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It's interesting when two people get together to produce a child. It's a wild card. You hope they'll be healthy. But beyond that, the psychological dynamics are uncharted territory.
So, here's my question. How do kids internalize the fact when they DON'T turn out as attractive as one, or both, of their parents, who people "acknowledge" to them are attractive? Worse yet, what if kids hear "oh, interesting, you didn't get your parents' looks?"
Yes, there are all kinds of a-holes out there who will say all kinds of things, so this shouldn't be a surprise.
I doubt anyone would tell a child they didn't get their parents' good looks.
It's interesting, though how some features are passed down and some seem to come from nowhere. My oldest has amazing blue/green eyes. I have no idea where she gets them from. No one in either of our families has eyes that color. My youngest has light blond hair even though my hair is black and my husband has brown hair. Other than one blond great aunt, I don't know who she could have gotten that gene from.
Meanwhile all three of my girls have my high cheekbones and my husband's big eyes. Thankfully, none of the three have inherited my muscular thighs. Genetics is so fascinating.
I always found this interesting as well. I find people to be more vocal or interested in this when there is a specific look in the family ESPECIALLY if that look is favored over others. I have seen this several times and it bothers me because it can be a huge problem.
My best friend while growing up said looks were a big deal in her family. Her dad was tall and slender but her mother was a large woman. Large boned, short and had big hips. There were 4 kids. In birth order each kid looked the opposite of each other. It was actually kind of interesting how it turned out. For example, first born son looked just like dad, second born son looked just like mom, third child a daughter looked like dad and lastly 4th (my friend) looked like her mom. The more slender kids were praised for their good looks. It really hurt the self esteem of the kids that looked like mom and well mom obviously had low self worth as she hoped none of her kids would look like her. There was a lot of issues between my friend and her older and "better looking" sister. Tons of favoritism.
In my family my dad and mom have similar looks. No outstanding contrasts so we didnt experience any of that. My siblings and I have both traits of our parents in the looks department.
Now my in-laws are nutty about the looks thing and I was deeply concerned when I became pregnant with my son. Even before my son entered the picture my in-laws were very vocal about the looks thing. My FIL has a specific ethnicity on his side that is considered attractive. Olive skin and dark eyes. The whole tall dark and handsome thing. My MIL is very fair, short and blue eyed. The boys in the family were highly praised if they got the dark looks. So I would hear their chatter anytime someone in the family was expecting..."oh I hope the new baby looks like the "dawson" side." My husband is one of the few that has the dark looks so when I became pregnant everyone lost their minds hoping that our child would have "the look". I am very fair and have blue eyes. I figured the dark genes would take over (my mother works with genetics). Sure enough my son was born with the highly praised look. Everyone was thrilled he didnt look like me. My son is the favored grandchild and it irks the hell out of my one SIL that really hoped her kids would get "the look" but didnt. It was that important. I truly think (aside from my son being an awesome kid) his looks made him a favorite before his personality developed.
Years ago I used to take my son to this small barber shop and one of the barbers was a russian lady. She barely spoke english. So after about a year of going there she points at me and my son and says, "he no look like you." I smiled and said, "ya, he looks like his father." She then asked me if he was actually mine. I assured her he was. She wasn't convinced and pointed at my belly and said, "he come from there?" I assured her that he did in fact come from my womb. I wasnt offended and found her quite amusing really. My in-laws would love her.
It's interesting when two people get together to produce a child. It's a wild card. You hope they'll be healthy. But beyond that, the psychological dynamics are uncharted territory.
So, here's my question. How do kids internalize the fact when they DON'T turn out as attractive as one, or both, of their parents, who people "acknowledge" to them are attractive? Worse yet, what if kids hear "oh, interesting, you didn't get your parents' looks?"
Yes, there are all kinds of a-holes out there who will say all kinds of things, so this shouldn't be a surprise.
people are morons sometimes, no doubt
how old is the child?
the other amazing thing about looks is, a kid can be an ugly duckling and then turn into a beautiful swan
looks continue to change and evolve over time and some features that may be less than pleasant on a kid, end up being very attractive on an adult
I would hope no one would say that, but people can be awful. I find it fascinating to see the physical characteristics my son seems to have inherited from us. When he was born he was identical to my husband. At 2 you can see both sides of us. My husband's dark hair that somehow has my blonde highlights. My husband's perfect teeth (please Lord let the permanent ones be like this) but my smile. Sometimes an expression will be exactly like one of my nephews. He doesn't look exactly like either one of us. Right now he is absolutely gorgeous and I hope he gets to take that into adulthood.
It's interesting when two people get together to produce a child. It's a wild card. You hope they'll be healthy. But beyond that, the psychological dynamics are uncharted territory.
So, here's my question. How do kids internalize the fact when they DON'T turn out as attractive as one, or both, of their parents, who people "acknowledge" to them are attractive? Worse yet, what if kids hear "oh, interesting, you didn't get your parents' looks?"
Yes, there are all kinds of a-holes out there who will say all kinds of things, so this shouldn't be a surprise.
I always wonder about the children of famous people (attracative famous people not , say, Dave Thomas, LOL) who have adopted - what is that like? Angelina and Brad's kids, Nicole Kidman, Sandra Bullock, Michelle Pfeiffer, Katherine Heigl, Meg Ryan, Hugh Jackman , Sharon Stone, etc.....
Most parents are looking kind of haggard and frumpy by the time their kids are old enough to care about their looks. How many moms are more beautiful than their teenage daughters? Not many. I know there are people who do manage to stay fit and attractive, but let's face it, most people (both men and women) start to go downhill at a certain point.
So IMO the real problem is comparing siblings against each other, and how it feels to have a prettier/ thinner/ more athletic etc. sibling than yourself. That can set up a bad dynamic that carries well into adulthood.
Of course, it's what's inside that really counts!!
The only person in my extended family who doesn't look like anyone else in the family in some way is one of my sisters. It's so weird in regards to her looks. Now, my niece looks exactly like her mom did at her age, who I looked exactly like, and who looked exactly like our mom. Seriously, if you put our pictures as kids next to each other, we would all look almost exactly alike. That is creepy.
Most parents are looking kind of haggard and frumpy by the time their kids are old enough to care about their looks. How many moms are more beautiful than their teenage daughters? Not many. I know there are people who do manage to stay fit and attractive, but let's face it, most people (both men and women) start to go downhill at a certain point.
So IMO the real problem is comparing siblings against each other, and how it feels to have a prettier/ thinner/ more athletic etc. sibling than yourself. That can set up a bad dynamic that carries well into adulthood.
Of course, it's what's inside that really counts!!
That's true - I met a woman once with twin girls (about 2yo) - and one was clearly always going to be the "pretty sister" . I think this was an issue for myself and my sisters until we all approached middle age... now I say we're all a little "frumpy", LOL
My son looked exactly like me for many years. Once when he was in Boy Scouts he had to dress like a girl for a skit. I walked into the room and saw myself standing there. It was a real shock. Interesting experience.
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There was a lot of issues between my friend and her older and "better looking" sister. Tons of favoritism. 
I truly think (aside from my son being an awesome kid) his looks made him a favorite before his personality developed. 
I assured her he was. She wasn't convinced and pointed at my belly and said, "he come from there?" I assured her that he did in fact come from my womb. I wasnt offended and found her quite amusing really. My in-laws would love her.
