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Last week when it was really hot here (over a 100 F) , my son and I went to the store to buy some ice cream. There were only one register and it was moving real slow. My son suddenly gets this frustrated look on his face and walks up and down the line of people and says out load
"whats taking so long, they are so slooow"..It was embarrassing to me but the guy behind us was laughing.
My husband told me that when he was 3 years old, this was back in 1976, he was with his mom at the grocery store. Behind them in line stood a black man. The only black man in town. My husband had never seen a person with brown skin before so he gets all excited and points at the man and says
" Look mom! The chocolate man"
My now mother in law told me that she has never been so embarrassed. She excused her self and left the store in a hurry.
Toddler daughter was learning to tell the time, so husband took her to go buy a big wall clock for her room. They go to Walmart but can only see digital clocks/ small alarm clocks, so husband asks the teenage sales girl where the wall clocks with hands are, and explains why. Sales girl says "why can't she just use her cell to tell time?" and toddler daughter looks at husband and, loudly, says: "Daddy, is she stupid?"
My daughter recently potty trained. As a reward, she got to go on an afternoon out with dad and to buy Minnie Mouse panties. My husband decided to have her pick out the panties first and then do the grocery shopping. So for the next half hour, every time there was someone else in the aisle with them, she'd wave her 6 pack of panties and shout: "I got Minnie panties, because I am a big girl and to pee and poop on the potty!" in the loudest voice possible. Husband says I get to do the "reward" trip with the next child
When I was a teenager some 25 years ago in Ireland, my class mate was black- very unusual at the time, We all did work experience for school, she did hers in a kindergarten. The kids asked if her dad was Bill Cosby, because that's the only black family they'd ever seen.
My boy likes well endowed women. We went to visit a friend I hadn't seen for a while who is very "gifted" in that department, and I was holding boy- about 2 at the time- in my arms. As I greeted her, boy dived out of my arms and into her chest, yelling at the top of his lungs: "Boobs!". Fortunately friend laughed.
When my son was about 2 or 3 I was food shopping with him and he was being particulary whiney, I had a pack of Oreos in my shopping cart and in an effort to quite him down I opened it up and gave him two. Ofcourse, this was a terrible idea because a minute later the cookies were gone and his face was COVERED in black crumbs. So I start wiping them off his face and I licked my fingers at one point to help get some off, he screams at the top of his lungs "MOMMY STOP EATING MY BOOGERS!!!"
When my son was about 2 or 3 I was food shopping with him and he was being particulary whiney, I had a pack of Oreos in my shopping cart and in an effort to quite him down I opened it up and gave him two. Ofcourse, this was a terrible idea because a minute later the cookies were gone and his face was COVERED in black crumbs. So I start wiping them off his face and I licked my fingers at one point to help get some off, he screams at the top of his lungs "MOMMY STOP EATING MY BOOGERS!!!"
Toddler daughter was learning to tell the time, so husband took her to go buy a big wall clock for her room. They go to Walmart but can only see digital clocks/ small alarm clocks, so husband asks the teenage sales girl where the wall clocks with hands are, and explains why. Sales girl says "why can't she just use her cell to tell time?" and toddler daughter looks at husband and, loudly, says: "Daddy, is she stupid?"
My daughter recently potty trained. As a reward, she got to go on an afternoon out with dad and to buy Minnie Mouse panties. My husband decided to have her pick out the panties first and then do the grocery shopping. So for the next half hour, every time there was someone else in the aisle with them, she'd wave her 6 pack of panties and shout: "I got Minnie panties, because I am a big girl and to pee and poop on the potty!" in the loudest voice possible. Husband says I get to do the "reward" trip with the next child
When I was a teenager some 25 years ago in Ireland, my class mate was black- very unusual at the time, We all did work experience for school, she did hers in a kindergarten. The kids asked if her dad was Bill Cosby, because that's the only black family they'd ever seen.
My boy likes well endowed women. We went to visit a friend I hadn't seen for a while who is very "gifted" in that department, and I was holding boy- about 2 at the time- in my arms. As I greeted her, boy dived out of my arms and into her chest, yelling at the top of his lungs: "Boobs!". Fortunately friend laughed.
She sure was right about the teenage sales girl. lol
My son was about three or four and I took him to Safeway.
He saw a woman with long hair, down past her waist.
He ran up to her and said "Excuse me! Excuse me!"
She looked at him and said "Sure what do you need?"
He asked if he could ask her a question.
When she said sure, he proceeded to ask her "When you go to the bathroom, do you poop on your hair?"
She replied "No, I move it out of the way!"
He just said, OK, then turned around and in the same breath asked if me if we could get some Cheerios.
I was embarrased as heck, but she just laughed it off, saying it was cute.
Another time My wife and son and I went to Safeway with my friend Glenn.
We were buying a big "tube" of balogna for fishin' trip sammich makin's...
Glenn laughed and said "When I was in the navy we called that stuff "Horse *kawck*".
I don't think he realized my son was absorbing all of this.
When we got up to the register, my son decided to announce loudly "MY DADDY HAS A BIG HORSE *kawck*!"
You could have heard a pin drop. Absolute silence from everyone around us. Then laughter.
My wife was absolutely mortified.
Glenn and I couldn't stop laughing long enough to explain what was so funny to anyone!
When my son was smaller we were in walmart getting ready to check out and I quietly passed gas and didn't quite get excuse me out yet and he starts yelling at the top of his lungs-Mommy, you farrrted, you need to say scuse me, you farted, on and on for a couple minutes. I ran out so fast, I was so embaressed!
And heres my favorite funny email ever-I think it falls perfectly into this category:
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we are in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned-3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked. There have been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco.
Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the restroom. If you'd been one of the ladies in the restroom that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall:
''Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy, what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?''
At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity.
Cade continued: ''Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats a good girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh...Mommy! I'm trying to see In dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!''
I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming new born when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, ''Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy. We'll both have some!''
''No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies...Oh! Mommy!'' He started to gag at this point.''Uh - oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!''
As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall.. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone.
''Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!'' He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. ''Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door? What were you wooking at? Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?''
More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation. ''Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'' He started pounding on the door. ''Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!''
I saw that my wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud.
My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy? But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
My husband went to the store with our daughter when she was learning to talk. The moment the walk inside they see helium balloons in the shape of frogs by the checkout counter. She very loudly screamed the F-word "f @ c k"...everybody looked at my husband as if "what kind of a parent would teach a little baby the F-word." He had to apologize and tell her to use the rrrrrrr frrrog.
Back a coupel years ago, my nephew (then 4) was big on the VW commerical, where you yell the color of a VW you see and punch someone. Well, he was taught not to punch, but he would yell out "yellow!" or "red!", etc. whenever he saw one.
So his parents took them to a fast food place, it was summer and the car windows were down. All of a sudden my nephew yells out, window open and all, loudly "BLACK!". He meant a VW, but there just happened to be a colored man standing close by who heard him.
My SIL said she had never been SO embarrassed, even though he was talking about the car.
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