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I have 3 kids - ages 10, 14, & 17 and I want a baby! It's crazy because I obviously have enough kids to take care of. I'm divorced but this feeling started when .......
at first I was like "no way do I want another kid at this point in my life/career". But now I find myself wanting one! ....
.....
there are some very fascinating and insigntful postings in that thread. insightful for a guy anyway as they give a glimpse into that secret and unexplainable world of women.
I wonder how womens feelings change through the various phases of their life and mariage.
What are the different phases you went through?
Attracting your husband - what did you feel & do?
Once you were married - did things stay the same or change?
And in the context of this thread, how did you feel?
When the first kid arrived, how did things go. How did you feel?
As life progressed?
Did you make an effort for your husband?.
What did you do and how did you feel?
Did you feel that he was making an effort for you?
Or did you just drift apart
or what.
I wonder why no one has responded to this? It's pretty interesting to think about, really. I answered most of your questions in that other thread, though, I'm pretty sure.
I'm having a difficult time following the train of thought, a bit. And yes, some of it is just TMI.
But in general, I'd say that marriage is an effort, not something that just happens, and there are ebbs and flows of emotion (I would assume on the part of both parties). Sometimes you're just amazed that this person really likes you enough to put up with all the insanity, and sometimes he's breathing too loud and you're mentally inventorying the sharp instruments available. That's when "fake it 'til you make it" is a really good life motto.
I'll give you an illustration or two from The Lives of Mr. and Mrs. Aconite:
As you might have noticed, the economy has affected a few of us. This Christmas was (once again) a bit tight, especially since our car was exhibiting the automotive version of Cheyne-Stokes breathing. We'd been back and forth about what sort of vehicle with which to replace it, and I told dh that if he'd cave, he could tell everyone he bought me a <insert make of vehicle> for Christmas. So we went with that.
Yesterday Smallest and I were running errands, and it occurred to both of us how lovely it was having that hatchback to load groceries and things into. So I left a message on his voicemail telling him I appreciated very much that he worked so hard to supply us with things like hatchbacks and trips to Target for office supplies.
It didn't take much time or effort on my part to do that. But since he's an old-fashioned kinda guy with a very strong sense of identity as Manly Provider Guy, it made his day.
Sometimes he still brings me flowers, and makes a point of getting the ones that smell really good.
Little stuff, bay-bee. It means "you're not furniture".
I agree that some of the answers, from my perspective as a man on my own marriage, are a little too personal. What I will say is that marriage is not a singular event or state of being, it is a process and more akin to an investment. People know you need to put $x in the 401k every paycheck and when you go to retire you will have say, a million dollars. Marriages are kind of the same thing. If you want the million dollar marriage you need to invest in it regularly.
The investment in marriage comes in the form of time, emotion, patience and understanding. When you stop wanting to invest these things into your marriage, you will never have the "million dollar" marriage, just like the person who decides they'd rather have that $100 a paycheck in their hand to spend on something random will never have the million dollars in their 401k when they retire.
Sometimes you can forget to invest for a while and you need to play catch-up. That catch-up can be painful and can take an extreme effort, but it is worth it in the long run. Sometimes, though, we forget to invest for so long, that we can't ever catch-up and not only will you never have the "million dollars", you start questioning why bother investing at all.
Sometimes too, we realize that we are investing in the wrong fund and no matter how much we put into it, it will never give us the million dollars. Better to realize this early and withdrawal in the most amicable way possible. Just realize that unlike 401k's, there's no way to "roll over" your investment and your going to have money in that fund for the rest of your life.
My advice, invest early and invest often. If you find yourself falling behind, take the time to re-prioritize and catch-up before it's too late. If you realize you are investing in the wrong fund, best to end it as peacefully as possible.
PS...unlike your 401k never "invest" in more than one "fund" at anytime.
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