Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The problem is, unless it's actual abuse of some kind - that kind of judgment call is tricky indeed.
Because, what is ultimately going to do the most damage? Is it really in the kid's best interest to fight for singular custody - and make no mistake, you would be taking away the girl's right to have two involved parents, if you didn't allow her to live with either her mom or her dad, not to mention the trauma of uprooting her from her home - or have her flounce about in a pageant for a few years?
There are many parents that live vicariously through their kids - we don't take custody from parents who are having their kids fulfill the parent's dreams of becoming doctors, or ice skaters, or Olympic swimmers.
I think it's because we don't like the pageants that we think this is okay. I don't think it's okay to take away a kid's parent except in the most dire of circumstances. And while I personally find it extremely distasteful (pageants), I wouldn't go there - someone might find what I do distasteful - and we live in a free country where parent's decisions should be respected as long as what they're doing is legal and not abusive. Even if it's the other parent who doesn't approve.
If you (generic - not you Anna) can't come to an agreement regarding the activity, then ask the court to decide that. But going after full custody is too drastic, IMO. Not in the best interest of the child at all.
I agree, and I am aware that my own personal aversion to pageants is clouding my opinion on this. It isn't just pageants though. If I had an ex doing anything I thought was harming our child, whether it be pageants, modeling, theater, skating, swimming, etc., I would step in. It's not the activities themselves that would be the problem. It's when extreme behavior becomes involved that it would be an issue, and possibly a reason to go for custody. Putting a child on a reality television show is a poor judgment call in itself. Add to that a child dressed provocatively, acting inappropriately for all the world to see, and the dad just might have a case.
But...without knowing the particulars of this situation, it really is hard to say exactly what should be done. I definitely don't believe the child should be disallowed to have a relationship with both parents, but I do think in a divorce situation, the other parent has the right to speak up and go to the courts if they feel necessary. It will be interesting to see what the judge in this case decides.
I agree, and I am aware that my own personal aversion to pageants is clouding my opinion on this. It isn't just pageants though. If I had an ex doing anything I thought was harming our child, whether it be pageants, modeling, theater, skating, swimming, etc., I would step in. It's not the activities themselves that would be the problem. It's when extreme behavior becomes involved that it would be an issue, and possibly a reason to go for custody. Putting a child on a reality television show is a poor judgment call in itself. Add to that a child dressed provocatively, acting inappropriately for all the world to see, and the dad just might have a case.
But...without knowing the particulars of this situation, it really is hard to say exactly what should be done. I definitely don't believe the child should be disallowed to have a relationship with both parents, but I do think in a divorce situation, the other parent has the right to speak up and go to the courts if they feel necessary. It will be interesting to see what the judge in this case decides.
Yes, that's very true, and I totally agree with that. Extreme behavior can definitely fall into the abuse category, no matter what the actual extremism is about.
I'm a guy and I doubt this man was dad - or husband of the year. He wants a newer model, not to pay support and prollyy thought the whole thing was a hoot - when they were getting along.
No she should not. This is a subculture that most of us won't ever understand
And this is a custody battle. Nothing more.
We have no idea why they divorced, who initiated the divorce, or what kind of father he was during the marriage. We simply don't have enough information to make those kinds of assumptions.
Normally, I'd agree with you IF it were some outsider trying to force their opinion but, in this case, it's the dad. The other parent...who has just as much right to say how this child is raised. This isn't a decision as to whether mom's parenting decisions are bad but are dad's better. The question is which of them is the better choice to have custody of the child. That being the case, I'm going to say the little girl should go to dad.
When dh and I were separated, my lawyer was adamant that I do NOTHING that could be taken the wrong way because it could be used against me. This mom doesn't seem smart enough to know that her choices can be used against her. She's not the only parent here. If dad thinks this is going too far, he gets to say so.
That's my feeling -- custody of children should go to the better parent, the parent most able to provide a sane and stable home.
This mother is clearly sick and trying to exploit the child sexually for her own purposes, not for the good of the child, the father would seem to be a better parent.
We have no idea why they divorced, who initiated the divorce, or what kind of father he was during the marriage. We simply don't have enough information to make those kinds of assumptions.
But from the information given, it certainly seems that the father wants what's right for the child. It doesn't sound like the father wants to exploit her himself, just get her away from that crap.
Both parents should start out with equal chances for custody, gender discrimination is plain wrong. In this case, at least from the information given, the father would be a better parent, but yes -- if there is something missing like violent abuse by the father, then unfortunately the mother might be the better parent.
I find the psychologist "opinion" here very interesting. The psychologist has not talked to the child, just gives his own value judgement on the situation. This type of narcissistic chest thumping, should be discounted immediately. I loathe professionals who use their status and education to validate their opinions and value judgements. Thumbs down.
As for the Mother, it was in poor taste. But, this is a costume. Are we going to start doing a CPS review on all Halloween costumes?
Ok everyone,
I watched the video.
THis is for all the women out there, I want you to think back
to when you were little.
You might have been playing with a little girlfriend, or a sister,
and you snuck into mom's closet, and put on her clothes,
and her shoes.
Have you ever done that?
Have you ever played dress up when you were little?
Lipstick? Just like mommy?
You never did. You never dressed up, or were in a play at school,
these little ones are even younger than school age.
The sex dispute in only in the adult mind.
Small children don't think the way older people do.
They think of this as a fun dress up occasion.
The little girl with the little bra thing, she is pretending.....remember that?
What about Halloween? Did any of you ever dress up for Halloween?
A fairy princess?
The child will be fine, remember, children aren't like adults
so stop putting that on them.
It is what it is, dress up, pretending, imagination, remember
what that was like?
Back when little kids actually used their imaginations, which
doesn't happen anymore.
It is fun for the kids, and when it stops being fun, it ends.
This is just a custody dispute.
Plain and simple.
True. But the mom in question has her daughter on a reality tv show. I have seen maybe one or two episodes of that show and was disgusted by it, but I have never seen the child in question or the episode the dad is complaining about. I'm sure that show, like most, only show the most extreme stupid behavior and there are some more tame, normal pageant moms. But the fact that the kid is ON this show is telling in itself.
Well if there was a show about crazy football parents I am sure it wouldn't focus on the normal parents. It would focus on the crazy ones. There is nothing entertaining about watching a bunch of normal moms talk about where they get their hair/nails done. It is far more entertaining to focus on the crazy father that hired someone to "rough up" one of the coaches in front of the kids (yes really).
At any rate I don't think that a judge should use one thing to decide who should have custody of the child. The judge needs to look at the big picture when awarding custody. Just because he may find pageant moms disturbing based on one TV show, that should not be the be all and end all of his decision making. Kids deserve to have judges make reasoned decisions based on a variety of issues, not just one.
But from the information given, it certainly seems that the father wants what's right for the child. It doesn't sound like the father wants to exploit her himself, just get her away from that crap.
Both parents should start out with equal chances for custody, gender discrimination is plain wrong. In this case, at least from the information given, the father would be a better parent, but yes -- if there is something missing like violent abuse by the father, then unfortunately the mother might be the better parent.
You really can't tell from this article who would be a better parent. The article talks about pageants but not about the entirety of the rest of either parent's case. A judge cannot base a custody decision on one issue (pageants). He has to look at what each parent's strenghts and weaknesses are and how that would affect the child. Pageants are just one thing. You cannot tell from this article what kind of parent either of them are based on this article.
I find the psychologist "opinion" here very interesting. The psychologist has not talked to the child, just gives his own value judgement on the situation. This type of narcissistic chest thumping, should be discounted immediately. I loathe professionals who use their status and education to validate their opinions and value judgements. Thumbs down.
As for the Mother, it was in poor taste. But, this is a costume. Are we going to start doing a CPS review on all Halloween costumes?
Pageants are bad. Halloween is good.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
