. My son is almost 3, so at his age, we tell him to verbalize: "Hey! Why did you hit me?" It's like asking a mugger for the time: totally throws the attacker, and most of the time, the fellow preschooler shrugs and says, "I dunno." and runs off or wants to play, so it diffuses the situation without teaching violence; if the kid is a true bully, our son is to then go tell an adult. Hitting back is NEVER allowed with us - we tried that when he was little and hitting us, and it quickly escalated into an Anchorman-like rumble every time.
H/e, when he gets older and tattling becomes a worse social crime than hitting, we may change our approach..but I doubt it. I may be a hippie, but I don't think it's appropriate to teach violence as the solution to violence - my brother was beaten up on a regular basis as a kid, so my dad tried to teach him to fight back, and it only proceeded to get him thrown in dumpsters and beaten worse...he was a scrawny, weak kid, so even learning how to throw a punch didn't make him suddenly a force to be reckoned with, it just made him even more of a target because they felt like he was now asking for it.
This is incorrect and a parenting mistake. Violence in self-defense is the correct and appropriate solution to violence initiated by others.
And if your brother was taught to fight properly, he would have won some and lost a few, and been a happier and more effective person. Nobody is scrawny and weak, after some good training in physical violence.
This is one of the hardest things we have to do as Parents. We shelter our kids when they are little and try to keep them from getting hurt, and we also try to teach them kindness and respect for others. Then, when they get out in the world and start going to daycare or school they run into other kids who do not play by the same rules. So, yes, we did tell our two Sons that they had the right to defend themselves. It is like one day we are saying "Be nice" and then the next day we have to say it is ok to punch someone back.
In hindsight, I wish we had gotten our Sons into martial arts. Not full blown black belt stuff, but just enough to give them the confidence and education on how to properly handle street thug types who are bullies and that sort of thing. I think it would have made their school years a little easier, although they did ok on their own.
As much as school officials and others like to think they can control bullying, we who went to school know there were always bigger and meaner kids who thought it was fun to pick on others. I bet with the way the world is today that situation is even worse than when I was in school years ago.
Does anyone that thinks that hitting back is the proper solution, ever stop and think that the bully could be much bigger and stronger? What then?
And for the guy that knocked a tooth out....it could have been YOUR tooth that was knocked out. Would your advice change? Not many kids have the strength to knock a tooth out. Even a loose baby tooth without good roots takes a little strength.
Hitting is part of playtime for the young ones. They really don't know how to play yet. This is where the adult needs to step in and say that's not the way. Don't try to play with the aggressive ones. It's not worth it. But, the adults among us need to do a better job of guiding our youngsters. Stay away from the bullies. Yes, learn how to cope. It's not always smart to hit back.
One good retort to a blow is, "oh my, did you hurt your hand?" They don't know how to answer.
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