The problem with teenagers (out of control, allowance, games, parents)

[mom4]

I have 2 teenage girls ages 15/17 and 2 small boys and they are very good kids. My oldest girl is a dancer for the high school band. She performs with other girls during the football games half time shows. My younger daughter is an art student involved with the art club. They are both A/B students and haven't been in any kind of trouble in or out of school, but the mouth has to go.....I cant understand why every issue has to be a debate. When my husband and I were kids if the parents said no or told us to do something that was the end of the story no questions asked. What happened in the last 30 years to change things. Now, I can try and blame the things they see on TV or the movies they watch or maybe its because we dont follow through on the grounding we give them. Sometimes I think its just more of a hassle for me to keep them grounded because if they are home driving me nuts I cant get any peace. They never disrespect anyone other than my husband and I. For example; today my daughter came to me and said her car needed gas (the car that we bought her as a gift with no contribution from her) I said you have your allowance use it towards gas and she said that she was saving for a trip that she is going on in 2 weeks and then she had the nerve to say "the next time you use my car could you contribute toward the gas" thats all I had to hear, first of all, her father and I pay for the gas each week with our money, I have only used her car 3 times since we bought it for her 3 months ago. We have not allowed her to get a job yet because between school classes which are mostly AP classes, her dance practices, and her 75 hours of community service she is doing for a school scholarship we thought it would be to much. I think that we are pretty good parents and we make our mistakes and learn from them along the way. I think we give our kids to much and dont ask for much in return. I listen to the girls talk about how other kids disrespect their teachers and thank god mine dont. When we were in school we would never even think of talking back to a teacher or any adult. The lack of respect from these kids is out of control. I like Pixieshmoo's remarks in another post about not smacking the crap out of our kids enough that was halarious!!! I remember when my younger daughter was in middle school she came home and told me that I couldnt smack her because that was child abuse and I could go to jail. I told her the peace I would get in jail would be well worth it. Parents are affraid to discipline their children or they are into the lets talk/time out thing. I believe in time out but sometimes that is not enough. A good smack gets the point accross quicker. My sister-in-law is into the talking thing and has brought her 3 children up with very much involvement in the church...... they are the worst kids out of all the grandchildren. We are trying a different approuch to parenting with our two younger sons.

[grammy164]

As the mother of 2 daughters, my heart goes out to you! I was so happy when those teenage years ended--and they will. Hang in there!

[mom4]

Im counting the days until 18!!!

[soapboxsallysmom]

As part of the reward for your patience (and not strangling the little darlings) you will live to see your daughters (and sons) have at least one child like themselves. God does have a sense of humor. And better still, they will start to sound just like you and be so shocked that history repeats itself....

On the negative side, be careful what you say to them....they will remember every word and never let you forget. However, they will get the same treatment from their kids...so I guess in some small way, what goes around comes around.

[ready2move]

Mom4, I feel your pain. I have an almost 19 son who knows everthing, but really knows nothing, he is so smart, but lacks common sense,
He's so independent, yet so needy, kind, yet so mean, sigh, the list goes on and on.....Ugh, boys, then they grow up to be men.

I love him dearly, but he exhausts me. He can hold his own in any discussion on anything, from poliltics to religion. He is a freshman in college now and even 400 miles away he can drive me crazy.

through high school We supplied his needs, he worked and supplied his wants.

I think it has to do with this generation of kids who have a feeling of entitlement. From early on we rationalized with them, giving them too many choices. They are connected with every gadget and never really have to wait for anything..... I believe that we have created kids that think of us as friends...and on the same level as them. sigh, I say ship em out at 13 and have return at 22 when they become human again.

Good luck!

[mom4]

my mom always said "I cant wait until you have kids just like you" I tell my kids the same thing it must be THE MOTHERS CURSE.

[RAINBOWWAVES]

For money, send them to work...the blood has to come from the nose to feel the pain. What kind of music do they listen to? It is a very huge influence.

[Steel Man]

An important thing to tell your teenager:

What goes around comes around.

Another one:

You reap what you sow.

[Birdie]

My youngest son(18) has alot to learn and I hate to say it,,,,, he's going to have to learn the hard way. Those are really the lessons' they remember! The opportunities my children grew up with and their choices I just shake my head. I would have given anything to have some of their opportunities!

[mom4]

Rainbowwaves,
they really dont listen to music that is so bad. They both like the old classical rock-n-roll and new things. They are not into rap music. Like I said they are both good kids but sometimes the mouth wont quit.
PS my daughter came to me last night and apologized about the smart comment she made about the gas for her car.