Need help with 4 year old girl with eating. (teens, teaching, spanking)
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CotyAndAna...put a lock or something on your fridge so she can't get in it, serve your dinners at the table, explain that there'll be no t.v untill after {you're}done eating (not just her)...If she doesn't want to eat with you that's OK (but she has to wait until you're done before she gets t.v.) she will join you soon enough (especially when you guys are all eating and enjoying it)...If she doesn't want what you're having (unless it's something like liver and onions) she just doesn't eat, and you could explain that there'll be no snacks, or deserts until she does (but explain gently, don't try to force her)...she won't starve, guaranteed, and before you know it she'll be eating everything you make, and she'll want to join you at the table...goodluck you two, 4 year olds can sometimes be very stubborn.
Our twins are 4.5 years old. We don't have the table issue, but we did have some problems with "I don't like that!", which changed daily. What we did is they were not forced to eat anything, but if they did not eat at least half (and I gave small portions), they could not have anything else other than "stock foods" (bread without any spread, baby carrots, water or watered juice) until the next regular meal time. If you stick to it with no exception, kids get it quickly.
Our twins are 4.5 years old. We don't have the table issue, but we did have some problems with "I don't like that!", which changed daily. What we did is they were not forced to eat anything, but if they did not eat at least half (and I gave small portions), they could not have anything else other than "stock foods" (bread without any spread, baby carrots, water or watered juice) until the next regular meal time. If you stick to it with no exception, kids get it quickly.
That strikes me as a reasonable balance between here is your food **** and Oh my they are going to be hungry!
My DD will try anything you put in front of her. I don;t know if that is just who she is, or it is because my only rule was to try one bite. If she didn't like it, she didn't have to eat it. She could eat everything else on the plate.
When she was about your DD's age though, we had the same issue of wanting to run around. A couple of things we did were letting her pick the meal (or part of it) and giving her a 15 minute and then a 5 minute warning leading up to dinner.
When we let her pick the meal it was "Ok. What are we having for dinner? Pork or ham? Pork. Ok. And what side? Mashed potatoes or, mac and cheese? Mashed. And should we have carrots or broccoli?" Then, whatever options she didn't pick that night were rotated in again as options throughout the week. If we were down to just pork, we would ask her about the side. This way she felt more involved in the process. She was also so proud of the dinner "she made" (she decided she made the meal. lol). She wanted to sit down and see our reactions to it.
Also, a lot of kids have a hard time transitioning suddenly. Giving them warning times helps them start the transition. The 5 minute mark was when she started cleaning up whatever toy she was playing with to get ready for dinner. Then, if she was done early, she came and helped with the rest of dinner prep.
If they are involved in the process, they want to enjoy the end result.
All you're going to end up doing there is raising a picky eater.
As others have already stated be firm and patient. Just because a kid throws a tantrum at the table doesn't mean anyone has to respond in kind, no one should be 'fighting' with their kids anyways at any age.
I always like to let my kids think things through and make their own decisions where possible. When we went through what the OP described I told them it's up to you. You can eat or not, but that's all there is until breakfast tomorrow. On a couple of occasions they didn't sit with us but we always wrapped the plate and set it aside for when their stomaches inevitably made the decision for them. I never made them 'clean their plate' but did ask that they try at least a little of everything that was made.
Not one of my kids turned out to be a picky eater.
My parents thought kids had to sit and eat the peas and lima beans -- and could not leave the table until they did and I believe it was a giant waste of time and actually made kids worse about not liking something. It allows food to become an issue, even a game.
For example when my son was 4, he immediately looked at the liver and onions and stated he didn't like them, so I said he could have a peanut butter sandwich or else just eat what he did like. No issue. So then he decided to just try a tiny piece -- again -- no issue, he could survive for a day if he only ate a tiny piece of liver and have mostly potatoes and vegetables and a glass of milk. So he tried his little piece and ended up wanting seconds and thirds.
I never make my kids go to bed hungry -- it's not my style. I don't want food to be a punishment or a reward or to be some game we play. I never force them to eat, by making it a non-issue, they usually will just end up trying a little on their own because it's no skin off my teeth if they do or don't.
You are the adult and she is the child. If your rules are to sit at the table to eat dinner then those are the rules that she needs to follow.
I'm a retired early childhood special education teacher. Time and time again parents would tell me that their child "never sits down to eat" and these same children would sit at the table and eat snack at school without any problem.
I remember one home visit where the 4 year old student would run around the room, slow down and grab a bite of hot dog while still running and then make another circle or two around the livingroom before grabbing another bite of his lunch. He ate the entire hog dog that way. His mom said that he never sat down to eat at home. Mom said that she only gave him food that he could eat while "on the run". She didn't believe me when I said that it wasn't a problem at school. I invited her to come to school and to arrive during our snack time. Mom did & was amazed to see her son eating his snack and drinking his juice while sitting at the table.
I expected him to sit and gently reminded him to sit a few times (and ignored his screaming & complaining) and he started sitting at the table within a few days of when school started. It took his family a lot longer to break his bad habit at home but fairly quickly he sat down to eat as well.
Good luck to you. I'm sure that it will work for you as well.
Yikes, that sounds crazy dangerous - HotDogs are one of the foods kids are most likely to choke on.
Anyone can rule with fear, especially when they're dealing with young children...
It has nothing to do with fear.
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