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My preschooler isn't able to understand that *sometimes* it's okay to run in the parking lot, and sometimes it isn't. He gets in trouble every time I catch him, regardless of whether he was in imminent danger - because I don't WANT him to be in imminent danger. Sometimes he runs off before I can grab his hand. My first grader can mostly judge when the parking lot is safe and when it's not, so she doesn't get in trouble in a situation like that.
I agree that calling names is not a good response.
When I see mothers hitting or screaming at their kids in public, I feel bad for all involved, but I realize it is a case of the parent being overwhelmed at that moment. I'll tell you what really scares me: when I hear mothers say the cruelest, most hurtful, damaging things to their children in calm, cool, and collected tones.
I was in a Marshall's store recently and witnessed this from not one but two different mothers! It was incredibly painful to hear the words they were saying to their little kids. That's the type of stuff that really messes up a young mind. I mean it's one thing to have your mom lose her temper and do or say something stupid, but when you can plainly see she's thinking clearly enough to not make a scene and is still telling you how much she hates you, wishes you were dead, how she thinks you are stupid and bad and worthless, that hurts. Those are the times I feel like rescuing the children.
At Marshall's the last time this happened I tried 2 different tactics with the 2 different moms and both worked in the moment to stop the verbal abuse. In the first case I just looked the mother in the eye and put my hand over my heart as my eyes welled up and I telepathically expressed how sorry I felt for her children. In the second scenario I complimented the child the mother was criticizing. My aim here was to help both the child and the mom to see the kid in a positive light.
When I see mothers hitting or screaming at their kids in public, I feel bad for all involved, but I realize it is a case of the parent being overwhelmed at that moment. I'll tell you what really scares me: when I hear mothers say the cruelest, most hurtful, damaging things to their children in calm, cool, and collected tones.
I was in a Marshall's store recently and witnessed this from not one but two different mothers! It was incredibly painful to hear the words they were saying to their little kids. That's the type of stuff that really messes up a young mind. I mean it's one thing to have your mom lose her temper and do or say something stupid, but when you can plainly see she's thinking clearly enough to not make a scene and is still telling you how much she hates you, wishes you were dead, how she thinks you are stupid and bad and worthless, that hurts. Those are the times I feel like rescuing the children.
At Marshall's the last time this happened I tried 2 different tactics with the 2 different moms and both worked in the moment to stop the verbal abuse. In the first case I just looked the mother in the eye and put my hand over my heart as my eyes welled up and I telepathically expressed how sorry I felt for her children. In the second scenario I complimented the child the mother was criticizing. My aim here was to help both the child and the mom to see the kid in a positive light.
Yeah, that's...horrendous. No parent should ever say anything like that to a child in any tone of voice.
Yeah, that's...horrendous. No parent should ever say anything like that to a child in any tone of voice.
I feel like if it is obviously said out of rage or exasperation maybe the kid can eventually chock it up to the parent losing it. Maybe not take it as personally or as much to heart. But when something so terrible is said as the parent is obviously in full control of themselves it comes off like they really mean it, they're not just flying off the handle.
I don't think children are capable of understanding that Mom might not have meant what she said because she was angry when she said it. I think that that requires something - maybe empathy - that a child or teen simply doesn't have. I know that my mother made comments when I was a child that I now know she made only because she was at the end of her rope. It took many years before I realized she hadn't meant those things. So, I doubt that a raised voice would provide any comfort to the child.
(My mom was a great and loving mother and her comments were nothing like the horrible things you overheard; they were simply things she said out of exasperation and didn't mean.)
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