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I read with interest the posts about the children with ADHD and.or Aspergers. It's possible my son could fit in there somewhere. He seems to have a lot of insight into so many things that I've discounted the possiblity. But then in other areas, he clearly does not "get" some of the most basic things such as really not listening well to others. Sometimes, when he gets going, he can really be a one sided, fast paced talker and I can see how other kids may feel like he is "too much," because I sometimes get the same feeling. He's not mastered the "art" of true conversation. Whether or not that comes with a diagnosis I don't know. At other times-- he can really understand what others are saying...he understands when I'm being sarcastic et cetera..
I understand what you are saying here. Just keep in mind that some of us are just a little "socially awkward" and that's that!
I was in your son's position, in that I was an outcast. I was a weird 10 year old boy, and it has not changed in the following 11 in years. I was also a long term bullying victim (1st through 12th grade intermittently). Elementary school bullying is one of the most insidious forms. At first, that seems strange to posit. However, establishing that you're not the alpha, beta, delta, epsilon, or any Greek letter for that matter, but the bottom b***h of the grade at such an early age is extraordinarily damaging. The compounding in successive years does not help.
If I ever had a son like myself (a possibility given the partially congenital nature of personalities), I don't know what I'd say. It would break my heart if my best advice would be to suffer and learn mixed-martial arts.
You know your son better than I do. He could be progressing at a slower, but normal rate. He could be quirky. Or he could have an actual disorder. Trust your motherly instinct and act accordingly. Also, act before middle school so he can have a shot at a normal teenage experience.
I think all the kids at that age call each other names, even when they're friends. Instead of worrying about him figuring out that he doesn't belong with the popular kids, this might be a good time to teach him to deal with name-callers on his own. This is what my 9 year old taught my 6 year old: when a kid calls you a name, call them one right back...and if the other kid tattles on you, deny everything. Don't tell the teachers because they don't want to hear about it, don't tell the parents because they can't do anything about it.
It would be nice if our kids didn't have to deal with things like this, but it's so common that I don't think it's a sign of not fitting in.
About having friends to play with, you have to network with the other parents for that. Tell your son to get his friends' phone numbers so he can invite the other kids over, exchange email addresses with his friends parents, etc. It's probably not that no one likes him, but that the kids are all busy with after school activities and sports and homework, and on the weekend the parents are busy. You've got to schedule play dates, because they don't happen otherwise. One word of caution though, if you're a full-time mom and the mom of the other child works, be careful that you don't become a free babysitter...I've had that happen before and it's hard to get out of that without hurt feelings.
Yes, some kids actually like the name-calling, and it's very possible the OP's little boy is doing some name-calling himself. Especially with boys, there can be a lot of back and forth silly stuff, and if he doesn't seem withdrawn or sad then most likely he's fine.
In fact with boys, often they show affection by name calling, it's just their way of interacting. Even grown men often use insults and name-calling as a way of bonding.
My son didn't WANT friends when he was young. He didn't like going anywhere and was uncomfortable when other kids were here for very long. He deid always had someome at school to talk to during lunch and recess though, and he preferred the company of his online guild when when he was a young teen. I worried about him but when he hit high school that all changed and he became extremely social. He isn't annoying at all, he is reserved, polite, a good conversationalist...and has a biting sense of humor once he knows his audience! Late bloomer I guess. I'm still an introvert and don't like being around people too much, but you wouldn't know it if you met me.
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