Young adults aren't making it... Nature or Nurture? (teens, baby, games)
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I've asked this question before in other forums from the "Nature" perspective and generally am told the reason kids just don't seem to grow up is because of the economy, difficulty in getting a good job, ect.
But I wonder if the problem is really rooted the "Nurture" part of the equation. Is it possible that all the overprotective, anxious and/or "helicopter parenting" that is so common today grows young adults that don't have the ability (or even desire) to be independent?
I was thinking about this after a converstation with my wife about how things are not like when we were kids (not too long ago, in the 80's and 90's); she argued it's just too dangerous to raise kids today like we were raised. I got to thinking... Is it really that more dangerous? Crime rates have been declining for years, safety equipment is much improved and if anything, child saftey has gone too far in the "safe to the point it's boring" direction. My poor kids... playgrounds these days would have made me yawn. I remember playing in a park that had a retired tank and airplane parked in the playground; my kids today get a 6 ft tall soft plastic slide, 100% rounded edges, rubberized ground cover and NO imagination or adrenaline stimulation. No wonder they don't ever want to go to the park.
No one seems to let their kids just wander or explore; all my kid's friends have parents that will only allow them to do supervised "playdates", kids are given cellphones but still not allowed out their parent's sight and video games seem to be the preferred activity.
So, by trying to keep our kids safe have we unwittingly created a generation of dependant adults that can't go it on their own? whatdayathink?
I've asked this question before in other forums from the "Nature" perspective and generally am told the reason kids just don't seem to grow up is because of the economy, difficulty in getting a good job, ect.
But I wonder if the problem is really rooted the "Nurture" part of the equation. Is it possible that all the overprotective, anxious and/or "helicopter parenting" that is so common today grows young adults that don't have the ability (or even desire) to be independent?
Good question. I compare my 19 year old son's life with my own at his age. I see some pluses and some minuses. It was pretty much assumed when I grew up that I would leave home at eighteen and go to college. Because of the cost involved, my nineteen year old lives with us and commutes to school. It was assumed I would work part time while I was in college. My nineteen year old son doesn't work because jobs are less available right now and because the pressure to succeed in school and get good grades is more than it was when I went.
It was assumed when I went places, I would drive myself in my own car. My son rides mass transit now because it is available and cheaper. This is a not a bad thing at all. However, even a small act like this makes a young person less independent.
I am something of a helicopter parent and I admit it. I realize though that we need to stop "hovering" though and let him move on a bit with his life. Its incredibly difficult for my wife and I to do, but I think we are moving in that direction.
There are a host of reasons why young people today tend to be less independent than my generation was. Some of it is good. Some of it is bad.
So, by trying to keep our kids safe have we unwittingly created a generation of dependant adults that can't go it on their own? whatdayathink?
I think there are a few bad apples that give the others a bad name.
I have a 26 year old and a 24 year old.
They are in no way dependent "adults that can't go it on their own".
They are employed in the fields they got their degrees in... they are married... they own homes.
They did better than I did, actually!
I never really used my biology degree.
I married at 25 and owned my first home at 26 (both milestones later than them!).
I got to thinking... Is it really that more dangerous? Crime rates have been declining for years, safety equipment is much improved and if anything, child saftey has gone too far in the "safe to the point it's boring" direction. My poor kids... playgrounds these days would have made me yawn. I remember playing in a park that had a retired tank and airplane parked in the playground; my kids today get a 6 ft tall soft plastic slide, 100% rounded edges, rubberized ground cover and NO imagination or adrenaline stimulation. No wonder they don't ever want to go to the park.
Man, you brough back some good memories for me. I started thinking about all of the fun, dangerous metal and concrete playgrounds we had as kids.
I grew up in San Diego and my favorite playground were in Mission Bay and Balboa Park.
I say nurture. Truly. As both a college-level instructor and the mom of theater kids, I cannot believe how much parents these days are involved in their child's every move, thought, breath, regardless of the child's age. My mother wouldn't have ever considered calling a college prof about a grade or a director about a casting decision (in local children's theater, btw). Today, it's the norm. And the parents who do these things are so righteously indignant about it as if they're entitled to undermine authority figures in front of their children because "that's my baby!" Baby is right!
Sorry, I'm on a bit of a rant. I think I came across this thread on the exact wrong day.
Good question. I could write a novel, but the first thing that popped into my head is that it IS harder to make ends meet these days. One wouldn't have to have all the things listed below, but we often find it hard to say "no," or we feel entitled to them. Some of these expenses have always been around, but they are more expensive now. Even with husband and wife working...mortgage, health insurance, car insurance, car payment, groceries, "Walmart" type stuff, cable, internet, cell phone payment, clothing, tithing, charity, Christmas, vacations, pets...and if you have kids...school fees, school clothes, diapers, food, toys, activities, sports, medical expenses... I can see how a younger person could feel overwhelmed and wonder why they should even try! It is hard to stay in the black.
At the same time, I can think of a lot of examples of parents who should say "NO" to their "kids" living with them for an extended period. Maybe for awhile so they can get on their feet. Sometimes living with mom and dad turns into eating their food and driving their car, etc. Parents aren't doing these leaches any favors.
And maybe more to your point-- Why don't these "kids" feel bad about leaching? For some reason, This generation feels ENTITLED to certain things. Mom and Dad should be providing these things, right? After all, they were the ones who gave me cable television, my cell phone, my Nintendo, my laptop, name brand clothes, lessons, unlimited time with friends, no chores, bailed me out of trouble...
Nurture? Yes, to a point. I think mom and dad need to expect more, pay less, and say "no!"
About safety- I used to run around town with my friends. Our parents didn't know where we were, nor did they worry. NOW? I won't let my children out of my sight! Not because I'm over- protective, but because one never knows what pervert might snap them up in this over-sexualized world. (It's probably all those leaches with no jobs, living in their parent's homes watching porn on their parent's cable t.v. because they don't have anywhere they need to go.)
I say nurture. Truly. As both a college-level instructor and the mom of theater kids, I cannot believe how much parents these days are involved in their child's every move, thought, breath, regardless of the child's age. My mother wouldn't have ever considered calling a college prof about a grade or a director about a casting decision (in local children's theater, btw). Today, it's the norm. And the parents who do these things are so righteously indignant about it as if they're entitled to undermine authority figures in front of their children because "that's my baby!" Baby is right!
Sorry, I'm on a bit of a rant. I think I came across this thread on the exact wrong day.
This is exactly right. I pray that I give my kids wings to be able to do it themselves!
I've asked this question before in other forums from the "Nature" perspective and generally am told the reason kids just don't seem to grow up is because of the economy, difficulty in getting a good job, ect. ... whatdayathink?
I think I hear the excuses given in that first sentance way too much.
I was brought up by a Mom and Dad who were members of the Greatest Generation. Yes, our economy stinks right now. But it in no way compares to the Great Depression. I see twenty-somethings who complain they can't get a "good job". People in my parents' generation couldn't get a "good job" so they worked two and three menial jobs to pay the rent and put food on the table. (As far as that goes I've worked menial jobs to pay the rent and put food on the table.)
Thank godness my own children don't have the attitude of "I'm too good for that job. It's beneath me." It makes me nuts. (But they were raised to go out and earn their keep. They know if they ever pulled that line on their father or me we'd probably laugh in their face then put a hand on their forheads to see if they had a bad fever that was making them loose their senses.)
I don't thnik it all really. I afct I thnik its a low per cenatgebut larger than in the past because of mnay things. For instabce amny have never heald a job until the late teens and are not use to the real world. Mnay are aloowed to be deopednent into their late 20's by parents. Those same things make many make bad choices during their life that effects many the rest of their lifes.Basically they tend to think many things are their right.
About safety- I used to run around town with my friends. Our parents didn't know where we were, nor did they worry. NOW? I won't let my children out of my sight! Not because I'm over- protective, but because one never knows what pervert might snap them up in this over-sexualized world. (It's probably all those leaches with no jobs, living in their parent's homes watching porn on their parent's cable t.v. because they don't have anywhere they need to go.)
That's what I mean about our culture of fear. You've been "programmed" to fear that unknown pervert in the trenchcoat, the childmolester five miles away, the boogey man who will kidnap your children in the night.
The reality, statistically speaking, is that your children are most likely to be molested or abused by a friend, an acquaintance or a family member. They are most likely to be kidnapped by an estranged spouse.
It's true, sometimes Bad Things happen. I just don't think that over-parentling is the solution.
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Did you say "entitled"?
