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How many times during your tenures as parents have you actually stopped to talk with your children to let them know that you're always available to talk to when they don't know what to do in life. For me, I never felt like I could talk to my parents about my orientation (and I was RIGHT, may I add!) You people spend your days doing nothing but directing your childrens' lives instead of guiding their lives! We're all free spirits; We need to make our own decisions. As for me, I would have been a lot better off mentally if my parents hadn't driven me to the side of a highway bridge from depression. I can just picture myself turning 20 beside a great person---Instead of turning 20 alone at work, the only place I find comfort in anymore. You're always right, parents? I guess I should just go out and find another girlfriend and make both of our lives miserable just so my parents' images are boosted in the community, right?
Well, I do feel bad that you have had to struggle like that. No, parents aren't always right. Being a parent is simply doing what you think is best for your children and it's all trial and error. We all make mistakes as children to our parents and parents to our children...no one's perfect. Although I personally am heterosexual, I am not "homophobic" either. I don't personally agree with it, however, that's me, it's not my business what other people do. Either I like you or don't like you and something like that is not what counts toward decision making for me. Do I want my children to be heterosexual? Sure, I want to be a grandmother some day. But should my children not choose that road, I would never make them feel like they were wrong, or unwanted or "different". My goals as a parent aren't to control my childrens' lives. My goal is to provide them with a safe, healthy, happy environment in which they can thrive and grow so that when they are older, hopefully from what I've taught them and from their own experiences, good and bad, they can make the wisest decisions on how to live their lives. And I mean that for work, friendships, relationships, parenting, family, whatever.....whatever my children choose to do with their lives, as long as it is within legal and moral limits (no stealing, killing, drugs, etc.), I will always be behind them and cheer them on. Actually, even if they did do illegal or immoral things, I'd still be there for them, I would just help them through whatever they needed to do to rectify it or move on, I'd simply just "be there" for them no matter what the extreme. I guess I am fortunate and it took me becoming a mom, losing my parents and a lot of growing up to realize that I did have a very open relationship with my parents, I could go to them with anything (I pretty much did, too) and I feel confident in saying that I have that with my children, they tell me things I sometimes wish they wouldn't LOL...I hope it continues that way, well forever, I suppose. I'm sorry you don't feel that way with your own parents. The only advice that I can give you is that yes, sometimes, we are selfish in what we want for our children because it "reflects" on us and the kind of job we did raising kids....however, all you need to know in life Scranton is that regardless of what preferences you have toward certain things, the best way you can reflect on your parents is to simply be the best person you can be and not let anyone ever make you feel like you are less of a person because of your decisions and not let anyone ever make you feel you are not worthy of something. No human being has that right to judge someone else....you should be proud of whatever kind of adult you choose to be, as long as you live your life safely, healthily and to the fullest that you can achieve. And I'm talking about your whole life in general....not your sexual preference (if someone doesn't like it, well, it's not really their business). Parents need to focus more on that fact that we were blessed with the physcial and emotional ability to bring another human being into this world and that that little person, even as he/she grows, should be cherished and praised and protected. As mothers, yes, that tiny person needed us to survive, but it isn't our right to raise that child, it is our honor and our privilege to be granted the ability to give birth (some women can't have children, how do you think they feel when they see a mother not giving proper love and affection) and our responsibility that was given to us (well, for me it was given to me by God, I don't know what everyone else believes). Because it isn't our "right" to be a mother (or a father) and it is an honor, than why should we feel we have the right to judge who or what our children become as adults???
Last edited by pixieshmoo; 09-22-2006 at 06:43 PM..
ScrantonWilkesBarre--I've read many of your posts on these forums. Seems to me you always try to be a real help to everyone. You sound to me to be very friendly, honest and compassionate. I can't imagine anyone not being very proud to have you for a son.
Yup, I'm from Northern NJ!!! My house was the same. We got the ear pullings too (it would usually be a "come here, what did I tell you? Didn't your mother/father say knock it off?" And the whole time, they'd be holding your ear and you'd just be waiting for that tearing sound to come. We also all got the "affectionate" cheek squeezing from the geezers in the family! Us too, we'd all be at my grandparents on sunday and we'd be screaming and yelling over each other all day...we still do it when we get together (of course, some of the family's gone now...). My husband is Irish and German and couldn't understand why I talked so loud when we first started dating. He would say "I'm right next to you, why are you yelling?" and I'd say "I'M NOT YELLING". And he'd argue that I was. I finally figured out that it was because I was used to being from a huge family whose rule was, if someone else is talking, instead of waiting your turn, just scream louder than them across the table to whoever is listening on the other side!!! So the first time he came to a family dinner (I think it was Easter), he literally sat there looking back and forth, up and down while we screamed around him. When we left, I said something like "well, can you believe uncle so and so said that to her and my cousin what's his name is dating that girl, and my father said to my brother...and my aunt yelled at my cousin...." and he wanted to know if I was so busy screaming myself, how I could understand all the other yelling and pick out which conversation went with which people. He hadn't made one bit of sense from the whole day. So I told him, you have to be born into it to understand it. For the rest of our lives, you will not figure it out, just go with it. So now, he'll just start yelling at anyone who will listen too (only they're usually busy yelling something else....My God, what a freak-show being Italian!)
By the way, he also wanted to know why I had so many Joe's, Michael's and Anthony's in my family and why all the girls had Marie as a middle name. I couldn't answer him other than explaining that to keep from getting confused, there were nicknames (i.e. Joe, Joseph, little Joey, Uncle Joe, big Joey, Anthony, Anthony/Blacky, Anthony/Sonny, Tony, Little Anthony, Anthony/Sonny's son anthony, Uncle Mike, Michael (a.ka. Mike), Michael (a.k.a. The Mexican 'cause he has black hair and a mustache and he's the shortest guy in our family), Michael the Third (to the old people but a.k.a. Little Michael to my generation)...it's like watching Goodfellas. Get this, we even have someone named Cousin Sister in my family! Don't ask, I think when they were little her sister used to call her "sister" and since it was my dad's cousin, my grandmother would say, we're going to see your Cousin Sister. So she's been Cousin Sister for about 60-something years (I actually don't even know her real name...I'm guessing it's Marie though).
And the other thing with Italian families....they don't save the beatings until you get home. You act up, you'll get beat in front of the whole family...in fact, half the family would probably beat you themselves!
Yea, we heard "Knock it off" I say it to my own kids. My husband and I are both Italian and we have many uncle, brother & cousins with the names of Joe, Sam, Anthony, Michael, and my daughters middle name is Marie and my 2 sons are Matthew Stephen and Stephen Michael. My other daughter we decided to give her a non catholic name just to be different. I miss the family gatherings since we no longer live up north but I have a lot of northern friends. I can always pick up on a Jersey/ Phily/ New York accent.
Yea, we heard "Knock it off" I say it to my own kids. My husband and I are both Italian and we have many uncle, brother & cousins with the names of Joe, Sam, Anthony, Michael, and my daughters middle name is Marie and my 2 sons are Matthew Stephen and Stephen Michael. My other daughter we decided to give her a non catholic name just to be different. I miss the family gatherings since we no longer live up north but I have a lot of northern friends. I can always pick up on a Jersey/ Phily/ New York accent.
That's a weird coincidence....those were some of the names we were considering giving the baby we just lost. I always wanted Matthew, but my husband thought he should be named after our dads especially since they're both deceased now. His dad was Stephen and mine was actually Charles (but my dad always warned me not to name any boys after him, he hated Charles and even Chuck, which is what everyone called him). But his middle name was Michael. I wanted Michael Stephen and my husband wanted Stephen Michael (of course, we both liked our own dads better LOL). Unfortunately we lost the baby during the pregnancy and my husband can't bare calling him by a name (it's just "my son" or "the baby") because it hurts too much. I wasn't far enough along where we had to name him and baptize him (thank God 'cause I don't think I could handle that) but we found out it was a boy when I miscarried, so I just say that he's my Matthew and we'll see him someday...in the meantime, I guess if we ever have another one, we'll fight again over the names.
CelticLady, i don't think you understood my statement and i surely don't understand yours....
Uh oh, now I'm lost. I thought we were discussing the issue of homosexuality. You mentioned something to the effect that procreation would cease to exist if everyone became homosexual. I said that I hoped you were kidding, and went on from there about my own personal opinions on the subject. Maybe we did misunderstand one another, although I didn't think so at the time. Not trying to start anything here, just threw in my two cents worth.
When I was a teen, I was working on my family's farm in northern Indiana. During the school week, I had to get up at 5:30AM to help dad feed/water livestock, had bowl of cereal, looked over the homework I had done and waited for the school bus to come. After school, again helped dad with livestock, ate supper, done homework and .......off to bed. Sometimes during the school year evenings I'd work on a 4-H Project. During the winter months, I'd have to do the "5:30AM" thing in zero degree weather.
During summer it was plowing, discing, planting, baling hay and showing livestock at 4-H Fairs.
Believe me, there was no time for myself or other farm kids to get into trouble. I know that not every family wants to be a "farm or ranch" family, but that type of life for myself as a teen was might great.
That's a weird coincidence....those were some of the names we were considering giving the baby we just lost. I always wanted Matthew, but my husband thought he should be named after our dads especially since they're both deceased now. His dad was Stephen and mine was actually Charles (but my dad always warned me not to name any boys after him, he hated Charles and even Chuck, which is what everyone called him). But his middle name was Michael. I wanted Michael Stephen and my husband wanted Stephen Michael (of course, we both liked our own dads better LOL). Unfortunately we lost the baby during the pregnancy and my husband can't bare calling him by a name (it's just "my son" or "the baby") because it hurts too much. I wasn't far enough along where we had to name him and baptize him (thank God 'cause I don't think I could handle that) but we found out it was a boy when I miscarried, so I just say that he's my Matthew and we'll see him someday...in the meantime, I guess if we ever have another one, we'll fight again over the names.
I am so sorry for your loss, i have had 3 miscarriages in between having my kids now, It is a real loss ,as some one told me that it wasnt since they werent born yet. I can understand how your husband feels, one of mine was stillborn and I had to name her, that was really tough. You will have another one and be blessed. BTW your family sounds great, wish mine was aslarge and into get togethers as yours are.
I to am from Irish and German families, we love ***** and Beer!!!
I am so sorry for your loss, i have had 3 miscarriages in between having my kids now, It is a real loss ,as some one told me that it wasnt since they werent born yet. I can understand how your husband feels, one of mine was stillborn and I had to name her, that was really tough. You will have another one and be blessed. BTW your family sounds great, wish mine was aslarge and into get togethers as yours are.
I to am from Irish and German families, we love ***** and Beer!!!
I am sooo sorry, 3, my God...that's tough. God bless you for surviving that (a stillborn) because I can't even imagine having been further along. I know people who have gone through that and I can't even imagine what they went through...I am so very sorry. We are going to try again within the next year I think (I'm scared though).
Thank you, my family is great, for the most part, although did you ever hear the saying "you can't pick your family"...we've got some of those thrown in there too...I guess everyone's family has some of those.
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I thought we were discussing the issue of homosexuality. You mentioned something to the effect that procreation would cease to exist if everyone became homosexual. I said that I hoped you were kidding, and went on from there about my own personal opinions on the subject. Maybe we did misunderstand one another, although I didn't think so at the time. Not trying to start anything here, just threw in my two cents worth.
Farm/Ranch Teen's
