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My husband and I used to have this conversation. If one spouse did want a baby (whether it's the first or tenth) and the other spouse DID NOT, we both felt that you should default to the spouse who does not want a baby.
After all, why would you want to have a child with an unwilling parent?
If she is so casually throwing "divorce" around, then lay down an ultimatum of your own and say you won't go forward without counseling, and perhaps she can begin to get help that way. But she does need to see her MD. Based on what you've described, I'm betting she won't agree.
I think there is a good chance your wife is trying to replace the baby that was miscarried. I think therapy could help her see WHY she wants another. At 38, with a rocky marriage and 4 kids already, and a husband who doesn't want another, it makes no sense to try for a 5th.
I don't want another child, BUT I DO want my wife and family. She wants another child and if she can't convince me, then she DOESN'T want me or our family as it is today.
Not that I can speak for my wife, but she would claim it's not just the miscarriage why she wants to do this. Claiming as she started to feel happy about having another baby that her body is just telling her she's not done. She's also attempted to flip it at me and state that by me not wanting a 5th child that I'm deciding I don't want this marriage anymore. This is far from the truth. Our marriage isn't perfect and she is consumed by taking care of the kids and the house, but to look at it all and say 'yeah you should be divorced' just doesn't add up.
She's not thinking clearly. She's hormonal or she's depressed. It just doesn't make any sense. I wouldn't let the marriage go without a fight. No divorce without going to therapy first!
Catholic! Typing this on my iPhone and it must have auto-corrected a typo to cathonic.
One more mouth to feed is one too many. I already bust my ass to keep us where we are. I already told her I wouldn't go through with a divorce until we went through counseling. She may or may not go through with that. She mentioned if it starts swaying her decision that she wouldn't continue. I want to be open minded, even on the 5th child I'm dead set on not having.
It really sucks around here now. Such a world of difference from just a week ago. I swear I love my wife and the life we've built, ups and downs an all.
Hopefully the counseling will help us both. Before we got married over 11 years ago couples counseling only caused more arguing and seem to make it worse. Hopefully not this time, we both can be pretty stubborn.
I think it is hard for some women to quit. I had four kids, our last was at age 35 and with quite a few complications - and my husband said enough. I respected his wishes, but didn't really come around for quite some time - it took me maybe a year after that. I think sometimes when you are in "baby mode" it is hard to accept that it is over, and especially after a loss, I think it would be even harder. I think she may need some counseling to get over it, some extra support from you and some reinforcement about the babies she already has...sounds like she is just very upset over the baby that could've added to your family. Hope it works out for you two.
You won't get divorced. She doesn't really want that she just feels backed into a corner and that is all the amo she has since she's a stay at home mom. Believe me it's hard to stay at home and have nothing but kids. She can't see it right now but she needs a job aside from the kids. Maybe a home job of some sort, she is only use to being a baby machine. Sometimes moms need to be shown they do more than pop out puppies. Don't take her divorce threat seriously, you getting to freaked out about that might make things worse. Of course she is hormonal, it takes a while for that to straighten out. Try and suggest selling on ebay or something she can do from home, so you can afford more kids. I bet if she gets some self worth back she won't define herself as a baby machine anymore and will drop the thought.
When I just stayed home with all the kids I was miserable and didn't know why. I started a business from home and finally understood that we all need something other than just our kids and spouse. We need a little more to life or else we just try and manipulate others around us, that is all we've got. It gets weird, she needs more to do but you and the kids I think.
This is just a suggestion though and clearly just my opinion. I don't think she means divorce for real, it's just the only playing card she has. She obviously feels trapped and doesn't know why. Us woman are a bit strange. CHin up!
Catholic! Typing this on my iPhone and it must have auto-corrected a typo to cathonic.
One more mouth to feed is one too many. I already bust my ass to keep us where we are. I already told her I wouldn't go through with a divorce until we went through counseling. She may or may not go through with that. She mentioned if it starts swaying her decision that she wouldn't continue. I want to be open minded, even on the 5th child I'm dead set on not having.
It really sucks around here now. Such a world of difference from just a week ago. I swear I love my wife and the life we've built, ups and downs an all.
Hopefully the counseling will help us both. Before we got married over 11 years ago couples counseling only caused more arguing and seem to make it worse. Hopefully not this time, we both can be pretty stubborn.
Don't even think about divorcing with four kids.
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CHin up!
