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I'm baffled! My 10 year old has no official diagnosis but he's certainly a little different. I think. Well that is the main problem. i don't know for certain.
He's never really had a best friend. He's never been invited to sleep overs et cetera. He does not seem to be complete social outcast as he is generally eager to go to school. He's also on a year round athletic team and is eager to go to practices and events with the team. But no one calls or emails or reaches out.
He will come home and describe how people are calling him "annoying." They are even going so far as to call him "idiot" and even worse. Yet, my son continues to go back to them day after day and seek them out. There are plenty of other kids he could associate with-- but he chooses these kids to try to be friends with. I suppose he thinks they are "cool." But why would you day after day go try to hang with the cool kids if they just continually shunned you?
If it's just boys being boys, then why does my son feel like he has to come home from school every day or practice every night and tell me who called him an idiot---and annoying and who said go away...
He is fiercely competitive. He talks much much more than he listens. I'll be honest-- he's not an easy going type (whereas his brother is). Is it normal for a 10 year old boy to STILL not find a niche? And is it normal for them to keep going back to the same people over and over again-- that are being mean? And is it normal for him to keep telling his mother day after day? I'm to the point where I would rather not hear it. If it's bothering him he should walk away and find new people to "hang with."
I just read the post about the socially awkward child. Mine is sort is also awkward but actually does want friends. He keeps trying and trying and trying with the same cliques. And either he is getting a brick wall always-- or it's just boys being boys and he doesn't understand. At this point-- I can't intervene if I don't really understand what is going on? I think if I were in his position and some kids were calling me names-- I'd go play with someone else (he does go to a small school but there are kids that he could play with that are fine, nice, boys--- ditto for his team).
In my opinion at that age if they are struggling socially I would create more social opportunities for him. Middle school is just around the corner, and that's when the real difficulties arise.
Does he get invited to Birthday parties? Do kids come to his Birthday party?
Why don't you encourage him to ask kids over to your house for a play-date or sleep-over? Look for different activities for him to join where there may be more like-minded kids.
All kids want to be accepted by the so called "popular" kids. I don't get it, and never will, but this is how the social circles work, unfortunatly. Does he have any kids in his class that he can hang out with?
When we moved, my daughter felt very left out in her new school. I asked her to get the phone numbers to the 1 or 2 kids in her class she felt the most comfortable with so we could schedule "play dates" (I hate that term) but that really helped. Once she became close with a couple the rest followed suit.
I definitely agree that you can try to create more social opportunities for him.
Also, you said he is a little different. Maybe he doesn't pick up on social cues that easily and just needs a little more practice to understand how to be a good friend. I used to volunteer in a 4th grade class (9-10 years old). In general children that age tend to be pretty accepting, but there were occasionally kids who got labeled as "annoying" by their peers. Usually it was a matter of not understanding social cues. One kid was an outcast because he was constantly talking, poking the people next to him with pencils, bouncing around in his seat, etc.
I would also suggest just finding some new people to befriend! If certain people have rejected him, he is unlikely to win them over by continually going back. Sometimes people end up being very clique-y and you have to look elsewhere for good friends.
All great points. Thank you! Yes, i do need to be better about creating opportunities for him and setting him for success with friendship. The hurdle in that regard is that he only wants to "play" with these "cool kids" (the ones from school or the ones from the team). At school there are at least 5 other boys that I know of that he could potentially really become friends with. But HE doesn't want them. I've suggested inviting so and so over-- but that is not who he is interested in. Likewise on his team-- there are probably 10 other kids (this team is 30 plus kids and they interact with each other 4-5 times a week)- that would be great. But he really just wants the "popular" kids. Yet- its these "cool popular" kids that are calling him names and telling him to go away??? So I think you all are right-- I have to find another social outlet that will provide a whole new crop.
Regarding begin labelled as annoying-- He does talk alot-- probably too much. I wouldn't say he bounces around or pokes at people-- he gets great grades et cetera. But I think there are social cues missing. Right? Clearly it must be something for him to have this much trouble finding solid friendships?
Regarding begin labelled as annoying-- He does talk alot-- probably too much. I wouldn't say he bounces around or pokes at people-- he gets great grades et cetera. But I think there are social cues missing. Right? Clearly it must be something for him to have this much trouble finding solid friendships?
If he cannot read the social cues that people are not interested in what he is talking about, you may want to look into getting him evaluated. Watch this video of parenthood paying attention to the way Max acts and how he has to explicitly learn how to apologize, for example. Max, of course, has asperger's syndrome. The portrayal is excellent though not every kid with AS is like Max.
Regarding begin labelled as annoying-- He does talk alot-- probably too much. I wouldn't say he bounces around or pokes at people-- he gets great grades et cetera. But I think there are social cues missing. Right? Clearly it must be something for him to have this much trouble finding solid friendships?
My son just turned 11, I think the majority of boys this age are very much like this. The few that are a bit more socially mature are the alpha's. I took my son a while to realize that these kids weren't the greatest friends to have anyway, but once he did he just ignored them.
My son is 9 and I would say he doesn't really like to have kids over. He's always been more interested in his stuff...as soon as he comes home, it's legos, his robotics, his video games. I did go to school and had kids run up to me and tell me they are his "best" friend, which makes me laugh, as I'll ask my son about it later and he just shrugs and says "Eh, they're ok". He's quiet and just doesn't seem into being friends much, except for his one little best friend. I think 4th grade boys...at least mine...just have different things on their minds.
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