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Its so funny to hear all the mothers talk of their experieces in raising children.
Its like we all have the same kids! I remember when my mother would chase my brother and I around the house with the wooden spoon. Although she rarely used it because we were smart enough to lock ourselves in our room.
You sound just like me I still remember when I was young. I also have two more to go. Maybe I will try something a little different.
I had my 18 year old when I was 17, you have to remember and basically come back at them with their own medicine, respond like a teenager, like you remember, it is harder to be a teenager these days, not like in the 80's when I grew up. I also have a 13 year old, so I have had lots of practice!!
Pixie, when you described your kids, I feel like I've know them my whole life. I think you just described every kid in America. I also don't believe in hitting either. When I was acting up as a child, all my father had to do was give me the look. My father never had to lay a finger on me. My mother on the other hand smacked me upside the head once in while because she didn't posses the look. With my father, the look still works today. Also my mother always reminds me that just because I'm 34 and I have children of my own it doesn't mean that she can't still slap me upside the head. Gosh, I love that woman so much.
It's funny you should say that because that's how my house was. My dad had the deep voice and you just didn't mess with that (all he had to say was "Don't make me angry" or something like that and we knocked off whatever we were doing) On the otherhand, my mom was little and she must've had that Napoleon complex of being small because her "beatings" went on forever. She'd yell at us, throw her shoe or book, miss us, smack us when she did get close enough (however many times as necessary to equal the crime) and then talk to herself for three more hours about us. ("Those **** kids, ungrateful, you're all ungrateful, I'd never talk to my mom like that......and she's got the nerve to answer me back, who does she think she's talking to that way?......I'd never answer my mother back....and stay out past curfew, don't they know how we worry....) You get the picture. And we'd all be listenening like "Oh, God, does she ever shut up!!!!!" And then if we said something, we got smacked. But luckily it was rare, I had awesome parents. And yes, their theory was, you're never too old to get smacked! They would also say things like "We brought you into this world, we'll take you right out!!!"
It's funny you should say that because that's how my house was. My dad had the deep voice and you just didn't mess with that (all he had to say was "Don't make me angry" or something like that and we knocked off whatever we were doing) On the otherhand, my mom was little and she must've had that Napoleon complex of being small because her "beatings" went on forever. She'd yell at us, throw her shoe or book, miss us, smack us when she did get close enough (however many times as necessary to equal the crime) and then talk to herself for three more hours about us. ("Those **** kids, ungrateful, you're all ungrateful, I'd never talk to my mom like that......and she's got the nerve to answer me back, who does she think she's talking to that way?......I'd never answer my mother back....and stay out past curfew, don't they know how we worry....) You get the picture. And we'd all be listenening like "Oh, God, does she ever shut up!!!!!" And then if we said something, we got smacked. But luckily it was rare, I had awesome parents. And yes, their theory was, you're never too old to get smacked! They would also say things like "We brought you into this world, we'll take you right out!!!"
thats so funny. Are you from the north. Ive only heard Northern people (NY&NJ) say the comment "We brought you into this world and we can take you out" Ive got another one "Do you like those teeth". My grandfather use to grab my brother by the ear and say "come here" when he did something wrong. I grew up in a loud Italian family and on Sundays the whole family would go over my grandparents for dinner. Everyone would be talking over each other. Those were the days...............
Reading these posts reminded me of a story that my husband told me about his grandpa. Seems that Uncle Ken, (grandpa's son) got a little uppity with his daddy as a young boy, and grandpa was going to tear up his backend. They were down in the basement, where the furnace was, and Uncle Ken got cute, and started running around the furnace to keep his daddy from getting his hands on him. Things were going well for the first few laps, until Uncle Ken made the fatal mistake of not minding exactly where his father was, and promptly ran straight into his back. Needless to say, it would be kinder to draw down the curtain at this moment...
Unfortunately, I hate to say it, but sometimes the parents are to blame for problems down the road. I'll speak to you here as a 19-year-old who has made his fair share of mistakes in life, but who has also been a victim of parents too concerned about their own "images" to care about the well-being of their own son.
Now, I know this is a controversial issue, being that some believe you are born with a particular sexual orientation, and some believe you inherit it from your environment (the old "nature vs. nurture" argument that has baffled psychologists for years), but I am a gay individual who grew up in your typical middle-class, suburban, Christian, Conservative household. Growing up I was always striving to compete with my sister for my parents' approval; Even humoring my dad and trying out for football at one point even though I had no interest in the sport whatsoever. However, it seemed as if whatever my sister and I did, we never received praise for the "good" things---Just disapproval for the negative things.
Eventually, my obsession to win over my parents' approval drove me to date a girl during my Junior year of high school at the same time that I was secretly talking online to an 18-year-old guy from the Poconos. I knew my parents wanted me to have a girlfriend, so to them I was finally "living up to their expectations." At the same time, my finances were becoming strained, draining my savings on two relationships at the same time! Since I felt so guilty for Tiffany, my girlfriend, since I knew deep down inside that she was starting to fall for me while I didn't have the same feelings for her, I would go to great lengths in buying her gifts and pampering her to overcompensate for my guilt and depression over what I was doing to her just to get my parents to stop nagging me. At the same time, I was having the time of my life with Ed, my boyfriend, the only guy I think I'll ever truly care about in life. While Tiffany and I did the typical "dinner and a movie" dates on a frequent basis, Ed and I would often surprise each other by going to different romantic destinations (all under my parents' noses may I add). The most romantic moment I ever shared was when I took Ed to a portion of the Appalachian Trail at the Delaware Water Gap in the Poconos that overlooked the river below from a cliff. It was at this point that Ed and I shared our first passionate kiss.
It was after this point that I knew I had to call things off with Tiffany, as it was becoming much too complicated to "juggle." She and I had a very long discussion, and it turns out that she had suspected something was awry because I had never made a romantic "move" on her (at an age when most guys would probably have their girlfriends pinned to the backseats of their cars!) We're still best friends to this day, and I respect her greatly for forgiving me for leading her on in a misguided attempt to make my parents love me. I think she just understood how difficult of a situation it was for me, the child of our church's council president, to be living in a home full of such pressure.
Eventually, after a year of a wonderful romance with Ed---One that included the two of us sketching designs together for our Pocono dream home in the future and discussing names for our adopted child, my parents finally caught on to my relationship with him. My father, a senior systems analyst, had no problem hacking into my e-mail account, and it was from there that my mother trailed my ex and I on two separate dates---One to the movies, and one for a sunset walk along the river....(To be continued)
That evening, I opened the front door to my parents sitting on the living room couch with the television off---I knew something was awry. I wasn't honestly prepared for the brutal onslaught of the next hour---An hour that still makes me shake to the core with both anger and grief when I think about it. I was instructed to sit on the loveseat, as my parents informed me that they knew about Ed. My heart sank. At first I thought that it would be like Hollywood (or even Massachusetts) where they'd say "We'll love you no matter what", but instead it turned into a barrage of terror. My dad told me explicitly that he wouldn't stand for any of that "****" in his **** house, and that I'd be out on my "***" if I didn't stop seeing Ed immediately. My father also said something that still hurts me "All of my colleagues stand around the water cooler at the office and talk about what great sons they have, and then there's you, and I have nothing to say." My mom was no saint either. "Don't you realize how bad you've made us look as parents if you're in public with him and people know you're our son? We didn't raise you like this!" The onslaught continued, until I finally blurted out, "You guys just don't get anything. Do you know how long I've wanted to kill myself?" My dad retorted "If death is what you want, then I'll take you out back and shoot you myself!"
I became very despondent after that. My parents and I didn't speak. I would space out and school and break down in tears for seemingly no reason, and nobody seemed to care. When Ed heard about what had happened to me, he took the cowardly way out and dumped me in an e-mail, saying he was "afraid of my father", leaving me to pick up the pieces on my own. It was also at this time that I was suspended from my job at the grocery store when my depression and anger mixed with an ongoing dispute with a co-worker. It was also at this point in time when my high school found "out" about me, and my life collapsed....
I wrote a suicide note and took a drive up to the Freedom Bridge along I-476. I pulled over, ascended the railing, and looked down upon the cars below on Routes 6 and 11. Just when I was about to jump, my cell phone, on my belt clip, rang, and I quickly checked down to see who was calling me---It was my friend, calling me to invite me over to her home to watch horror movies. This snapped me back into reality, and I got back into my car, and drove off. I stared death in the face at that moment, and it was only a jarring ringtone that spared me from taking the plunge and relieving the world from another one of its burdens.
That was nearly two years ago, and I'm now 19. My parents and I have never spoken about anything that happened, and I'm still alone, afraid to date for fear that history will repeat itself. As such, I often take long drives on my days off to clear my mind and have a good cry about the life I could have had with Ed that was destroyed due to the callousness of narrow-mindeed parents who cared more about what the world would think of them as parents vs. what truly made their son happiest in life. Ed is gone forever now, as is my respect for my parents.
All I know for sure is that while I put on a "happy-go-lucky" facade each day that I leave the coziness of our housing development to face the outside world, deep down inside I'm really still in deep pain. In a few weeks, the two year anniversary of Ed leaving me and the "fallout" with my parents will officially be here, which I'm sure will dig up more hurtful memories for me. My birthday used to be a day I celebrated, but now it's just a grim reminded of when I started having a sour taste in my mouth for my parents and when I lost the only one who would ever look past my ugliness to love me for who I am.
So, parents, you think you're always right, huh? Tell that to the 19-year-old who spends hours on end talking to indecisive middle-aged people on a relocation forum to escape the reality of an empty life created when the hole opened up beneath rock bottom. I used to wake up everyday and thank God for being so happy in life---A good relationship with my parents, popularity in school, stellar grades, a true Cassanova to call my own, and perfect health. Now, all I can do is pine for everything I lost through no fault of my own and count down the days until the plug is pulled.
How many times during your tenures as parents have you actually stopped to talk with your children to let them know that you're always available to talk to when they don't know what to do in life. For me, I never felt like I could talk to my parents about my orientation (and I was RIGHT, may I add!) You people spend your days doing nothing but directing your childrens' lives instead of guiding their lives! We're all free spirits; We need to make our own decisions. As for me, I would have been a lot better off mentally if my parents hadn't driven me to the side of a highway bridge from depression. I can just picture myself turning 20 beside a great person---Instead of turning 20 alone at work, the only place I find comfort in anymore. You're always right, parents? I guess I should just go out and find another girlfriend and make both of our lives miserable just so my parents' images are boosted in the community, right?
hey, remember me? I called you a troll. lol....Sorry about that. Ummm how to I begin this post?....
Well, to say the least, I'm moved. Speechless, stunned, shocked, angry, sad, and I am experiencing a few more emotions but I already packed away my theasaurus so I can't find the words.. sorry.
Your post just blew me away.
I am a parent. Mother of sons. Your words will stay with me a lifetime. I applaude you. I am so sorry this happened to you. I read your words and felt the anger & pain. It made me sad. Very sad.
Paul, you sound like a pretty decent guy. I've read many of your posts. I'm so very sorry your parents have treated you badly. Believe it or not, you made a difference tonight. With one parent. Thank you for writing from your heart.
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