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I had used to live up north in Michigan. The job, or pay and living, weren't the greatest but we were getting by. Unfortunately I had to move, but in the end living will be much better, as the up coming job is now going to be 3x better than my previous one.
I'm getting some help with my parents. While the job is coming, it's getting pushed back more and more. I was told I'd get it by the beginning of the year, but now it's almost February, and I just got another emailing saying the hire date is pushed back again. I was working, but I quit because I was told that next week I'd start working at the better job, this was two weeks ago.
My daughter is a sweet little girl. She's very smart, loving, and down to earth. She's also very troublesome. I've seen her in good states, but most of the time she's terrible. She gets into things without asking, she does things after being told multiple times not to do it. She also has extreme amount of energy, where even at bed time she does a lot of running around and it's difficult to get her to settle down.
Here's the dilemma;
I'm living with my dad right now, just until my job starts up, or a few months later. Now, my dad has his problems, he has extreme anger issues. While we can talk most of the time about things, but if he doesn't like something done his way, he will get frustrated and get angry. My daughter, being how she is, get's the broad end of it. He has never raised a hand to hit her, except for bonking her on the head, because she does things without thinking. However, we do tend to yell at her quite a bit. We've told her multiple times to clean her room, she won't do it. We've tried multiple ways of getting her to do the things she needs to do, but after a week or two, we need to rethink a better strategy.
Now my mom has entered and also helped me out a lot. She has helped me with giving me gas and travel money, and with a custody battle incoming, has also payed for a lawyer. We agreed that when I get this job, I'll pay her back all the money. She wants me to move in with her, due to my father's anger issues and with the custody battle, she doesn't want to give my daughter's mother any other type of fuel to change custody. Her place is also better than my dad's; she lives in a house with more room available for both of us to use and sleep in. My dad lives in an apartment, but we also get our own rooms. On the flip side, she has two kids, too. One is 14, a girl they adopted, and a half-brother 11 or 12 I think. These kids don't want her there at all. They're very rude to her, and change the rules to better themselves. They also tend to get away with things that I would normally give my daughter trouble for. Basically, the situation is unfair to my daughter.
Now the situation is stressful. I can either stay with my dad but have the chance that he'll take his anger out on us (her) or worse. I can move in with my mom, but she won't be allowed to do things the other kids can do, and usually flaunt, and won't be a great living situation for her as the only person who truly wants her there is my mom.
Just a thought, but not do what may be the best for your daughter and not put either of you in either situation? Maybe get small rental for just you two. Are you getting any child support? Have any money in savings, something to tide you over until this job kicks in? What is the reason this job keeps being pushed back? Can you go back to your old job?
It sounds as though your mother is aware of issues living with your father have caused, but I wonder if he is. Have you discussed how his temper concerns you? If he wants to have you remain with him, perhaps he will be willing to work on that. Also, there is nothing wrong with making your mother aware of why you are reluctant to move in with her.
I'd go with whichever parent seems more willing to deal with the various problems you mention.
The kids age would be a big help, but I agree with the general idea that dealing with obnoxious kids is better then dealing with huge anger issues. Based on the limited details, I would pick living with mom and suck it up until you can get back out on your own. All it's going to take is dad going one step too far and you can kiss custody goodbye.
Stay with your Dad. I don't know the whole situation, but I do know family dynamics. The less people the better. Just keep your daughter away from him, so she does not drive him crazy. The other situation with the other kids, sounds like bad news to me. Sometimes, you just have to pick between two choices you don't like, go with the one you think is the going to be a bit better...
My daughter is a sweet little girl. She's also very troublesome. I've seen her in good states, but most of the time she's terrible. She gets into things without asking, she does things after being told multiple times not to do it. She also has extreme amount of energy, where even at bed time she does a lot of running around and it's difficult to get her to settle down.
Now, my dad has his problems, he has extreme anger issues. While we can talk most of the time about things, but if he doesn't like something done his way, he will get frustrated and get angry. My daughter, being how she is, get's the broad end of it. He has never raised a hand to hit her, except for bonking her on the head, because she does things without thinking.
There's your problem.
I'm not excusing your dad, because he shouldn't be bonking her on the head, but your daughter is running around, causing problems, getting into things. HIS things. The fact that she does things without thinking and is uncontrollable probably makes him NUTS.
If you can't figure out a way to control your daughter, I'd go with Mom's house. Wish you'd said how old she is.
(I'd also work on getting her to "settle down". Or find out why she's acting up so much. This will always be a problem if she doesn't learn how to behave/control herself.)
I'm thinking the daughter is little (under 8) based on the bedtime reference etc.
So the chance that dear ol Dad will be asked to babysit probably will come up often once the job comes into play. Not the best situation for either one of them.
So the chance is that this little girl will face at least verbal abuse regardless of which situation she's placed in. Take my word for it, resentful teens can wreak as much havoc on a kid's innocence as an angry adult.
Without more info, I would vote for the mom's place because at least she seems to care for the little girl and hopefully would step in to create a healthy dynamic in her own home.
But if you can read up on establishing bedtime routines and simple discipline techniques so your daughter won't be so wound up and "get into everything," it would help everyone. Easy stuff like no sweets after 7 p.m., take a bath, turn off TV and read to her 20 minutes before bedtime etc. That helps a kid settle down and get ready for SLEEP, which helps her behavior the next day.
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