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When my girlfriend's husband lost his job she went to work full time after being a stay at home Mom for 15 years. He stayed home with the kids and took over everything she had been doing for so many years and they never missed a beat. All through the years though they have both been involved in their children's lives and always shared all household chores from dusting to cooking to tending sick children, to scrubbing the toilet and everything in between.
I don't think the fathering would be the hard part for me necessarily, I think it would be that much time spent at home.
I've had a regular job since I was 13. Before that I was mowing lawns and raking leaves and shoveling driveways. That's over 12 years (I'm 25 now)
I get minimal vacation each year and typically work a LOT. Sometimes over holidays when i have 3-4 days off I start to get stir crazy. Maybe once I got in a routine I would be more ok. If I could stay really busy with my child it would be a bit better. I enjoy being in steady daily routines. I'm at the first job now that I'm only working 5 days a week. The 3 years prior was 6-7 days and I was pretty adjusted to it.
Of course, I don't have kids so my opinion obviously doesn't count.
Kind of funny how when it's a SAHM it's just assumed that all the housework is just part and parcel but that we don't automatically assume that with SAHDs.
Assumed, but wrong many times. If I didn't do laundry and dishes...that would be interesting.
When we had our first child I lost my job 1 week before she was born, then we moved. My wife went back to work after 3 months and I was home with our daughter for about 6 weeks until I found work. My daughter got on a schedule immediately when I took over...sleep, play, eat, sleep, play, eat...I found one child fairly easy to take care of and handle the housework. It is funny how structured my life was then, because I am not super structured normally. We now have three kids, I work, my wife is home. It is much more difficult now, though, but I would do it again. Now that the kids are in school my wife is starting a home-based business. If she started raking in the dough I would find a different job to be home more often.
Am I one? No, but I occasionally play one on evenings and weekends, lol.
Do I know any? I only know one. Mom's an attorney, dad was office pawn number three in cubicle seven. He has two twin boys that are now 6 and he has been a SAHD since they were infants.
Would I do it? Maybe. I get doses of being a SAHD now and then, but I don't know if I could do it long term. It's not about stigmas or anything associated with it, it's just that I enjoy my job and think having time away actually makes me a better parent. At the end of a long weekend when I have been the primary caregiver to all three, I can't wait to get back to work and have a break. My wife needs breaks too, but she seems to re-energize back into an enthusiastic parent with an afternoon away.
The one thing I question is how would I do things differently. When I have the kids, we are very organized. I can usually accomplish housework, keep the kids occupied, do an activity, etc. My wife is less structured than I am, but she does it all day, everyday. I would like to think I would keep such good structure (it seems to be my way of coping), but I don't think I could maintain my "A" game for an extended period of time. My wife has definitely learned how to pace herself better.
On the topic of housework, that is one thing I would have no problem with. My wife and I pretty much split everything 50/50 as it is. If the lawn needs mowing, she does the back while I trim and then I do the front while she weeds the flowerbeds. Inside she'll vacuum while I clean the kitchen, we take turns on the bathrooms, etc. She sorts the laundry, I switch the loads and help fold then carry it upstairs where she puts it away. Either one of us could handle the full responsibility there.
for the most part i would say im Mr Mom at least half the day, but how it has worked out has been a win,win for all, see a little over 7 years ago when we were expecting our first child (we now have 2) my wife had recently gotten her masters in teaching and was teaching, So i did give her the option, do you want to stay home ?? or work, well she had debt from all her schooling so she figured she would be a $ drain at this point,so would go back to work...
and at this time I was Finally on days weekends off doing my Union engineer job down town (took years to get me days and weekends off)
But i sure didn't want some sitter or Nanny raising my baby if i could help it, So i called my Union and asked them to move me to another building on 2nd shift, they even gave me flack about it, saying don't come calling us in a month saying this sucks put me on days, but i had been on every shift under the sun and even swing shifts over the years, so i was like just move me.. and they did...
So yes the first 7 hours of the day im Mr Mom we had our 2nd child 4 years ago so i do my 7 at home and then head down town to do my 8 hours, Makes for loooong days, but it's the best move I ever made, I know my kids so well, Im a huge part of their life not just a weekend dad..My life is so much fuller for it and thank god my wife is off for summers, we both get a break, my wife is awesome, she does so much with them during the summer like Beach,zoo's our lake house,ect,ect In fact my kids do more cool sheit in one summer than i did my whole child hood....So that why I say it's a win win for all....
don't get me wrong, some mornings were Hard to get threw and i couldn't wait to get to work ,lol But that's real Life...so 23 hours out of the day(except summers) my girls were either with me or my wife growing up, that one hour was a gap where i had to leave for work and my wife was heading home, so my pops would watch them, now that's awesome... and yes i know were lucky we could pull it off, damn lucky, most don't have our choice or options ...
We have a fairly unique arrangement that works for us, though there are many compromises and a whole different set of tensions and buttons to push. I work full time, second shift. Hubby works full time from home (writing). He started this when he got laid off from a full-time job when the company closed. It was the best thing that ever happened to us -- until then, I didn't see how we would swing having kids, as I didn't want to go the day-care route. The company closing meant he could start trying to make a business out of working from home, and he'd also be able to care for a baby.
DH now makes a good living at this, but there have been years when it was touch-and-go. My salary keeps the mortgage paid and pays my commuting expenses; his income pays the rest. I moved from a 9-5 job to second shift work when my daughter was born -- took a big pay cut to do it, because I wasn't seeing the baby at all. Now both my kids are in school and I do not see them much at all during the week -- I would love to get back to hours that would bring me home in the evenings. But summers are great, as they're home, and I'm home until the early afternoon.
For DH, the semi-SAHD role has been tough. He believes he gets little respect for what he does, especially from other men but also from women. That said, our circle of friends and acquaintances, by now, is completely familiar with his situation and he is respected more than he realizes.
It's been tough for me too. I wanted to be home for all the milestones, and I wasn't. I wanted to be the perfect mom with all the home cooking and perfectly kept house and activities for the kids, and I can't do any of that.
As far as division of labor, DH does all the cooking. He gets them up about half the time, and gets them to bed and makes sure they do the homework. He enforces all the rules that I lay down (I'm definitely the bad cop and he's the good cop when it comes to discipline) He also gets them where they need to be every day. I set up the activities. I pay the bills. I do the laundry. I do the grocery shopping. I try to keep the house clean, but we do have a cleaner come in twice a month.
So it has worked for us for 12 years now, but I won't say it has been easy. But if the alternative had been two jobs, and day care, I would not have had kids.
I can so relate , lol...see above, and like you once my 4 year old is off to school I do plan on moving back to days weekends off, thats my goal...as far as hubby believing his buddy's don't respect him,that blows my mind'' my buddy's have seen what I have done and have total respect and even fear me,lol... because what i have done is alien to them, In fact 3 years ago we moved to a big old cape cod on a double lot and that summer i sent the girls off, I gutted the entire house, I mean every thing, even the roof, tore it down and rebuilt it in 7 weeks with help, their was nothing left on the main level or up stairs, not even a floor.. so i slept on the basement floor next to the furnace for 7 weeks and still went to work 40 hours a week... One mourning while doing this, a best friend stopped by with his teen daughter, and showed her how far the house was gutted...but then he asked if the basement door was open.. I was like why, He want her to see where i had been sleeping, what I had been going threw as a father, He wanted her to have open eyes, He wanted her to know, that YES FATHERS'' do take a Hit for family first, sure made me proud he asked if he could show her...the look on her face was priceless..
I would NEVER be one. It just seems really emasculating. I wouldn't be able to handle staying at home and letting my wife become the breadwinner. My cousin was married to woman that made more money than him and she always publicly humiliated and emasculated him every chance she got.
I would NEVER be one. It just seems really emasculating. I wouldn't be able to handle staying at home and letting my wife become the breadwinner. My cousin was married to woman that made more money than him and she always publicly humiliated and emasculated him every chance she got.
That has nothing to do with the fact that she makes more money. It has everything to do with that he married a b****
I have a good friend who was a stay at home dad. His life was like a movie. He joined a MOPS group (Mother of Preschoolers). He woudl do guy things for the SAHMs and they woudl help him with things guys typically suck at like laundry, shopping and cooking. They all became great friends and had a lot of fun. Took the kids to parks etc. Nothing romantic, they were just a group of friends helping each other raising kids. However his wife became jealous and angry and they ended up getting divorced. Now he lives a few houses away and still does a lot of the same things. He still stays home, bu he has a home based business. Kids are all in school.
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