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Now, and for the second time, what would you do if this was YOUR child? How would you deal with this kind of behavior, with a kid who truly has no regard for you, the rules or anyone else? Forget about me and my nosey, no life having self. Let's talk about you.
And then when someone responded with what they would do if it were their son you posted this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
Oh yes, I forgot. We are only to post about ourselves.
Do you want us to tell you what we would do or what you should do? Or was the main purpose of your post to find out what parents who have these kinds of kids do? If you're looking for a way to help the dad out of the situation because you guys are friends and you feel bad for him then perhaps you could have said so.
Here's how I see it, FWIW. You said in your first post regarding your reason for refusing to clean:
Quote:
Originally Posted by PassTheChocolate
He has a grown man living there who should be doing it.
You think the son should be cleaning. You are annoyed that he doesn't. They asked you to clean in the first place but you think the son should be doing it and not taking advantage of his dad, so you refused. The son, as expected, isn't - and now your resentment about it is boiling over. If you are resentful because he's disrespecting your time and your boundaries as their helper then you have to say so and quit if things don't improve. (BTW, I don't mean resentment as a bad thing. It's an applicable emotion in this case).
If you're trying to help out the dad by finding out how other parents deal with a son like this that's fine, and hopefully someone can fill you in - but really, it wasn't very clear from your first post.
He simply won't do as he is asked. When dad gets on him about it, he huffs and puffs and makes dad out to be a nag, asks him why he is "flipping out". And it's working. Dad starts to actually feel bad and will even let things slide so he doesn't seem unreasonable.
Here is the problem and has probably been happening since day one. The dad flip-flops. First he is mad, then he isn't. You can't take the father seriously.
You reap what you sow. I sure hope I would never raise a child to be that kind of an adult. But if the son is content with who he is, and if dad is okay with it (and obviously he is, if he is choosing to live that way even if he claims he is not okay with it) then there is really no problem.
If you want to keep the job but not deal with the nonsense, why not just cook the food at your home, put it in aluminum trays and bring it there and leave it? You can ask him what meals they want for the 3 days, ask him for grocery money to pick up the items, cook it at your home, bring it to them. This way, you don't have to clean their filthy kitchen before cooking and you don't have to be around the son.
If you want to keep the job but not deal with the nonsense, why not just cook the food at your home, put it in aluminum trays and bring it there and leave it? You can ask him what meals they want for the 3 days, ask him for grocery money to pick up the items, cook it at your home, bring it to them. This way, you don't have to clean their filthy kitchen before cooking and you don't have to be around the son.
Best idea ever! Fabulous!
I hope the OP let's us know what she thinks about it because it is brilliant!
I believe in the adage, "People can change, but you can't change people." Unfortunately, the father, while he likely has good intentions, is enabling his son's slobbish lifestyle by not holding him accountable. It's the dad's house, and it's up to him to make his son play by his rules or not.
I think you should quit. I would just tell him, "I appreciate you giving me this job, but it's clear things aren't going to change in your household. Good luck with everything."
Maybe that will be the wakeup call this man needs, but probably not. At least it won't be your concern anymore.
If you want to keep the job but not deal with the nonsense, why not just cook the food at your home, put it in aluminum trays and bring it there and leave it? You can ask him what meals they want for the 3 days, ask him for grocery money to pick up the items, cook it at your home, bring it to them. This way, you don't have to clean their filthy kitchen before cooking and you don't have to be around the son.
Absolutely right! This is how I would have handled it from the get-go! Your kitchen is likely where you feel the most comfortable anyway, right? I know mine is! If I was getting paid to cook for these people, I'd be making larger portions of my own meals, putting the food in aluminum pans and delivering the meals. You're cooking one time, and you're not having to deal with the drama or pig sty that's stressing you out when you go over there. It's definitely something the father is either going to have to put his foot down about or live with. Either way....all you have to worry about is cooking larger portions and delivering the food to them.
I know dad has tried, he works a lot and clearly can't keep up with the kid all the time. I think he has grown tired of griping at him but there really is no consequence. And until there is one, the boy has no reason to change. We should raise our kids to be self sufficient, but also to not be a burden on anyone else.
What would you do?
I woudn't hire someone to cook or clean for the kid. But a kid at age 20 is sometimes still immature and can change.
If I were this kid's dad, I might let him live with me but I probably wouldn't buy him any food much less cook it for him or hire someone to cook it for him.
It's too late to raise him all over again but the kid may get tired of doing almost nothing and be quite different in 3-4 years.
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