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Doesn't always work. We tried everything, sticker charts, bribery, pleading, ignoring, begging, following the book Solving Your Child's Sleep Problems, her pediatrician's advice.........none of it worked. She was also our second child (didn't have this problem with the first). Finally her pediatrician told us to stop worrying and that at some point, she would sleep in her own bed. She did, at about age 3 1/2. In the meantime, we just kept playing "musical beds." We knew two other families who went through the same thing.
To be honest, once they're adults, you look back at something like this and realize that it was a minor problem, compared to all that you'll face when they're teenagers. (I wish I'd known that then.)
I agree, and honestly it wouldn't be nearly the problem it is if baby #3 wasn't on the way. Now there's this sense of urgency to get him out of there ASAP.
When my second was born, we transitioned to my older daughter sleeping with my husband, and I slept with the baby in another room for a while. She did eventually sleep in her own bed, I promise! She just wasn't quite ready yet then.
When my second was born, we transitioned to my older daughter sleeping with my husband, and I slept with the baby in another room for a while. She did eventually sleep in her own bed, I promise! She just wasn't quite ready yet then.
That's rough. I think it's important for parents to maintain their special relationship. Glad she eventually slept in her own bed. I wonder why you slept with the second baby when you already knew it could develop into another child who wouldn't leave your bed.
Thank you for clarifying this for the poster. Why do people take things to the extreme?
It doesn't make the point when it is actually FALSE and non-sensical.
Why do people think that treating a baby like a baby will result in the baby not growing up?
Weird, twisted thought pattern. Don't all mammals grow up? Why are we the most elevated life form yet the worst when it comes to appreciating the psychological and mental need that our young actually have for us? Weird. Thanks for clarifying for the poster.
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Originally Posted by AnotherTouchOfWhimsy
I'm assuming that you did not practice "attachment parenting" with your children, if you have children... every parent who cosleeps knows that it doesn't work that way. Teens don't continue to cosleep, any more than they continue to breastfeed or drink from a bottle or sleep in a crib. It's developmentally appropriate for a two-year-old to want to sleep with mama; it's what mammals do with their young. Teenagers are a different story. As are 40-year-olds. Treating babies like babies does not equal treating teens like babies, and treating teens like teens does not equal treating your 40-year-old like a teen.
OP, we co-sleep and I don't see it as a problem. I see it as merely meeting my child's need...same as what you did when your child was younger. It's not a problem or a "classic mistake," it's that you now need to learn how to handle a transition since you now want your child out of your bed.
What I recommend is that you first acknowledge that you have not given your 2 year old any tools for understanding how to sleep on his own. Since you brought him into your bed (he didn't bring himself into the bed), you have a duty as the adult, to give him tools to help him learn how to sleep without you.
You are kind of freaking out bc you have another baby on the way but this is not the doing of your 2 year old nor does he have anything to do with you and your wife's timing for having another child. Remember: he is on his own schedule and has his own needs. It is you and your wife who have decided to introduce another child before the current child is even out of the bed. So relax and stop rushing your son.
Wouldn't you "freak out" if someone threw you into a foreign environment that you had not been taught how to deal with? I think you would. Especially if you were 2. So I would encourage you not to describe your son's behavior as "freak out city." It almost sounds like it's his fault that he is 2 and you have had him in your safe bed and when you tossed him into a new environment, he didn't handle it well.
We have a little guy who is 2 who is sleeping with us. We don't mind but since you do, please know that it is completely normal for your son to need to touch his mother while he sleeps. This is pretty much what all babies and toddlers do who sleep with their moms. This may be what all mammals do. It is very normal.
There are a couple of things that you can do. Try sleeping with him at the end with the headboard and you and your wife at the other end of the bed. Would that help while you come up with other solutions? Essentially, what you are trying to do is to get him to bond to his bed/room and to some extent release the bond that he has with your wife before he naturally wants to do so. Is that really what you want? If so, ok. Maybe start by your wife sleeping with him in his bed and then when he goes to sleep going back to her bed so she doesn't get kicked, or putting him next to your bed (her side) and letting him hold her hand until he falls asleep.
I really don't know how you do this with a child who is old enough to understand thigns that a 2 year old understands wout him thinking you are kicking him out for the new baby but maybe your son won't have that thought. Are you going to move the new baby into his spot when the new baby comes? It will be hard on the 2 year old to see that, potentially.
Hope some of this helps.
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Originally Posted by SaintCabbage
Our 2nd child, classic mistake, co-sleeping... I know, I know, we knew better, but we had our reasons. It started with very bad colic, breast feeding on the regular, pretty quickly the basinet was of no use and all of the sudden, we were co-sleeping on the regular.
We've made several attempts, he has his own room, we tried the crib, we even converted it to a toddler bed very early to give him the freedom to get up, but it's freak-out city.
I dont want to debate the "cry it out" tactic. I'm not willing to lock him in a room for an hour and hope he figures it out, I'm just not. I'm hoping for advise on techniques to gradually get him to not hate his room like we're taking him to Hell everytime we even walk towards his room.
A couple issues
1. He has a heart condition, so that's really why I'm not willing to allow him to scream bloody murder for an hour and just get over it eventually.
2. My wife is pregnant, we're due in December and our 2 yr old needs to be out of our bed and sleeping peacefully before then, preferably many months before.
We're running out of time and not even close. To compound things, he doesn't just sleep in our bed, he rolls around for hours, kicks, punches, slaps, lays all over us, it's Party in the USA in our bed to him. He sleeps poorly, we sleep poorly, it's bad. He also MUST be touching my wife at all times. Her face, her body, its freak out city if he cant be touching her. With a progressing pregnancy, him laying on top of her isn't going to work for a number of reasons.
I don't know what to do, he's old enough to understand he needs to sleep in his own his room like his older brother... or is he? I don't expect a radical change and acceptance overnight, but nothing works, I'm at a loss.
We've been co-sleeping with my son since he was about 2 weeks old. The first night we co-sleep is the first night he slept through his feeding. He was so relaxed in our bed. He's been sleeping through the night (whatever that means at each age of infancy) ever since. I've never had a sleepless night yet since that first night at 2 weeks old ...and he is 2. I was the most well-rested newborn mother I knew. 2 cheers for co-sleeping.
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Originally Posted by MaseMan
I'm so glad my wife and I didn't let our son sleep in our bed all the time when he was an infant. Now at 20 months he pretty much sleeps through the whole night.
I was with you until you recommended actually encouraging a 2 year old to start detaching from his mother. Um, just because they have decided to have another child does not mean that it is normal or appropriate to encourage or try to lessen the attachment between a 2 year old and his mother.
I hope the OP does not listen to this advice. And people wonder why middle kids end up feeling totally left out and without any identity. They are not the oldest and not the youngest, they are just in the middle.
He SHOULD be attached to his mother ... as much as he needs to be. The adults need to figure out how to spread around the love and attention since they are the ones having more babies. The children do not need to figure out how to detach from their moms more. Come on.
I am not saying that this is the OP at all but this is one thing that I don't like about parents that have a bunch of kids back to back (within a year or two of each other). They have the kids many times because the PARENTS want to have the kids close together but they never stop to think that EACH child needs time with parent and to assess the needs of those children in terms of timing and number - and to assess whether the PARENTS have the ABILITY to really give the necessary amount of attention that each of their existing children need. I am speaking from having seen inlaws that had all the kids back to back (4 under 5) and then treated them basically like one large clump. No individual identities, nothing.
If you can't give all of them individual attention and affection, then don't have them. Children are not things to have. They are individuals with individual temperaments, emotions, needs. Their temperaments, emotions, needs do not all of a sudden change (nor should they be forced to change) because MOMMY and DADDY have made a decision ON THEIR OWN to add more children to the mix.
Quote:
Originally Posted by aliss2
First don't feel bad. This is not your "fault", this is just mammals doing what mammals do.
Second, I will recommend an alternative to the above comments (although I agree with some of them!).
Instead of working on sleep, work on mommy attachment. It's time for him to learn that a new baby is coming and he will need to learn to start slowly detaching from mom. The newborn's cries will disturb him greatly and your wife cannot fully attend to the newborn's needs if he continues this way.
Just realize that this is your doing and your wife's doing in terms of timing and deciding to have another baby. Your decision does not all of a sudden accelerate the rate at which your son should be rid of you at night. Just try to ensure that you don't make it seem like you are replacing him the baby bc that's kind of what your comment seems to say. We would let him stay, but for the baby.... Don't start off making him feel like a middle child for goodness sake.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintCabbage
I agree, and honestly it wouldn't be nearly t
he problem it is if baby #3 wasn't on the way. Now there's this sense of urgency to get him out of there ASAP.
I was with you until you recommended actually encouraging a 2 year old to start detaching from his mother. Um, just because they have decided to have another child does not mean that it is normal or appropriate to encourage or try to lessen the attachment between a 2 year old and his mother.
I hope the OP does not listen to this advice. And people wonder why middle kids end up feeling totally left out and without any identity. They are not the oldest and not the youngest, they are just in the middle.
He SHOULD be attached to his mother ... as much as he needs to be. The adults need to figure out how to spread around the love and attention since they are the ones having more babies. The children do not need to figure out how to detach from their moms more. Come on.
I am not saying that this is the OP at all but this is one thing that I don't like about parents that have a bunch of kids back to back (within a year or two of each other). They have the kids many times because the PARENTS want to have the kids close together but they never stop to think that EACH child needs time with parent and to assess the needs of those children in terms of timing and number - and to assess whether the PARENTS have the ABILITY to really give the necessary amount of attention that each of their existing children need. I am speaking from having seen inlaws that had all the kids back to back (4 under 5) and then treated them basically like one large clump. No individual identities, nothing.
If you can't give all of them individual attention and affection, then don't have them. Children are not things to have. They are individuals with individual temperaments, emotions, needs. Their temperaments, emotions, needs do not all of a sudden change (nor should they be forced to change) because MOMMY and DADDY have made a decision ON THEIR OWN to add more children to the mix.
LOL. really???
How many newborn and toddler have you taken care of at once?? Have you coslept with a newborn and a toddler? Because I have and I learned very quickly that isn't a bed of roses iykwim!!!
I don't mean "detach" as in stop loving his MOTHER I mean teach him that mother needs time to care alone for the baby. The kid cannot sleep without even touching his mother, how is she supposed to care for a newborn at the same time with this???? There is absolutely nothing wrong with learning some independence at age TWO when there is a new baby coming!!
I practice attachment parenting and my kids are 3 and 7 months, there is absolutely no way I could tend to my newborn's needs for cluster nursing and comfort with my toddler not being able to sleep wtihout even touching me. How on earth are you supposed to even be up burping a newborn at 2,3,4am with that? Why should this woman have to struggle like that when there is a perfectly willing and capable father willing to take care of him???
Be REALISTIC. Being a cosleeping attachment parent does not mean mother needs to suffer like this, if she resents it, CHANGE IT!!! And by "detach" of course I mean the child can learn to be settled by his father, not 'abandoned' by his mother. Good grief.
Toddlers and kids didn't ask for siblings, correct, but life dictates that people have children and they will adapt. Plenty of women have 4,6,10 kids and yeah, that means that kids aren't the centre of the world, they have to share it. That is FINE.
I don't think your mistake was cosleeping.
I don't think that's a mistake at all.
The mistake was not transitioning him to his own bed/crib while before he was in that stage of development where everything's a giant battle of the wills (vs "I'm just upset").
At this point, I think I would (and I am no expert, but our son went from cosleeping to full nights and naps by himself at 4-6 months PLUS he puts himself to sleep and at 16 months was telling us when he wanted to nap) do the suggestion of one of y'all sleeping with your kid in HIS room. Let him fall asleep and you be there...then over time, as he gets more used to the situation, start leaving (but only after he has gotten comfortable with it and has woken up to discover you are still there)...I think he'll get the idea and become more comfortable with it.
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