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I actually think that my children have been "under parented", and maybe that was to their advantage. I was divorced, broke, and raising four kids alone, not planned that way, that is for sure. I went to work, school, and my second job, my kids had to take care of themselves, and be responsible for themselves, and each other. I guess I was lucky, they all went to school, and turned out very responsible. I do think that things are tougher now, then they used to be, but the cream will rise to the top. My kids are doing okay, they are all working. I don't know why some kids go bad...or have problems...maybe it is "over parenting"...my kids pretty much knew that they were not going to have a car, unless they worked for it, going to college was a privledge, they knew it, and appreciated it. I have a friend, who has a son, age 30, living at home, who says he cannot find a job...none of my kids live at home with me...they all work...I think that we owe it to our children to not make their lives easy, mine know they could come home if they needed too, but they better get a job, or have a plan, or Mama would get them doing volunteer work 40 hours a week until they found a job.
I thought about that statement "I wouldn't let my kids out of my sight because one never knows what pervert may snap them up".
I would have to say I felt the same way but instead taught my kids what to look for and do themselves (street smarts) if anything ever happened as I knew I couldn't be with them every second. They both came out of the hopper naturally independent, one excessively so, and seemed to initiate things from very early on on their own. For instance when my son was in first grade he insisted on doing the grocery shopping if we went to the store comparing labels and unit prices like I had shown him. (Funny to see his arms fully over his head pushing the cart which I wasn't allowed to touch) At sixth grade he approached the principal about getting a class mentor to teach about the stock market so he could start investing his own money as he worked in our business when he could. Our family environment was highly entrepreneurial and with a can do anything attitude. They were still pampered and loved and know how to take care of others.
On the other hand I am living in a household where a middle aged 'boy' has never really worked, talks about the kind of house his dad should buy that would be suitable to him (for both of them), swears he can't get a job (I'd worked 20 yrs by this time), and just doesn't get the concept of separation in any way. He'd be perfectly happy doing a few things around the house even while grumbling for the rest of his life about everything. This family vibe is nearly the opposite of mine and so have it's accomplishments been. I was told his mother use to baby him as an only child. In some part I can see his personality as a reflection of his dads, if such things are inherited, who spent his adult life following his parents around in inconsequential jobs.
Good question. I could write a novel, but the first thing that popped into my head is that it IS harder to make ends meet these days. One wouldn't have to have all the things listed below, but we often find it hard to say "no," or we feel entitled to them. Some of these expenses have always been around, but they are more expensive now. Even with husband and wife working...mortgage, health insurance, car insurance, car payment, groceries, "Walmart" type stuff, cable, internet, cell phone payment, clothing, tithing, charity, Christmas, vacations, pets...and if you have kids...school fees, school clothes, diapers, food, toys, activities, sports, medical expenses... I can see how a younger person could feel overwhelmed and wonder why they should even try! It is hard to stay in the black.
At the same time, I can think of a lot of examples of parents who should say "NO" to their "kids" living with them for an extended period. Maybe for awhile so they can get on their feet. Sometimes living with mom and dad turns into eating their food and driving their car, etc. Parents aren't doing these leaches any favors.
And maybe more to your point-- Why don't these "kids" feel bad about leaching? For some reason, This generation feels ENTITLED to certain things. Mom and Dad should be providing these things, right? After all, they were the ones who gave me cable television, my cell phone, my Nintendo, my laptop, name brand clothes, lessons, unlimited time with friends, no chores, bailed me out of trouble...
Nurture? Yes, to a point. I think mom and dad need to expect more, pay less, and say "no!"
About safety- I used to run around town with my friends. Our parents didn't know where we were, nor did they worry. NOW? I won't let my children out of my sight! Not because I'm over- protective, but because one never knows what pervert might snap them up in this over-sexualized world. (It's probably all those leaches with no jobs, living in their parent's homes watching porn on their parent's cable t.v. because they don't have anywhere they need to go.)
But if you look back a couple of generations, people back then just had the mortgage, one car per family was the norm, not two or three, and cars didn't have to be luxury cars with air conditioning and CD players and all leather seats, and a typical car loan was 2 years not 6.
No cable - television was free, no internet, no cell phones with unlimited text messaging. Vacations were more likely a camping trip, not a luxury cruise and 4-star hotels.
People cooked at home, and toys weren't $600 game players with $60 games to go with them.
But if you look back a couple of generations, people back then just had the mortgage, one car per family was the norm, not two or three, and cars didn't have to be luxury cars with air conditioning and CD players and all leather seats, and a typical car loan was 2 years not 6.
No cable - television was free, no internet, no cell phones with unlimited text messaging. Vacations were more likely a camping trip, not a luxury cruise and 4-star hotels.
People cooked at home, and toys weren't $600 game players with $60 games to go with them.
I agree with you that those things did not exist in yesteryears. Another factor and I think a very important one was the attitude. I do not believe two generations ago people had the entitlement demand we now have today, take care.
But if you look back a couple of generations, people back then just had the mortgage, one car per family was the norm, not two or three, and cars didn't have to be luxury cars with air conditioning and CD players and all leather seats, and a typical car loan was 2 years not 6.
No cable - television was free, no internet, no cell phones with unlimited text messaging. Vacations were more likely a camping trip, not a luxury cruise and 4-star hotels.
People cooked at home, and toys weren't $600 game players with $60 games to go with them.
I am one to support innovation, but I also believe some the excessiveness has created many of the issues that affect younger generations.
There is so much "stuff".
I read something once where it said young people are relying on their parents more because of cell phones. Their parents are at their beck & call b/c the kids have cell phones & can reach their parents 24/7 for the minut.
I think many, many parents do a great job w/ moderation & learning how to raise great kids in a very materialistic society. But there the ones who do stand out & unfortunately seem to drag everyone down with them.
But I don't think it is necessary to blame all things on Wii or trips to Disney World. We have a Wii & there is a good plan in place on when it can be played & how long.
At the end of the day, it does indeed fall on the shoulders of the parents & the children.
50 years ago parents dealt with their own sets of issues. But that was 50 years ago. Today is what it is. Parents need to stop looking at all the external forces & possibly take a deep look inside how they parent.
I agree with you that those things did not exist in yesteryears. Another factor and I think a very important one was the attitude. I do not believe two generations ago people had the entitlement demand we now have today, take care.
I highly doubt telling teenagers "Well, 2 generations ago..." will do anything but annoy the child.
Parenting has never been a perfect science, even in the 50s.
Pointing fingers & remembering days of old isn't going to change or help.
We need to learn how to adjust our parenting to current day.
Well, there must be something wrong with me, we have only one car, no cable, no internet, no vacations, no playstations, no video games, we don't go out to eat...and I am still barely making it...lifestyles of a single mother...pass the ramen. I suppose that is the "benefit" for my children, they never had those things...so working for them is their only option.
Well, there must be something wrong with me, we have only one car, no cable, no internet, no vacations, no playstations, no video games, we don't go out to eat...and I am still barely making it...lifestyles of a single mother...pass the ramen. I suppose that is the "benefit" for my children, they never had those things...so working for them is their only option.
Good for you but that does not mean that your children will not run into nor face the same situations that children who go to Chuck E Cheese or have a cell phone do. And there is no guarantee that just b/c your children do not have cable that they will a good work ethic in order to ride a roller coaster at an amusement park.
What matters is how the parent parents, not the stuff their children have or do not have
There are more material challenges in todays world but it is what it is. Not giving a child things or giving a child things doesn't determine the child's life. The context in how you raise your child does.
Giving your children things to pacify wants or not giving them things to prove a point due to financial constraints really negate each other.
I've seen parents who are under incredible financial constraints baby their children due to being under such constraints. And I've seen the flip side. Neither is better. But for the parents who are in it for the competition to prove something rarely see a positive outcome.
I highly doubt telling teenagers "Well, 2 generations ago..." will do anything but annoy the child.
Parenting has never been a perfect science, even in the 50s.
Pointing fingers & remembering days of old isn't going to change or help.
We need to learn how to adjust our parenting to current day.
I agree that we may romanticize the past is done. I read a good book on this point. It is entitled "The Way We Never Were".
How you tell kids is what makes the difference. Also, I gave advice to my kids based on how a past generation did some things. Not all because it may not fit in this generation anymore.
We adjusted ourselves to the parenting skills needed for today.
I have never made any asertion that the 50s parenting was a perfect science but some aspects were good models to follow.
Pointing fingers? Of course we all point finger in some form or another. Your comment intrinsically can be seen as pointing the finger on us that look at the 50s in a praising way. However, looking at those day can help make change. Some of us that have taken some parts of the 50s parenting styles have been successful. You can say that there are parents today that use a modern style and are successful. You would be correct. Also there were some negatives in the 50s way of life as discussed in the book I mentioned before.
Is there anything wrong with taking from what we think worked from any generation and combine it with present styles?
Have you ever heard of leadership styles? Some people have a certain leadership style at work or at home. Some people use one one style and others another and others are the flexible type that they change styles as the situation requires it. The same with parenting, take care.
Al of this talk about the Greatest Generation and parenting has actually inspired me to start a thread about best pieces of parenting advice people have from the Greatest Generation. IMO, their are pieces of wisdom from that time that we probably all use now to some extent and other pieces of wisdom that we could benefit from recalling!
Quote:
Originally Posted by 121804
I highly doubt telling teenagers "Well, 2 generations ago..." will do anything but annoy the child.
Parenting has never been a perfect science, even in the 50s.
Pointing fingers & remembering days of old isn't going to change or help.
We need to learn how to adjust our parenting to current day.
121804, you said it well. I was going to say, in response to eastwesteastagain's post that The Greatest Generation raised the Baby Boomers, and we (Boomers) were supposed to be the original spoiled generation. There is no question we were the anti-war, draft dodging hippies of the late 60s/early 70s. So maybe our parents weren't perfect, either.
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