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His grandfather and father are both alive, and in very good health. I haven't been able to find out exactly what his change of heart was based off of. When I asked about the change of his position last time, he told me as quoted in the first post, that he's wanted that name for a firstborn boy since childhood, that's what it's always been. This is inconsistent with the last seven years of discussion, though.
I understand that opinions may change. He may have an underlying reason that arose now rather than the possibility before. Understanding might help my decision-making process. He's usually very communicative. But being told 'it has to be this choice, and only this choice' puts me off. It's a big change from where we were a few weeks ago. If the situation were reversed and I insisted the baby be named after my dad (also alive and kicking) and no other option would do it would be just as troubling for him, right?
NO, it wouldn't be the same thing at all.
I understand your knee jerk reaction to be "put off" by his insistence of carrying on the family tradition, but try to take that insistence as a sign of how very important this is to him.
You are still newly married, so I'll share this tip with you...in good marriages you frequently have to give in, or give more than 50-50.
Sometimes you give 100%, but sometimes you get 100% too.
When there is a conflict on which you and your beloved will just never agree, the prudent thing to do is to recognize which one of you has the strongest feelings about that issue, and that is the person who gets things their way that time.
I know none of this is what you want to hear, but truly you hating his name does not even come close to generations of tradition you'd be destroying if you don't allow your child to be named after his father (if it's even a boy!). Just sayin'...
My cousin married a man whose first name was Lionel...he was the third Lionel...he goes by the nickname Butch because he hates Lionel soooo much!!!Nedless to say they have two sons neither of whom are named Lionel!!! I would compromise and let his first name carry on the tradition but give him a middle name you agree on and call him that!
I understand your knee jerk reaction to be "put off" by his insistence of carrying on the family tradition, but try to take that insistence as a sign of how very important this is to him.
You are still newly married, so I'll share this tip with you...in good marriages you frequently have to give in, or give more than 50-50.
Sometimes you give 100%, but sometimes you get 100% too.
When there is a conflict on which you and your beloved will just never agree, the prudent thing to do is to recognize which one of you has the strongest feelings about that issue, and that is the person who gets things their way that time.
I know none of this is what you want to hear, but truly you hating his name does not even come close to generations of tradition you'd be destroying if you don't allow your child to be named after his father (if it's even a boy!). Just sayin'...
I haven't read much into the thread, I have absolutely no respect for tradition (no matter how old it is), and I don't much care for the names Henry or Louis, either. But I think Scientist Mom might have had the best idea:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scientist Mom
IMHO, this family tradition is long established (about 100 years to get to the 6th right?) and obviously important to your husband. Have you considered agreeing to call the child your first choice of a nickname, while legally naming him Henry Louis VI?
Doesn't matter if the nickname is a "natural" nickname of any part of his legal name. That's the beauty of the nickname in the first place; it can be literally whatever you want it to be.
For me, there would be no question. I'd never break a tradition that longstanding, especially if it meant so much to the father.
It may be that it becomes a much beloved tradition for the little guy himself one day.
I know plenty of people that go by nicknames that have nothing to do with their name.
For the people saying not to compromise on this, you amaze me. You want the mother not to compromise because she's carrying the child, but that is exactly what you want the Dad to do, compromise.
When you want completely different things, someone is not going to get what they want. There isn't always a compromise.
For what it's worth, I know a Henry, who is 5 now, and he is the most ADORABLE little boy ever!
But really, at 16 weeks, why not just put the discussion on hold? God forbid, you are still in early pregnancy and if you find you have bigger things to worry about you might wish you were still bickering about what to name this precious gift you are awaiting.
I understand your knee jerk reaction to be "put off" by his insistence of carrying on the family tradition, but try to take that insistence as a sign of how very important this is to him.
You are still newly married, so I'll share this tip with you...in good marriages you frequently have to give in, or give more than 50-50.
Sometimes you give 100%, but sometimes you get 100% too.
When there is a conflict on which you and your beloved will just never agree, the prudent thing to do is to recognize which one of you has the strongest feelings about that issue, and that is the person who gets things their way that time.
I know none of this is what you want to hear, but truly you hating his name does not even come close to generations of tradition you'd be destroying if you don't allow your child to be named after his father (if it's even a boy!). Just sayin'...
It's HER baby. Not his families AND he misled her before hand.
No tradition is more important than those two facts.
I'll reiterate a point, in case people are new to the thread, he never pressed on there being a VI as an absolute family name. In the past it was a possibility and we went so far as to consider other alternatives too.
In the past it was a possibility, yet now he is a definite yes and you are a definite no. It seems like you've both solidified positions that are different from what you discussed previously. He--the name is now a requirement, and you--the name is not under consideration.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neniathe
Understanding might help my decision-making process. He's usually very communicative. But being told 'it has to be this choice, and only this choice' puts me off. It's a big change from where we were a few weeks ago. If the situation were reversed and I insisted the baby be named after my dad (also alive and kicking) and no other option would do it would be just as troubling for him, right?
This is the main point. You may feel that he has changed his position and is not giving you a clear answer why. That would be very upsetting to me too! Esp. if I was given a "it's my way or the highway" scenario. I can see where your frustrations are coming from.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope
You would've had to sign it.
It's the law everywhere - the individual that actually had the birth (eg the mother) is the one who ultimately has to approve the information on the bc. This is why you will get "father unknown" on birth certificates, but NEVER "mother unknown".
I don't know what you are talking about. Certainly in states where there is a Baby Safe Haven law you are going to have birth cert's with "mother unknown" on them, even if rare.
The reason you sometimes get "father unknown" on birth certificates is not because the mother has the ultimate control, but because of a lack of her control. If she is unmarried, and the father refuses to acknowledge the baby by coming to the hospital or town hall to sign a parental acknowledgment form, the mother CANNOT list the father on the birth certificate. If the woman is married, the husband IS LISTED on the birth certificate unless he comes in and signs paperwork acknowledging that the child is not his child, when the mother will then list father as "unknown" unless the actual father comes in and then fills out the parental acknowledgement form. At least this is how it is done in Massachusetts.
Food for thought...We agreed on our son's name, but funny thing...we don't hardly use it.
I call him 'the boy,' and she says ' the bebe.'
Maybe when he is older, we will use his name more...dunno. But lots of people go by something other than their given name.
As for op's situation, nothing sits worse with me than a bait and switch.
That is totally lame dickery and I hope you have a beautiful girl.
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