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The father will fight you. You need to PROVE why it is in the best interest of the child for you to move. I just went threw something very similiar. Its not fun. In my case I was able to leave and how old is the child? That also plays a big part in it. Good Luck
I think this topic had more to do with divorce, visitation, custody. If you were never married, your situation is not the same thing. You broke up with a lover but your child wasn't part of a marriage.
common-law married is similar in the eyes of the law
One difference between official marriage and common-law marriage is that you can have unofficial common-law-type polygamist marriage, which is not allowed if you have a marriage license.
In family court, they aren't going to care when it comes to custody, visitation and child support.
Last edited by JS1; 08-07-2009 at 06:44 PM..
Reason: clarity
common-law married is similar in the eyes of the law
One difference between official marriage and common-law marriage is that you can have unofficial common-law-type polygamist marriage, which is not allowed if you have a marriage license.
In family court, they aren't going to care when it comes to custody, visitation and child support.
Not all states have common-law marriage, most don't. The children of the marriage aren't always the biological children of the husband but the law will hold him responsible for child support, something that isn't done with lovers.
Yes a lover will be obligated to pay child support but it has to be proved which lover, that the accused lover is the actual sperm donor. If no paternity testing is done, then it's a bit harder to go after child support or visitation.
To those of you who with custody who would like to move the child far away from the visiting parent, here's a suggestion:
Switch custody, move wherever you wish, and then see what it's like to be far away from your child. If you like it, great. If not, quit complaining.
Not all situations are the same.
I would never move my kids away from their father if he actually saw them regularly. As it is, when we split, HE moved away, because he ran home to his parents (beats getting a job I guess), even though I offered to move and let him keep the place we were renting since it was cheap and still would have had an extra room for the boys to come spend time with him. I was envisioning moving just a couple miles away and the boys spending time 50/50. HAH! So naive.
He moved six hours away. His mother owns a travel agency, writes off plane tickets whenever she feels like it. She's very creative with her taxes, I hear. They have loads of money so I hoped he'd still see them often. HAH again.
They visit for half of Winter break, Spring break, and MAYBE 2 weeks each summer. Usually just one. Even though my ex doesn't work and has nothing else to do... and even though my youngest begs him to let them come for a month or two in summer... and even though he knows I'd be okay with it.
He doesn't pay any child support and hasn't in over 3.5 years, so it's not like it's a lack of funds issue, as a reason for not having them visit. I already said it but his parents are loaded anyway and they pay for everything so what's the problem??
They could literally afford to fly them in (it's a 45 minute plane flight!) for NUMEROUS long weekends each school year, PLUS an entire summer.. but nope. I don't want to be "rid of my kids" for huge chunks of time, but I know this would be GOOD for my kids, especially my littlest one. He needs this, he misses his father so much, and the SOB can't usually even bother to return a phone call from his son when they are not there. Out of sight, out of mind.
So I will have absolutely no guilt or problems when I move out of state in about a year... and I'm sure the kids will not see him any more or less as a result. It will just mean a slightly longer plane trip. And sadly, I know he won't fight me at all.
On a similar note, someone else I know, the kid's NCP only claims to want to see his child when the Atty General makes him cough up a payment, for fear of jail or losing his license. When they aren't up his butt, he goes years with no contact of any kind. Then they threaten him and make him pay a couple hundred bucks, and he pops up via phone, says he wants to see her, but doesn't show, (mom finally stopped telling the kid he was coming, to avoid the tears) and rants and raves on the phone about how mom somehow "made" the atty. general's office take action and "I hope you are happy, they were gonna put me in jail!". God, I WISH we, as custodial parents, had that kind of control over what the Atty. General of Texas does or does not do!
He has paid a grand total of $400 in four years, in 2 separate forced payments, and hasn't called or written or anything else in 3.5 of those 4 years.... and he lives in the same city. On the rare occasions he makes contact, it is to make bizarre, rambling, vaguely threatening calls to mom, and to complain about having to pay some child support. Oh, and to threaten to call CPS for some made up reason. Please, why should he have a say as to whether or not mom moves out of state?? The sucky thing is, he WOULD fight it, just because he's a control freak, and if he won, he would continue to voluntarily NOT see his kid.
Last edited by fierce_flawless; 08-07-2009 at 11:53 PM..
If the child's father is a loving and involved parent, I don't see why any mother would move her child out of state. That is not what is best for the child. So many children don't have fathers who give a damn about them. If a child is lucky to have 2 parents who love them, they should have the opportunity to see those parents regularly. Summer visit and holiday weekends will never compare to weekly or even twice a month weekend visits. Moving a child away from a parent is doing the child an injustice.
Fierce_flawless, it probably won't be an issue for you to move, primarily because your ex doesn't live in the same city as you do now because he voluntarily moved away. The wealth of his family (a rich travel agent? that would be rare) is completely irrelevant and I don't understand why you brought it up. The kids are strictly yours and your ex's, not your ex's family.
In general, if the other parent never visited with the children, that would be one thing, but just because he doesn't utilize ALL the visitation available to him does not mean that he should have no visitation without having to travel long distances. Visitation isn't use-or-lose-it, it's an entitlement with a cap on the time.
Also, whether dad pays child support or not is irrelevant. Visitation is not contingent on paying child support. They are two different issues.
Fierce_flawless, it probably won't be an issue for you to move, primarily because your ex doesn't live in the same city as you do now because he voluntarily moved away. The wealth of his family (a rich travel agent? that would be rare) is completely irrelevant and I don't understand why you brought it up. The kids are strictly yours and your ex's, not your ex's family.
In general, if the other parent never visited with the children, that would be one thing, but just because he doesn't utilize ALL the visitation available to him does not mean that he should have no visitation without having to travel long distances. Visitation isn't use-or-lose-it, it's an entitlement with a cap on the time.
Also, whether dad pays child support or not is irrelevant. Visitation is not contingent on paying child support. They are two different issues.
My ex MIL was not always a travel agent, it's her "hobby business" now. Their wealth is from previous careers and businesses combined over the years.
The point of bringing it ups, is because my ex-IL's completely and totally support my ex, in a separate apartment, all expenses paid. He does not work and hasn't worked in years. They have involved themselves in this, and continue to profess how it is important to THEM that my ex see the kids. When I expressed concern when he initially moved out of the area (something they encouraged him to do), I was reassured by him AND his parents that since airfare is no big deal for them, the visiting would be frequent.
Because my ex doesn't live like an adult, the issue with his parents has become totally relevant since they have inserted themselves into the situation.
I recall someone else here saying to put yourself in the NCP's shoes. First of all I can't fathom ever voluntarily moving away from my children in the first place. Second, I can tell you, if if I had visitation only, you'd have to bury me first before I'd fail to utilize it. If for some reason my kids were suddenly living with the ex, then that's where I'd be living next, even though I LOATHE that area and can't afford it to boot.
I cannot imagine voluntarily just not seeing my kids... and, depending on just how "sporadic" visitation is, this can be very hurtful to the children. They DO notice when it seems like they are not a priority in a parent's life. Whether it's legally "use it or lose it" is really irrelevant... just because you can legally get away with something doesn't make it right. If you have access to your kids and fail to see them, there's something wrong with you and you should realize that dropping in and out of their life is not parenting.
Ditto child support. I have said a thousand times, I'd sign away rights to ALL child support if my ex would just keep in touch with the kids on a regular basis and see them whenever possible. Answer their phone calls and emails maybe?? My own father never missed a support payment, for SIX children (four with 1st wife, 2 with second)... but he never visited or called unless he "had" to, like when my mom guilted him into it, or briefly when I HAD to live with him. So a check alone doesn't make you an okay parent either.
But when you combine the two.. someone who sees the kids rarely or not at all AND doesn't help with their support, I still think that person has no business restricting the other parent from moving to provide the kids with a better life. Yes, they can legally object, but wouldn't you agree that it's then about control, vs. about the kids??
Now if I haven't made it clear, I'm not talking about an involved parent. I would never move my kids away from an involved parent. I know all too much about how important it is to have an involved parent, and how precious that is.... but that's not always the case.
If the child's father is a loving and involved parent, I don't see why any mother would move her child out of state. That is not what is best for the child. So many children don't have fathers who give a damn about them. If a child is lucky to have 2 parents who love them, they should have the opportunity to see those parents regularly. Summer visit and holiday weekends will never compare to weekly or even twice a month weekend visits. Moving a child away from a parent is doing the child an injustice.
That's a good post and people who try to cut off the other parent can find themselves later down the road with a child who holds that against them.
Plus, put yourself in that other parent's position, you've already been reduced to a visiting parent and have little say and now the other wants to cut you out of the picture entirely? What if you weren't perfect, were facing problems, maybe a little down and out, even lacked parenting skills - how would you want to be treated?
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And sadly, I know he won't fight me at all.